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Satanic foods
#: 2838 S13/Meet MONDO 2000
!` 29-Jun-93 08:01:48
Sb: #New Mondo
Fm: Douglas W. Faxon 75720,3413
To: R. U. Sirius 70007,3242
I was leafing thru my new Mondo and found the article on page 45, "Storming the
Bullshit Studio", which started off with the line, "Compu$erve, this ain't."
While I found the reviews of BBS's largely thought-provoking and entertaining,
the reference to "a board in Texas where you can download a
.GIF of a candystriper giving a cottage cheese enema to a goat" left me a
little unsettled. No, Compuserve it ain't, and I'm glad. Funny how they put
down "(zzzz) CompuSmurf" while helpfully making us aware of handy info like
cottage cheese enemas for goats. Now THAT's an information service!
I guess overstimulation has led to de-sensitization for the writers of this
article. But I did appreciate the rest of the article. :-Doug
#: 2873 S13/Meet MONDO 2000
!` 29-Jun-93 12:24:37
Sb: #2838-New Mondo
Fm: MONDO 2000 (Andrew) 70007,3147
To: Douglas W. Faxon 75720,3413 (X)
One man's info is another man's poison. Sorry if the image offended you. Since
the writers' operate their own bizaare fringe BBS "My Dog Bit Jesus," they may
be a little overstimulated, yes.
#: 2887 S13/Meet MONDO 2000
!` 29-Jun-93 15:35:52
Sb: #2838-New Mondo
Fm: Angus MacDonald 75730,3177
To: Douglas W. Faxon 75720,3413 (X)
<<the reference to "a board in Texas where you can download a .GIF of a
candystriper giving a cottage cheese enema to a goat" left me a little
unsettled.>>
I would think that such a description can be interpreted as a colorful metaphor
for "somthing to offend everyone". I was rather taken with the cleverness of
the line when I read it. There may well be better way's to express an idea like
"... flies in the face of reason and decency" But that was a very succinct and
poetic way to put it.
Incedentially it is also a way of ensuring that the easyly offended will steer
clear. A skull and crossbones on a bottle may be an unpleasant image.... but it
will probably keep you from drinking poison.
One other thing to keep in mind if you are comforted by the idea that freedom
of speach and the press does not always extend to fringe electronic media: Some
government agent will probably read Mondo's article in the next few days and
take preemptive punitive action against that board and it's sysops... perhaps
including summary sezure of property and interrogation without counsel.
I am not always thrilled with Mondo's total lack of editorial discretion
either... but I would die for their right not to have it.
Angus
#: 2915 S13/Meet MONDO 2000
!` 29-Jun-93 19:48:43
Sb: #2887-New Mondo
Fm: ALIEN FAKTOR 74200,3354
To: Angus MacDonald 75730,3177
Why cottage cheese? Is this some satanic dairy symbol?
#: 3030 S13/Meet MONDO 2000
!` 30-Jun-93 18:35:33
Sb: #2915-New Mondo
Fm: Angus MacDonald 75730,3177
To: ALIEN FAKTOR 74200,3354
<<Why cottage cheese? Is this some satanic dairy symbol?>>
I have pondered this question at great length myself. Finally I broke down and
asked the specialists in the black arts who can be found at anytime of the day
or night in the Satanism+ Forum (type GO TOHELL)
here's what they had to say:
"Cottage cheese, the foodstuff that (with the single notable exception of
ambrosia salad) most resembles vomit, has long been used in satanic rituals as
a substitute ingredient. It is also served as one of the traditional dishes on
the Feast of Samhain."
Angus
#: 3047 S13/Meet MONDO 2000
!` 30-Jun-93 20:13:04
Sb: #3030-New Mondo
Fm: Douglas W. Faxon 75720,3413
To: Angus MacDonald 75730,3177
Angus,
I've read about cottage cheese in several occult references, including
Regardie's Golden Dawn and, more importantly, in the Necronomicon, which
emphasizes cottage cheese as the fromage of choice for Black Masses. If you
look through history, cottage cheese has always been closely aligned with
Diabolical worship. Try doing a 'search' function in the Satanism+ Forum
sometime... You'll be surprised.... ;-Doug
#: 3158 S13/Meet MONDO 2000
!` 01-Jul-93 17:43:35
Sb: #3047-New Mondo
Fm: Angus MacDonald 75730,3177
To: Douglas W. Faxon 75720,3413 (X)
<<Try doing a 'search' function in the Satanism+ Forum sometime... You'll be
surprised>>
I suggest trying it with ambrosia salad as well. The origin of ambrosia salad
is a subject of much dispute in most dark arts circles, but it is generally
accepted that it was the product of some form of demonic possesion/inspiration.
