Lack of Belief

by kittiekittie

After being Catholic for sixteen years, attending a parochial school for nine, and having been raised in a very Catholic environment my entire life, all I've ever known is my religion, Catholicism.

That annoys me. Until I attended an enormous public high school, I never got the chance to see what my life would be like if there was no God to speak of. My faith was shoved on to me, forced down for me to swallow. I had no choice but to be baptized, receive First Eucharist, and become confirmed. And as they say, "once a Catholic, always a Catholic."

I'd always been taught to remain firm in my standings, to avoid secularism, and to have complete faith in the Lord. A bible story was even taught to establish this reasoning: Doubting Thomas, the disciple that had no faith in Christ. So when people of other religions, or no religion, asked me why I was Catholic, I wasn't sure what to say. "I just am," I'd answer, or, "It's just what I believe in."

But it's not. While I didn't actually choose Catholicism as a child, I did solidify that belief myself; however, I do have my doubts. There are many things the Church believes in that I.... don't.

For instance, in the Catholic church, homosexuals are not allowed to receive holy communion. Why? Because God "disapproves" of their relationships. Why would God shun a homosexual relationship? Doesn't God love everyone?

Another point: though I'd probably be excommunicated for saying so, I somehow don't believe that the communion IS the body and blood of Christ. How can anyone see it that way? It's a symbol to me. However, transubstantion is a tremendous part of Catholic masses, so I just agree.

And of course, my biggest doubt of all: whether or not "God" actually exists or not. Of course, I was always taught to never stray from the "Truth", but how can you not question a belief so shallow?