totse.com | First Love

All stories on this web site are purely FICTIONAL. The people depicted within these stories only exist in someone's IMAGINATION. Any resemblence between anyone depicted in these stories and any real person, living or dead, is an incredible COINCIDENCE too bizarre to be believed. If you think that you or someone you know is depicted in one of these stories it's only because you're a twisted perverted little fucker who sees conspiracies and plots where none exist. You probably suspect that your own MOTHER had sex with ALIENS and COWS and stuff. Well, she didn't. It's all in your head. Now take your tranquilizers and RELAX.

Author's note: The following story is completely fictitious. It is the "coming of age" story of three young adults whose lives become intertwined. I wrote the first chapter as a story (was titled "I Had To Have This Boy") in its own, with a beginning and an end, but I received many requests for more about these characters. The original story was told from the point of view of the girl, but the remainder is all third person from the point of view of several people. The timeline is not straightforward, as most of the book is in flashbacks. The flashbacks eventually catch up to the point in time when the beginning chapter takes place so the reader can understand the first scene and its characters better. It is not exotic, nor is it more sex than story. Actually as it gets going it's about 1 part sex 10 parts story. There is a lot of "believable" stuff in this story, (*lots* of conversations, thoughts, slang, non-sexual fantasies, etc.) enough that it may bore some or add an element of real life to others.

Preface

The cold air stung my lungs at I glanced over at Matt. It was so cold his breath was frosty in the air. He looked at me and quickly glanced away.

I was extremely drunk. I had just broken up with my long-term boyfriend earlier in the week, the boy who had taken my virginity. I had vowed to get completely smashed this weekend. Now here I was, being escorted home by a freshman 'cause my friends didn't want me walking home alone. I had been crying, so drunk at the party, I had insisted on going home NOW and so they grabbed Matt and told him to walk me home because everybody else was either too drunk to drive or busy getting on somebody.

My heart raced when our eyes had briefly met. I knew this boy had a crush on me, and it drove me wild. I had just wanted to say, "Awwwwhhhh" all year, whenever he had come up with a lame excuse to talk to me, to stand by me, whenever he had gathered the courage to utter a word to me. It made my stomach flutter when he stammered mid-sentence as he tried desperately to find something to say next.

I remember the time his buddies grabbed me at lunch, yelling, "Hey Matt, it's your girl! It's your girl!" What could I do but look away, pretending I didn't hear as he told them to shut up, red faced. I felt bad for him, the way his buddies teased him. Well, maybe he was rather immature, even for a freshman. I couldn't help but remember the senior I had had a crush on when I was a freshman, and wondered if Matt had some of the same thoughts about me, especially at night, as I had had about that boy.

But right then I was so drunk, I nearly tripped over the curb as I stepped over it. I wanted to say something to him, but the silence was deafening. I started crying again, saying how I hated my ex-boyfriend and how my life sucked.

"Thanks. You're so nice Matt!" I exclaimed, fawning (my usual drunk line: "You're so nice!").

His blue eyes, framed by long lashes, studied my face as we walked in the moonlight. I knew he knew I was drunk. I wondered what he was thinking, if he had had some great plan all along to get me into bed that he never *quite* got a chance at, considering I had always had a boyfriend since he had known me. Maybe some plan that he was always altering here and there, while he never gave up. I wondered if he was thinking it was now his big chance.

I leaned on him suddenly, wrapping my arms around him while I sobbed into his shoulder, "Matt, you're so nice..."

He awkwardly put his arm around me, whispering, "Don't cry," to me as we tried to continue walking while I was nearly backward, my arms still around him as I clung to him desperately. I continued crying as we reached my house.

He stood awkwardly on my doorstep as I tried to unlock the door and undo the security system at the same time. I'm sure he didn't know what to, if he should listen to his common sense that was telling him I would laugh at him hysterically and tell him to get lost if he asked to come in, or whether to go with his primal urges and stay around. I wondered if he could ignore the bulge I had felt in his pants as I had clung to him, my seventeen year-old body pressing against his. I wondered if I could ignore it.

"Come in with me," I pleaded, grabbing his hands as my eyes tried to focus. "I'm scared-it's all dark," my voice croaked.

"Okay," he whispered, staring at my hand as I grabbed his clumsily and pulled him in. The door closed behind us and we were emerged in darkness.