A growing contingent of debators have pointed out the StayPufft Marshmellow
man's uncanny resemblance to third century etchings of the demon Luciphrage
Rafakole an important member of the major arcana.
Angus
#: 3167 S13/Meet MONDO 2000
!` 01-Jul-93 18:49:36
Sb: #3158-New Mondo
Fm: Douglas W. Faxon 75720,3413
To: Angus MacDonald 75730,3177
Angus,
<<A growing contingent of debators have pointed out the StayPufft Marshmellow
man's uncanny resemblance to third century etchings of the demon Luciphrage
Rafakole an important member of the major arcana>>
Perhaps this was the hidden wisdom that prompted this demon's appearance in the
movie "Ghostbusters". The training of the beams from the Ghostbuster's three
nuclear-powered backpacks basically constituted a banishing ritual for a demon
escaped from the confines of the sacred circle. According to a little-known
book I found in a dusty corner of a Hollywood occult store, the combination of
ingredients in a typical ambrosia salad represents an alchemical marriage of
the feminine aspect (Mother Hera, represented by the fruit cocktail) with the
masculine aspect (Luciphrage Rafakole, represented by the marshmallows). See
"Cooking With Satan", pp. 23-26, in the "Demonic Desserts" section. The
resultant concoction is said to be perfect as a post-Black Mass pick-me-up when
served with a good dessert wine. ;-Doug
#: 3190 S13/Meet MONDO 2000
!` 01-Jul-93 21:07:49
Sb: #3167-New Mondo
Fm: Angus MacDonald 75730,3177
To: Douglas W. Faxon 75720,3413 (X)
<<See "Cooking With Satan", pp. 23-26, in the "Demonic Desserts" section.>>
Just as the old standby "The Joy Of Cooking" has gradually gone out of style in
favor of newer recipie books that rely a bit less upon deep fat frying, so has
Mom's good old "Cooking With Satan". The Blyster Syster's heavy use of the
technique of conjuring up ingredients by simply projectile vomiting whatever
needed, has just gone out of style. Though many fondly remember watching mom in
the kitchen...... spitting up a pinch of nightshade, and if she was in very
good form (or showing of for company) she might have even barfed up a whole
sheeps head... sadly those days are gone. Cultural awareness of such eating
disorders as bulimia and anorexia has changed americas attitudes about casual
ralphing, nowadays the happy homemaker is far more likely to to spend hours at
the market or forraging in vacant lots. Times change and so do we all, I feel
that as the two income household of the past gives way to the feral homeless
vagabond lifestyle of the future, we will see a continuing trend in thes sort
of back-to-basics practices.
Angus
#: 3234 S13/Meet MONDO 2000
!` 02-Jul-93 04:52:11
Sb: #3190-New Mondo
Fm: Johnny Haeusler 100042,560
To: Angus MacDonald 75730,3177
I don't understand what you are going on about...
Maybe it's because I can't cook, so I eat at McPhisto's most of the time...
Johnny-)
#: 3249 S13/Meet MONDO 2000
!` 02-Jul-93 07:36:11
Sb: #3234-New Mondo
Fm: Douglas W. Faxon 75720,3413
To: Johnny Haeusler 100042,560
Johnny,
Be careful about eating too often at McPhisto's. They're using unconsecrated
oils for their deep frying, which can be very unhealthy, particularly if you
attend any Black Masses within 24 hours of eating their "Golden Dawn Fries".
