The Book Of The Holy PEZ
by Hellraiser
RITE I by: Hellraiser
DAILY PRAYER:
{Do this once a day while in front of your PEZ dispenser!}
(Bow to dispenser)
"Oh, holy PEZ, we worship you."
(Take the sacred PEZ in your hand)
"This is the holy food of PEZ. Take, eat, and live forever."
(Break PEZ)
"You have given us the light of the world, PEZ!"
(Eat the sacred dust of PEZ)
"The body of PEZ shall give us eternal sugar-high"
(Put dispenser in place of idols)
"We restore you to your place of eternal watch and rest. Someday the
PEZ will come to judge the almighty PEZants from athiests, right from wrong"
THE SACRED COMMANDMENTS OF PEZ
- Thou shalt eat PEZ daily
- Thou shalt be a worthy PEZant
- Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's PEZ or dispenser
- Thou shalt worship PEZ daily
- Thou shalt not question the holyness of PEZ
- Thou shalt have enough PEZ to never run out
- Thou shalt believe that PEZ is allmighty, and Hellraiser is his prophet
- Thou shalt not throw the holy wrappers away, thou shalt burn them instead
- Thou shalt buy several holy dispensers
- Thou shalt be on a never-ending PEZ/sugar high
THE HOLY RANKING OF THE COLORS
PURPLE: Most PEZish, eat this most
YELLOW: Still PEZ, just not as sacres as PURPLE
PINK: Avoid if possible
orange: so rancid it shouldn't even be wothy of capitilization or PEZdom
PEZEAN AND HELL
This part is very simple...
If you worship the PEZ, and know that PEZ will forgive your sins you will go
to PEZean.
If you are evil enough to laugh at this, you will go to Hell.
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