I pulled him toward my bedroom. I could hear his rapid breathing over the soft sounds of his tennis shoes on the hall carpet. Thank God, my parents were out of town.

"See if anybody's in there," I ordered, pushing him into my room as I hung back in the hallway, still crying.

He reached in and turned on my light. No one in there. He glanced around my room, taking in everything instantly: from the box on my floor filled with picture frames and miscellaneous junk left over from my relationship with Ryan, to my stuffed animals on the shelf, and finally to my double bed with the soft pillows and down comforter. His eyes stopped dead at the bed, and he swallowed. I wondered if he'd fantasized about my bed before, me sleeping in it, himself being in it, maybe about making love to me under its covers. I walked past him into the room and switched on the bed side lamp. I sat on the bed and put my head in my hands. God, I was drunk. I don't know how long I sat like that as Matt stared at me, but finally I heard his low voice stammer,

"Wait, comere..." I said to him. He walked over to me slowly, swallowing. He sat on the bed next to me. He was so nervous. He rubbed his palms on his thighs- was he sweating?

"Are you gonna go back to Dana's?" (Dana was my best friend whose house the party at been at; Matt was friends with her little brother Mike, which was how he got to a senior party in the first place).

"I dunno," he said. "Mike was getting with some girl earlier and I'm not sure he wants me to still spend the night. I might just walk home, it's not that far."

"But it's so cold!" I exclaimed, looking at him like he was the bravest guy in the world.

"Oh," he said shyly, smiling down at his hands, which were in his lap, conveniently hiding the bulge from me.

I stood up, and he immediately stood up too. I walked around to the end of my bed, where I paused, not remembering what I was looking for or where I had been going. Instinctively, he followed me and stood next to me as I began laughing drunkenly, incoherently exclaiming about how funny it was that I didn't know what I had been going to get.

He smiled at me, still studying my face with his huge blue eyes. I grabbed his jacket and laughed hysterically into his shoulder. I put my arms around him and snuggled close to him. I could feel his heart pounding.

My arms still around him, I drew back and smiled at him. My smile faded, and his eyes grew panicky as I just looked at him. I rose up on my tip toes and kissed him gently on the mouth. He sucked in air rapidly; God, I thought the boy was going to hyperventilate. I didn't pull back though, and he began to kiss me back. I opened my mouth and slipped my tongue in to touch his. My arms wrapped tightly around his broad shoulders while we kept kissing. His hands slid down my back, bravely resting on my ass.

My insides were quivering. I pulled away again, and slid my hands down his hard chest as he stared at me.

"Matt," I whispered. "Have you ever made love before?" He gulped again, and shook his head, not looking me in the eye, as he hung his head. Oh, I thought, he's embarrassed about his virginity! My heart swelled. I began kissing him again, his neck and his ear while he breathed out in a rush.

"Make love to me tonight," I pleaded in a whisper. "Matt, please make love to me."

I began slowly undressing him, unbuttoning his shirt and pulling it off while I kissed the soft white skin of his chest. My tongue licked his hard nipple.

We lay on the bed and kissed. Eager, and not knowing exactly what he was supposed to do, he practically tried to enter me before we were even completely undressed.

I pushed him off me gently, and got him on his back. First I kissed his mouth, and his ears, and his neck. I licked both his nipples, and lay my head down on his muscular chest as it heaved up and down rapidly. Kneeling next to him on the bed while I leaned over him, he stared up at me, touching my face softly, and I returned his stare. My fingers lightly ran over his ribs, and I kissed each one.

Slowly moving south, teasing, I stuck my tongue in his belly button and he groaned, knowing I'm sure the direction I was headed in and what I was after. I kissed the baby fine hairs below his navel. They ran in a streak down into his jeans. My lips traveled all over his stomach, and his hips. I finished unbuttoning his jeans, and he lifted up so I could pull them off. His hard cock stuck out of the hole in his underwear. Odd thought, I wondered if his mother folded her son's underwear. I wondered what she would think if she could see him now... I crawled between his spread thighs. He was positively shaking, his hands fumbling about on the bed by his sides. He *is* inexperienced, I thought. I crawled back up, supporting myself above him, and kissed him again.

I touched his face lightly, and smiled at him in the dim light. I smoothed his hair back on his forehead while he swallowed. I kissed him again. He touched my hair too, and nodded again, reassuring me. I went back down.