And while McPhisto's would have you believe you're getting genuine sacrificial
lamb in their "Lamb McNuggets", they're really just reconstituted patties of
regular lamb all ground up. Think about it; they're a huge commercial venture
spanning the globe. How could they take the time to sacrifice each lamb
properly? The overhead would break them, if you consider how many McNuggets
they pump out each year. I've found it appropriate to carry a small phial of
properly sacrificed lamb's blood in my glovebox, just in case I'm on the run
and wind up at McPhisto's. After consecrating the McNuggets with an
incantation, dipping them in the blood (you can mix it with McPhisto's BBQ
sauce, if you prefer) makes the meal almost Satanically kosher. Just a little
health tip... ;-Doug
#: 3340 S13/Meet MONDO 2000
!` 02-Jul-93 22:08:10
Sb: #3249-New Mondo
Fm: Angus MacDonald 75730,3177
To: Douglas W. Faxon 75720,3413 (X)
<<McPhisto's would have you believe you're getting genuine sacrificial lamb in
their "Lamb McNuggets", they're really just reconstituted patties of regular
lamb all ground up. Think about it; they're a huge commercial venture spanning
the globe. How could they take the time to sacrifice each lamb properly?>>
Actually McPhisto's processing plant is run according to extremely high
standards. The lamb for the lamb McNuggetts is made by marching a continuous
line Of live lambs directly into the grinding machine. The machine had a
platform on top upon which a high pristess and six virgins dance the akballah
naked and recite the 66th psalm from the second book of the apocriphal
twentyfour hours a day seven days aweek. The ground lamb comes out of the
machine still twitching with life... the cells not quite aware that they are
dead and fully concecrated.
Angus
#: 3352 S13/Meet MONDO 2000
!` 02-Jul-93 23:49:11
Sb: #3340-New Mondo
Fm: Douglas W. Faxon 75720,3413
To: Angus MacDonald 75730,3177
Hmmm... I would've thought it would be the 6th book of the apocrypha.
I wasn't aware that McPhisto's standards were that high. I thought that running
such tight competition with Baal's Jr. would force them to cut corners.
<<The ground lamb comes out of the machine still twitching with life... the
cells not quite aware that they are dead and fully concecrated>>
Have you ever heard reports of one of these ground lambs escaping the plant? It
brought a grisly but somehow humorous picture to mind, possibly as a tabloid
cover: "Hideous Satanic Ground Lamb Goes On Terrifying Rampage In Sleepy
Midwestern Town". I had thoughts of mobile exorcism teams, shooting crucifixes
at the pulpy beast as it stood defiantly atop City Hall, reveling in its first
taste of real power in its short life.
>;-Doug
#: 3369 S13/Meet MONDO 2000
!` 03-Jul-93 10:20:35
Sb: #3352-New Mondo
Fm: Angus MacDonald 75730,3177
To: Douglas W. Faxon 75720,3413 (X)
<<"Hideous Satanic Ground Lamb Goes On Terrifying Rampage In Sleepy Midwestern
Town">>
Yes .... it was supressed in the popular media. The Sixty minutes expose has
been shelved as well.
Angus
#: 3381 S13/Meet MONDO 2000
!` 03-Jul-93 12:33:23
Sb: #3369-New Mondo
Fm: Douglas W. Faxon 75720,3413
To: Angus MacDonald 75730,3177
I guess CNN won't touch it either, then. I heard it took 23 crucifix-
projectiles to bring it down.
While we're on the subject of food, are there any "Taco Hells" where you live?
I haven't yet eaten there, but a buddy of mine tells me their specialty is
Voodoo food, and that their best item by far is their Zomburrito Supreme. Aside
from the toenail clippings and hairs that somehow end up in each one, they use
some of the best reanimated beef around. But it's hard to get to; you have to
pull out lots of the toothpicks (ostensibly to hold it together) to get to the
meat. My buddy warned me to avoid the little bits of white powder that look
like flour from the tortillas, though; he mistakenly ingested some one time,
and the next thing he knew, he was waking up inside a casket in a Dominican
Republic graveyard. ;-Doug
#: 3400 S13/Meet MONDO 2000
!` 03-Jul-93 16:45:46
Sb: #3381-New Mondo
Fm: John Eagan/Sysop 71333,2650
To: Douglas W. Faxon 75720,3413 (X)
Doug-
I really am beginning to think you guys have too much free time.<g>
JLE
#: 3405 S13/Meet MONDO 2000
!` 03-Jul-93 16:59:30
Sb: #3381-New Mondo
Fm: Angus MacDonald 75730,3177
To: Douglas W. Faxon 75720,3413 (X)
Actually Taco Hell's food upsets my Triple Warmer.
