|
Jokes about Viruses, funny!
NOTICE: TO ALL CONCERNED Certain text files and messages contained on this site deal with activities and devices which would be in violation of various Federal, State, and local laws if actually carried out or constructed. The webmasters of this site do not advocate the breaking of any law. Our text files and message bases are for informational purposes only. We recommend that you contact your local law enforcement officials before undertaking any project based upon any information obtained from this or any other web site. We do not guarantee that any of the information contained on this system is correct, workable, or factual. We are not responsible for, nor do we assume any liability for, damages resulting from the use of any information on this site.
Subject: Viruses
Thought you might find this list of new computer viruses humerous.
Federal Bureaucrat Virus -- Divides your hard disk into hundreds of
little units, each of which do practically nothing, but all of
which claim to be the most important part of the computer.
Dan Quayle Virus -- Their is sumthing rong with your compueter, ewe
just can't figyour out watt.
Gallup Virus -- Sixty percent of the PC's infected will lose 38% of
their data 14 percent of the time (plus or minus a 3.5 margin of
error)
Paul Revere Virus -- revolutionary virus doesn't horse around. It warns
you of impending hard disk attack 0 once if by LAN, twice if by C:
Politically Correct Virus -- never calls itself a "virus", but instead
refers to itself as an "electronic micro-organism."
Right to life Virus -- Won't allow you to delete a file regardless of how
old it is. If you attempt to erase a file, it requires you first
see a counselor about possible alternatives.
Ross Perot Virus -- Activates every component in your system just before
the whole thing quits.
Mario Cuomo Virus -- It would be a great virus, but it refuses to run.
Oprah Winfry Virus -- Your 200 megabyte hard drive suddenly shrinks to
80 Meg, then slowly expands back to 200 meg.
AT&T Virus -- Every three minutes it tells you what great service your
getting.
MCI Virus -- Every three minutes it reminds you that you are paying too
much for the AT&T Virus.
Ted Turner Virus -- Colorizes your monochrome monitor.
Arnold Schwarzennegger Virus -- Terminates and stays resident. It'll be
back.
Government Economist Virus -- Nothing works, but all your diagnostic
software says everything is fine.
New World Order Virus -- Probably harmless, but it makes a lot of people
really mad just thinking about it.
Terry Randle Virus -- Yells "Oh no you don't" whenever you choose
"Abort" from the "Abort, Retry, Fail" message.
Texas Virus -- Makes sure that it's bigger than any other file.
Adam and Eve Virus -- Takes a couple of bytes out of your Apple.
Michael Jackson Virus -- Hard to identifiy because it is constantly
altering its appearance. This virus won't harm your PC, but it
will trash your car.
Congressional Virus -- The computer locks up, screen splits eratically
with a message appearing on each half blaming the other side for
the problem.
Airline Virus -- You're in Dallas, but your data is in Singapore.
Freudian Virus -- Your computer becomes obsessed with marrying its own
motherboard.
PBS Virus -- Your PC stops every few minutes to ask for money.
Elvis Virus -- Your computer gets fat, slow and lazy and then self
destructs, only to resurface at shopping malls and service
stations across rural America.
Ollie North Virus -- Turns your printer into a document shredder.
Nike Virus -- Just Does It!
Sears Virus -- Your data won't appear unless you buy new cables,
power supply, and a set of shocks.
Jimmy Hoffa Virus -- Nobody can find it.
Congressional Virus -- Runs every program on the hard drive
simultaneously, but doesn't allow the user to accomplish
anything.
Kevorkian Virus -- Helps your computer shut down whenever it wants to.
Imelda Marcos Virus -- Sings you a song (slightly off key) on boot up
then subtracts money from your Quicken account and spends it all
on expensive shoes it purchases throught Prodigy.
Star Trek Virus --Invades your system in places where no virus has gone
before.
Health Care Virus -- Test you system for a day, finds nothing wrong, and
sends you a bill for $4,500.
George Bush Virus -- It starts by boldly stating, "Read my test.... no
new files!" on the screen, proceeds to fill up all the free space
on your hard drive with new files, then blames it on the Congress
Virus.
Cleveland Indians Virus -- Makes your 486/50 machine perform like a 286/AT.
LAPD Virus -- It claims it feels threatened by the other files on your PC
and erases them in "self-defense."
Chicago Cubs Virus -- Your PC makes frequent mistakes and comes in last
in the reviews, but you still love it.
Sean Welch Virus -- Brags and brags about how good it is and yet even if
you say you hate it, you really don't.
Wanabe Virus -- Wants to be like Mike.
Michelangelo Virus -- Paints a picture of the Mona Lisa on the screen then
says, "Voiala".
Adam Murray Virus -- Says, "NO SILLY", "MEOW", "YEAH, BUT NOT AS
STUPTED AS YOU", and "YA' STUPTED HEADED".
|
|