His underwear off completely, I began teasing him as his breathing became even more coarse and rapid. I began licking his thighs, and then kissing his pubic hair as his cock rubbed in my long hair. He stared at me, his eyes glassy. I kept massaging his thighs and running my tongue through his pubic hair. He groaned. I knew I was driving him crazy. I looked up at him; our eyes locked.

I continued kissing his thighs, then moved my head up and let my tongue slightly touch his warm balls. He gasped, his hips jerking up. I swallowed one of his balls while he moaned, "Oh my God...." I slid my tongue up the length of his long hard dick. I swirled my tongue around, and slid it back down to his full balls. I gently took one into my mouth and sucked it a little. I tongued the underside of his dick's head, and he groaned. I licked it up and down. All the while he was whimpering like a baby.

I finally took the swollen head into my mouth and sucked it, hard. He cried out. I rubbed his shaft with my hands while his hands gripped my head, his fingers running through my hair. I took the whole thing into my mouth and began pumping, sucking his dick rapidly.

His hips began slowly rocking, bucking to meet my mouth instinctively. I glanced up at him without letting go of my prize. His head was thrown back on the pillow, his eyes closed and his mouth open. His hip thrusts became faster, sticking his cock into my throat and nearly gagging me while he gripped my head. My God, I thought, he's fucking my mouth. His whimpering became louder and he started to yell while I sucked faster, as fast as I could.

"OhmyGod, ohmyGod," he yelled, as his whole body stiffened. "I'm cumming, I'm cumming!" he groaned as his sperm exploded into my mouth and down my throat. His hips were lifted off the bed completely as he tried desperately to get as deep as he could. He came so much I couldn't handle it all and it seeped out of the corners of my mouth.

"Yeah, baby, yeah!" he grunted. With one final "Unngghh!" he collapsed on the bed and tried to catch his breath. I looked up at him from between his sweaty thighs and saw his facial expression.

I licked the rest of Matt's cum off of his dick. I crawled up to him and laid next to him. I put my head on his chest and hugged him while he stroked my hair. I kissed his pecs and rubbed his shoulders. I held him to me for awhile, then I lay on my back and looked up at the ceiling. I wondered what he would do.

He looked over at me first, then leaned over and kissed me. He began kissing my neck and fondling my breasts. He was too rough at first, squeezing my nipples and kneading my tits, pinching them, fascinated with the new toys I had presented him with. I gasped in pain and he looked pleased, probably thinking I was in pleasure. The darling boy was so eager to please. I pushed his hands away and he looked at me, questioningly.

Matt looked down at my body. He started by gently tonguing my nipples and kissing my chest all over, then began sucking on them. His hand explored my cunt, and he inserted a couple of fingers in, exclaiming how wet I was. I gasped aloud and moaned when his tough fingers found my clitoris, and he quickly looked up in surprise.

Happy where he was, he continued sucking my breasts and finger fucking me while his thumb rolled over my clit. Spreading my legs apart, I gently pushed him lower. I lifted one knee up. He stared at me, maybe nervous about being inexperienced. But he set his mind up to go for it. His hard cock stuck out like a pole from his belly as he repositioned himself between my legs.

I gasped in pleasure as his wet mouth attached itself to my quivering cunt. His tongue slipped in to my vagina and explored my insides. Armed with his new information, he didn't neglect my clitoris, but instead worshipped it with his tongue and lips. I kept encouraging him with groans and yelps and words.

"Oh Matt, honey!" I groaned. "God, Matty, don't stop! Don't stop!" It's not like I was in any danger of his going anywhere; he was glued between my open thighs, happily eating his first pussy. He kept sucking and sucking me and pretty soon the room began to spin. "Ohhh, I'm cumming I'm cumming!" I shrieked while every nerve in my body danced. I shook all over and grabbed his head and pushed it into me. He looked a little alarmed, but extremely pleased with himself, which drove me crazy.

My heart rate, pounding in my ears, slowed as my orgasm subsided. He continued eating me, making me horny again. Besides, I'm insatiable when I'm drunk.

I noticed he was absentmindedly stroking his virgin cock while his tongue plunged into my cunt. I motioned for him to move up. He scrambled up next to me and began kissing me. I spread my legs apart and whispered in his ear, "Matt, put it in me..."