I pretty much stick to McPhistos and Burgur King Of Darkness. With and
occasional stop at Pentagram Pizza. But recent reports that Pentagram gives
huge amounts of money to Operation RoastYou the right to burn midwives and
witches movement. has kept me away from them.
Angus
#: 3452 S13/Meet MONDO 2000
!` 04-Jul-93 02:16:42
Sb: #3400-New Mondo
Fm: Douglas W. Faxon 75720,3413
To: John Eagan/Sysop 71333,2650
John,
I can see why it might appear that way. But really, it's just a strange and fun
way to get to know someone.. Kind of like the "gross-out" contests we had as
kids. My estimation is that Angus is an intelligent person who has learned the
ability to summon a certain wacky creativity at will. And I'm the exact
opposite... ;-Doug
#: 3453 S13/Meet MONDO 2000
!` 04-Jul-93 02:16:45
Sb: #3405-New Mondo
Fm: Douglas W. Faxon 75720,3413
To: Angus MacDonald 75730,3177
Isn't Pentagram Pizza the same one with the big, round table? And they claim to
have the "freshest ingredients".. Didn't they sacrifice a rabbit and eat its
droppings in a recent commercial? Which side are they on, anyway?
You know, the one thing that really burns my butt about Operation RoastYou is
that they want to push their Victorian Prude religion and morals down
everybody's throat. We're not like that. I always tell everyone I meet that
they're free to worship the Devil in whatever way they choose.
I recently saw a group of Operation RoastYou activists surround a Burger King
Of Darkness in a human chain, trying to block the entry of hungry patrons while
directing their verbal (and sometimes physical) violence at anyone caught
leaving the restaurant. This is anti-American, anti-Constitution, and
anti-freedom-of-worship behavior, folks. Remember, Satanists are people just
like you, with somewhat more exotic dietary needs, perhaps. Treat them with the
respect and dignity they deserve.
;-Doug
P.S. Angus, did you ever notice that the drive-thru's in all of these fast-food
restaurants force patrons to follow the left-hand path?
#: 3461 S13/Meet MONDO 2000
!` 04-Jul-93 08:06:40
Sb: #3452-New Mondo
Fm: John Eagan/Sysop 71333,2650
To: Douglas W. Faxon 75720,3413 (X)
Doug-
Exact opposite. Yeahrightsure.
JLE
#: 3534 S13/Meet MONDO 2000
!` 05-Jul-93 04:08:46
Sb: #3453-New Mondo
Fm: Angus 72263,3516
To: Douglas W. Faxon 75720,3413 (X)
<<Angus, did you ever notice that the drive-thru's in all of these fast-food
restaurants force patrons to follow the left-hand path?>>
Yes as a matter of fact I have noticed that. It is generally a pretty big
problem for me because I drive a Vladd Drakon built in the 1950's in
transilvania for the british market. it has a right hand steering weel and in
order to reach the drive-in window I must either go through backwards or lean
across the passenger side. This can be a problem, as the car was equipped with
a very early form of passive restraint system. If I accedentially lean on the
left hand seat and activate the sensor in them..... iron straps try to grab me
and hold me still while the rotating knives emerge from their compartment in
the dash. One of the reasons that I am such a staunch customer of McPhisto's is
that in the midsts of one of these episodes at a drive in window, a quick
thinking employee grabbed a Vestal Virgin Blood Thick Shake and threw it on the
car... sating it's appatite for blood at the last possible instant. the strapps
and knives retracted And I was able to enjoy my lunch without further incident.
Angus
#: 3560 S13/Meet MONDO 2000
!` 05-Jul-93 10:43:26
Sb: #3534-New Mondo
Fm: Douglas W. Faxon 75720,3413
To: Angus 72263,3516
Your experience at McPhisto's piqued my interest. I had generally considered
the employees at fast-food restaurants slothful in thought and action, possibly
due to the low pay, or maybe because they just eat too much of the food they
serve. Not ever having worked in that environment myself, I find myself
wondering if McPhisto's employees go to Crack In The Box or Taco Hell for their
lunch break, just to get a change of scenery (or to make fun of someone else's
silly uniform). Anyway, the swift and decisive action taken by the McPhisto's
drive-thru window employee has me re-thinking my previous position. Perhaps
McPhisto's has some kind of bonus plan or incentive program for their
employees?
