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Funny Viruses (that don't exist, but should)
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Different computer viruses that don't exist, but should.
OPRAH WINFREY VIRUS: Your 200MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to
80MB, and then slowly expands back to 200MB.
VINCE FOSTER VIRUS: The Clintons' aides show up an hour after
your "suicide" and take your files. Takes at least six months to
get what's left of them back.
AT&T VIRUS: Every three minutes it tells you what great service
you are getting.
MCI VIRUS: Every three minutes it reminds you that you're paying
too much for the AT&T virus.
PAUL REVERE VIRUS: This revolutionary virus does not horse
around. It warns you of impending hard disk attack---once if by
LAN, twice if by C:>.
POLITICALLY CORRECT VIRUS: Never calls itself a "virus", but
instead refers to itself as an "electronic microorganism."
RIGHT TO LIFE VIRUS: Won't allow you to delete a file,
regardless of how old it is. If you attempt to erase a file, it
requires you to first see a counsellor about possible
alternatives.
ROSS PEROT VIRUS: Activates every component in your system, just
before the whole damn thing quits.
TED TURNER VIRUS: Colorizes your monochrome monitor.
ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER VIRUS: Terminates and stays resident.
It'll be back.
DAN QUAYLE VIRUS: Prevents your system from spawning any child
process without joining into a binary network.
DAN QUAYLE VIRUS #2: Their is sumthing rong wit your komputer,
ewe jsut cant figyour out watt!
GOVERNMENT ECONOMIST VIRUS: Nothing works, but all your
diagnostic software says everything is fine.
NEW WORLD ORDER VIRUS: Probably harmless, but it makes a lot of
people really mad just thinking about it.
FEDERAL BUREAUCRAT VIRUS: Divides your hard disk into hundreds
of little units, each of which does practically nothing, but all
of which claim to be the most important part of your computer.
GALLUP VIRUS: Sixty percent of the PCs infected will lose 38
percent of their data 14 percent of the time (plus or minus a 3.5
percent margin of error.)
TERRY RANDLE VIRUS: Prints "Oh no you don't" whenever you choose
"Abort" from the "Abort" "Retry" "Fail" message.
TEXAS VIRUS: Makes sure that it's bigger than any other file.
ADAM AND EVE VIRUS: Takes a couple of bytes out of your Apple.
CONGRESSIONAL VIRUS: The computer locks up, screen splits
erratically with a message appearing on each half blaming the
other side for the problem.
AIRLINE VIRUS: You're in Dallas, but your data is in Singapore.
FREUDIAN VIRUS: Your computer becomes obsessed with marrying its
own motherboard.
PBS VIRUS: Your programs stop every few minutes to ask for
money.
ELVIS VIRUS: Your computer gets fat, slow and lazy, then self
destructs; only to resurface at shopping malls and service
stations across rural America.
ROSE LAW FIRM VIRUS: Causes your printer to become a paper
shredder.
NIKE VIRUS: Just does it.
SEARS VIRUS: Your data wont appear unless you buy new cables,
power supply and a set of shocks.
CONGRESSIONAL VIRUS #2: Runs every program on the hard drive
simultaneously, but doesn't allow the user to accomplish
anything.
KEVORKIAN VIRUS: Helps your computer shut down as an act of
mercy.
IMELDA MARCOS VIRUS: Sings you a song (slightly off key) on boot
up, then subtracts money from your Quicken account and spends it
all on expensive shoes it purchases through Prodigy.
STAR TREK VIRUS: Invades your system in places where no virus
has gone before.
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