He was on top of me in a flash, after all, *this* is what he had been waiting for for fifteen years. *This* is what he thought of constantly, what every other guy talked about constantly. Heaven awaited him between my spread thighs.

With one arm supporting him, the other gripped the head of his purple cock which he aimed at my dripping box. He searched for the entrance, then eased in the head. He then shoved the entire length in while we both gasped in pleasure. He lay on top of me, and thrust his dick in deeper, banging against my cervix while I cried out in pain. My sweaty thighs gripping his hips, he pumped a few times more, but he was too excited, and began to cum. In his innocence and extreme excitement he pulled out completely and got off center.

His hands supporting him while I cradled his head on my shoulders, completely withdrawn out of me, he desperately began humping my thighs and pubic mound. He frantically tried to get it back into me but failed and began shooting his hot cum all over my thighs. His voice wavered as he let out a cry.

He collapsed onto me. I held him in my arms and began kissing him. He pulled away, and didn't look me in the eye as he whispered, "I'm sorry," and looked down between us at the mess. "I know, I came too soon," he said sadly, "I'm sorry..."

My stomach leapt to my throat as I thought of how sensitive he was being of me and my needs, how desperate to please me he was. The thought of him being upset by his perceived lack of a "good" performance made me want to cry. I grabbed his face and made him look at me. "No, don't be sorry," I said. "It was wonderful; I loved it."

He gave me a shy smile and looked again at the sticky mess that we were encased in. He rolled off me and lay on his back staring at the ceiling, still smiling embarassedly. I told him not to worry about it and grabbed some Kleenex and cleaned us off.

I snuggled up close to him underneath the covers. We kissed and rubbed each other and giggled. We lay on our sides facing each other, our hips pressing together.

His dick soon stiffened, poking against me. He grinned at me. He rolled onto his back and pulled me on top of him. I spread my legs and guided it in. I lay on him at first, my breasts pinned against his chest, and fucked him hard. The I sat up and rode him while he lay back with a huge smile on his face, fondling my tits. I couldn't believe how much pleasure I was experiencing with this boy.

I crawled off of him and lay on my side with my back to his chest. I pulled his glistening dick between my legs. Our hands met down there as both of us together put his long dick into my cunt. He began thrusting into me rapidly from behind, grunting his approval. I led his hands to my clit which he played with, his dick in me all the way. He got me onto all fours and continued fucking me.

"Hell yeah," he grunted at me. I banged him backwards, meeting each of his thrusts and drowning in pleasure. He massaged my ass, gripping my hips and then reaching down with one hand for my clit, his new best friend. I shrieked in pleasure from his fingers manipulating my clit like that. He was a quick learner, that's for certain. He leaned over me, his chest pressed into my back while his arms supported him next to mine. His large hands covered my small ones on the bed, while he kept thrusting his slippery dick into me. He breathed and groaned in my ear.

"Sit, sit," I told him. We kept it in somehow and I sat on him like that, my ass grinding into his groin while my thighs straddled his. He clasped me to him, and held my breasts with one hand while the other went between my legs. I fondled his balls between my thighs and he played with my clit. My head lolled backward on his shoulder as I moaned, and I twisted around and we kissed.

"No," I ordered playfully. "You're not allowed! Matty, you're not ALLOWED to come yet!"

"Awright, but I'm gonna if you don't hold still," he warned. I stopped moving and held still. He didn't move a muscle, and in fact he was holding his breath. I'm almost started to laugh, but he was gripping my body so tightly I could barely breathe myself. He let his breath out, and said okay.

I returned to rocking him back and forth. It was too much for me, his fingers pressed into my clit and rubbing it around, plus his hard dick lodged into me, all made me come again.

"Ohh, ohhhhhh! Yes!" I breathed. "I'm cumming, Matt you're making me cum again you fucker! OooOOOOooh...!"

The combination of the two, laughing hysterically and coming at the same time, was unbelievably incredible. I ground my hips into him violently, trying to milk every ounce of pleasure out of it that I could. He groaned loudly as my vagina spasmed several times, clenching his dick tightly. I breathed hard, spent.

Exhausted, and teasing a little, I got off him and fell on my back on the bed, covering my eyes with my forearm and crossing my legs at the ankles.

"That was great Matty, really great..." I murmured, moving my arm a little so I could see him. Matt still sat on the end of the bed, his swollen dick pulsating up in down, still needing me desperately. The look on his face was partial panic, not knowing whether I was done with him or not, and partial amusement, knowing I was teasing him.