I owned a Vladd Drakon for a few months once, but that 17-valve, triple
ventricle engine just consumed way too much fuel. I ran out of juice one night
and walked around with a bag in my hand for hours before I found a blood bank,
and then they charged me a ridiculous price for the couple of pints I needed to
get me to a Red Cross station for a proper fill-up. After that, I carried my
own transfusion kit in the glovebox for emergencies. I was just an
irresponsible kid then. When I began getting skinny and light-headed all the
time I switched to a more mainstream mode of transportation.
#: 3627 S13/Meet MONDO 2000
!` 05-Jul-93 21:21:00
Sb: #3560-New Mondo
Fm: Angus 72263,3516
To: Douglas W. Faxon 75720,3413 (X)
<<When I began getting skinny and light-headed all the time I switched to a
more mainstream mode of transportation.>>
Mainstream cars? Yes. I can certianly see the appeal.
Mainstream computers? Never!
I would not trade my Macintosh SuccubusBook 666b for all the earthly hardware
and ordinary compiled code in this or any other world. The user interface is
positively seductive, the hyper intelligent deamon assistants anticipate my
every want and need, I get 186 hours of fully backlit power on a single soul,
and the Hex-Modem is capable of downloading an entire human heart and liver in
three to four minutes depending on network activity. Yes occasionally it
becomes nessessary to run a popular utility program to exorcize the zombies
when they have built up to the point where they are slowing you down by
stealing too many cycles from the MoterHella 680666 Demon-in-a-box
processor.... but that is a small price to pay for this kind of
ultra-convenience and bone-crushing power.
Angus
#: 3647 S13/Meet MONDO 2000
!` 06-Jul-93 08:11:27
Sb: #3627-New Mondo
Fm: Douglas W. Faxon 75720,3413
To: Angus 72263,3516
Oh, you're a Mac guy? I'm on the IBM (Infernal Bastard Machine) platform,
myself; I have a 486-66. This machine literally runs on "earthly hardware and
ordinary compiled code"; it actually consumes "pink boy" software, digests it,
recompiles it using its rom-based D++ compiler, and dumps the waste to the
screen buffer. It's not a pretty sight. But it is fairly cheap to feed; it has
a particular hankering for those shareware recipe-cataloging programs. In this
case, the menu IS the meal.
I'm running DOS (Diabolical Operating System) and MicroSatan Windows to the
Soul, the latter an attempt at emulating the performance of your SuccubusBook
without the additional cost of always having to feed new souls into the
machine. But MS Windows did require that I install an accelerator board, which
the computer immediately consumed and transmogrified. When I run Windows now,
demons are summoned automatically, they come out of the screen and dance around
the room while I work, singing horrible little songs to help me relax. I had no
idea an accelerator card would improve the performance that much!
;-Doug
#: 3720 S13/Meet MONDO 2000
!` 06-Jul-93 17:25:59
Sb: #3405-New Mondo
Fm: SHERLOCK 71742,2344
To: Angus MacDonald 75730,3177 (X)
You might want to try some Blight Castle Ratburgers. They are made from
genuine grade AAA rat with some of the original hair still intact. This
together with their rotted onions grilled in vintage 1967 YakFat and sandwiched
between the buns of two lesser demons are the perfect addition to a perfectly
hellish day.
While this delectable delicacy is not kosher for pesach, it certainly does not
mean that the goyim can't enjoy it!
#: 3742 S13/Meet MONDO 2000
!` 06-Jul-93 20:31:41
Sb: #3030-New Mondo
Fm: Carl Aron 71121,3020
To: Angus MacDonald 75730,3177 (X)
This entire thread seems to have its tongue firmly in its cheek, so I don't
want to sound inflamatory, but Samhain is a Wiccan holiday, and I always hate
to see the old mistake of Satanism and Wiccan being equated.
Wiccan is an ancient nature religion, based on many pre-judaeo-christian
beliefs, while satanism is a more negative belief system that borrows heavily
from Wiccan and other pagan religions, but is mostly a negative reaction to
Christianity.
