Iraq, The Ant-Christ, UFO's, and oh yes, Elvis, too!

by Timothy Goodness

Al Qaeda is the enemy! No harbor will be safe, no country that gives the enemy shelter will escape the wrath of The United States! Or words to that effect. So said our President, George Dubya Bush.

Okay, fine, Mr. President, we have all heard there's an Al Qaeda camp in Iran, right?

So...why are we positioning our forces and preparing the world for a war with Iraq?

Well, it would seem some of those conspiracy nuts are willing to take out all the stops to come up with a how, why and reason, ( other then the obvious that is! ) You see, some of these folks are so far above us in their thought process, that they seem to have tied everything and everyone into the conspiracy, even Elvis!

Yes, Elvis! Hard to believe? Bear with me here...

We all know about Elvis, right? We all know he really isn't dead. Well, I have formulated a time line of Elvis sightings, as reported in such fine news sources as The National Enquirer, The Sun, and The World News. It would seem that Elvis sightings have had a dramatic drop since the third quarter of 1990. Yup, it's true! However, tabloids from the Middle East have noted a huge increase in Elvis sightings since early 1991.

Have you figured it out yet? Elvis is living in Iraq! And the pending war on Iraq is being driven by the need to rescue the recording industry, which is now experiencing its worst sales since the early 1980's! It's really very simple, Elvis is hiding out there, living it up in Saddam's palaces, enjoying the good life while the industry he helped create is dying! Don't make sense yet? Well, think about this, all those record companies are managed by Jews, Jews with a direct interest in Israel! Iraq hates Israel, right? So getting rid of Saddam in the process of capturing Elvis and bringing him back here to make records and save the recording industry is a win-win situation!

But it gets even better!

Our president is a Christian, right? By invading Iraq, people like Pat Robertson, and Gerry Falwell are hoping to bring about the rapture. Thus, getting rid of all those evil people who enjoy things like freedom of religion, an occasional drink with alcohol in it, and lets not forget the big one!...SEX!

So, if you believe in conspiracies, as do I, and you understand the apparent connections made above, it's easy to see that our President is indeed being pressured by many sources to invade Iraq!

Think I'm crazy? Well, you may be right! But lets be honest, this theory makes as much sense as most of those I have heard in the last few months.

And I've heard them all!

Saddam is the Anti-Christ; Saddam is holding evidence of our planet being seeded by aliens; Saddam is an alien; Saddam is protecting the religions of the world from the truth; George Bush is the Anti-Christ; It's the New World Order; It's The United States doing the bidding of Israel; Saddam has a UFO, etc, etc.!

Give me a break!

Saddam is not the Anti-Christ, neither is Bush or bin Laden! Read you're scripture folks, the Ant-Christ will be accepted by Israel as the Messiah. Do you see any of these people being accepted as the Messiah?

Saddam is not holding the truth from the world to save the worlds' religions! Saddam Hussein is a man who has no regard for religion, and would gladly through the world into whatever chaos such information would bring- if he had said information to do so. Think about it! He hates the Jews, he hates the Kurds, and has massacred any group that has opposed him whenever he's had the chance, with no regard for their religion. Jew, Christian, Muslim, it doesn't matter, he kills them all!

Ironically, as far as personal freedom is concerned, Iraqis enjoy more then most people in the Middle East. The Iraqi society is one that gives more freedom to its women then any of its neighbors. Don't want to wear a burka, then don't! You won't get stoned ladies, not in Iraq anyway, and you can work, too!

The facts are really quite simple here. Iraq has oil, and lots of it! and our President is an oil man! and so is our Vice President! Iraq has a mad-man dictator, one our President has a personal vendetta against. As for Israel, the benefit of a Saddam-free Middle East is a no brainer. And who could deny that Israel's lobbying group, AIPAC, does not do everything they can to influence both our election process and elected officials.

In the grand scheme of things, getting rid of Saddam and setting up a democratic government, ( if it will work ), is a good start to cleaning up that area of the world. Needless to say, this will not come without cost, perhaps a very high cost. How many of our military people will die or be infected with some mysterious illness like "Gulfwar Syndrome" this time? How many innocent Iraqis will die bringing freedom to their nation? How many Iraqis will embrace a democratic system? And so on and so forth, the questions such action would bring seems endless at times.

Sadly, it would seem the answers will only be brought about by military action, and I can't prove my Iraq-Elvis connection. That's okay though, because none of those conspiracy nuts can prove any of their claims either, and trust me, thats why they make them!

However, there is one thing I can prove; Sanctions do nothing but give dictators like Saddam Hussein a reason to starve children and deny them medical care. All the while finding the money to build palaces and buy loyalty from those around them.

Think I'm wrong about the sanctions? Here's you're proof; Go to Miami, and look 90 miles south! The dictator down there has out-lived 9 presidencies and counting.

Then go ask you're local conspiracy nut for proof that Saddam, or anyone else for that matter, is the Anti-Christ, or that Saddam has proof of an Alien-Earth connection, or a UFO, or Planet X, or whatever they happen to be spewing out at that time. Ask them for proof for anything other then the obvious, that this war will be about little more then oil, revenge and bringing stability to the Middle East...see what you get!