As far as a cottage-cheese enema, I agree with the poster who said that this is
probably a colorful metaphor for "not for the squeemish"
#: 3755 S13/Meet MONDO 2000
!` 06-Jul-93 21:51:17
Sb: #3742-New Mondo
Fm: Angus MacDonald 75730,3177
To: Carl Aron 71121,3020
<<As far as a cottage-cheese enema, I agree with the poster who said that this
is probably a colorful metaphor for "not for the squeemish">>
That post-er was none other than yours truly.
<<but Samhain is a Wiccan holiday>>
I was actually aware of that but.....
<<satanism is a more negative belief system that borrows heavily from Wiccan
and other pagan religions>>
Ah... I see you have explained it for me.
<<but is mostly a negative reaction to Christianity.>>
Yes.
You are absolutely correct sir!! On all counts. And for what it's worth I mean
absolutely no disrespect to wicca or any other religon.
The ongoing thread is an exercise in satire. Tho it may not be politically
correct to satire satanism, it is certainly less likely to annoy anyone than
say for instance satirizing satanism's sister religion christianity. I actually
(prejudiced as this may sound) do not really consider Satanism to be a religion
in and of it's self, but rather a wierd sort of negitive affirmation (and thus
by affirming, a sect) of christianity. I myself am an
Agnostic-Dyslexic-Insomniac (I stay awake all night wondering if there really
is a dog) <sorry.... bad joke> Actually I am a sort of ultra tolerant
neo-animist or some other string of theo-babble that implys that I personally
acknolege the spirit and divine nature of all people and animals and objects
individually and together and I think that it is right and proper for other
people and animals and objects to see things <and spell things> differantly
from me. I also don't really worry too much about making fun of what other
people <especially people> believe. The satanists are an especially easy target
because they are:
1) patently silly
2) to a large extent media scare and hype
3) an ignorant reaction to to the most ignorant aspects of christianity.
4) based in part on playing bad heavy metal records backwards.
5) Too small and obscure to have an anti-defamation league.
6) Definately wrong (If I make fun of a religion and they turn out to be right,
I'll probably be in big trouble with who or whatever god really turns out to
be)
7) less powerful than the mormons. the Mormons own their own state.
8) More recognised than the Scientologists, who don't make very good copy.
9) Worship Satan, not Bob. The Church of the SubGenius is just way too scarey
to mess with.
10) Are mostly under the age of 17 so I could probably beat them up in a fair
fight.
Anyway I actually regret splashing any of this sillyness on the Wiccans. In my
opinion wicca is one of the coolest organized religions going <except that most
of the people involved in it seem to take themselves too seriously>...[but I
suppose that is an occupational hazard with any orginized religion].
If anything I have sayed here offends anyone, consider it a joke. If after
doing that it still offends you..... try taking a few days off from work and
just relaxing.
Angus
#: 3836 S13/Meet MONDO 2000
07-Jul-93 18:42:07
Sb: #3755-New Mondo
Fm: Carl Aron 71121,3020
To: Angus MacDonald 75730,3177
Angus,
ROFL!
Whew! your last post just about killed me laughing when I read it.
I guess I got mixed up between several different messages and answered your
post with a reference to your own post.
I like your characterisation of Satanism as "an ignorant reaction to to the
most ignorant aspects of christianity". Hit the nail right on the head, as
there are (grudgingly admitted) valuable aspects of christianity, but all too
often people worship on the stupid parts, and then others concentrate on
countering that, and the world goes off wasting time on stupid stuff!
I also agree that some wiccans (and many people of many religions) take
themselves too seriously. I myself am not really a wiccan, thugh I live with
one, and find some of the ceremonies, if done minimally, and without too much
seriousness to have a fair amount of sense to them. I guess I would
characterize myself as a Toaist who knows nothing really substantial about
Toaism, or, in other words, I think I'm god, but so what, everyone else is
too....:) Animism is also another way I look at things. Certainly makes more
sense to me than most other religions, and it doesn't seem to make me want to
kill or torture any one either!
I'd like to take a few days off work anyway, so if I pretend to be offended,
will you write me an excuse? Rats. It won't work. I'm my own boss and I'm a
real slave driver.
Carl
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