I removed my arm completely and, raising my knees up, smiled at him. "Comere!" I said, holding my arms out to my boy. "Comere..."

He was in me again quickly, this time with my raised legs over his shoulders. We kissed passionately, our wet mouths open and our tongues prying in and intertwining, while his hips bucked, his cock in me so deep. He thrust again and again.

Soon, his breathing became even more rapid and he cried out as he shot jets of his sperm into me. He groaned and kept thrusting faster and faster, then eventually slower, and slower, until finally he fell out and we just lay holding each other, spent.

He kissed me. "I love you," he whispered, his eyes shining. I was much wiser than Matt, older and wiser and perhaps knew a lot more about love than him. But, at that moment, held tightly in his arms, I loved him too, desperately. "I love you too..." I told him. Matt grinned at me and kissed me again.

Matt walked in through the front door of his house, relieved to find his parents gone. His little sisters sat in the living room watching cartoons, still in their pajamas. Tired, and happier than he could ever remember being, he went up to his bedroom and lay on his bed, still in the clothes he had worn yesterday to school.

Yesterday seemed so long ago. Laying on his stomach, he tried to remember last night. He tried to remember what it felt like, his dick in her, her mouth around it. His dick throbbed against the bed. He closed his eyes and smiled. He had made her cum. She had told him to come over tonight too. He wanted her so bad, not just to have sex with, but really wanted her. He needed her.

He thought about her constantly, had from the first moment he had laid eyes on her. She wasn't with Ryan anymore. She had told him she hated him. He had also seen it in her eyes last night when Ryan came over to the party, trying to convince her to come back to him. She threw his ring away. She flushed it down the toilet in front of everyone. Could this really be happening? he wondered, still smiling. Was she finally his? he thought sleepily.

He woke up that afternoon around three, sweaty around his collar, the sun pouring into his room. The phone- the phone was ringing. Why wasn't anybody answering it? he thought in annoyance, then, What if it was her?, leaping out of his bed and running into his parents' room. The machine in the kitchen had already gone on by the time he had picked it up, shouting "Hello? Hold on a second," waiting for the announcement to finish. He heard his friend Erik's voice.

"So, what did you do last night?" Matt asked, feeling superior. He knew Erik's night couldn't've topped his.

"Oh, nuthin' much. Was going to go to some party but my parents wouldn't let me go out y' know."

"Yeah. Cuffy and Rick- you know Rick Jackson, from PE? Anyway, they came over and we watched some porno. It was theirs," he added. Matt laughed, feeling extremely superior. He laughed again.

"Maybe I am," Matt replied, matter-of-factly. He felt a twinge of regret in his heart after he said that, for he knew he was going to tell, and he knew she might not like that. She hadn't said he *couldn't* tell anybody though.

"Oh yeah right," replied Erik haughtily. "You ain't never had a girl or nuthin."

"No way. She's fine as hell. You know Jen Halleran? The one with the long brown hair?"

"Man. Was that at that party last night?" Erik demanded, starting to believe Matt.

"Fuck you. What the hell happened? I thought she had some boyfriend? Mike said they were hella serious."

"She was really upset, you know, cause her ex-boyfriend came to the party and he was all trying to get back with her and stuff. But anyway, I walked her home and she hella wanted it."

"She liked pulled me inside and she's like, 'Matt, Matt, make love to me!'" he said, getting in to the story. "She's like, "Oh Matt, I want your cock, I want your cock!"

"Twice? God I hate you. You're such a fucker. You're lying I know it," insisted Erik.

"I'm not! I'm dead serious. I'm goin' over there again tonight too. I guess I'll get me some more."

"Oh, like what? Now that you've gotten some you're the King of All Pussy? Fuck you."

"Awright. I promise," Erik gave in, not being especially sincere although Matt didn't pick up on that.

In the shower his dick stood up straight, hard as he stood under the spray of hot water. He closed his eyes and thought about tonight. He was sure she wanted him the way she had last night. She had been drunk though, a little voice in his head said. But this morning, this morning she wasn't drunk anymore.

He had woken up before her, his arms around her and her head resting on his naked chest. He had known it wasn't a dream then. He had wanted to stay, stay and hold her and make love to her again. But he was scared his mom was going to call Mike's and ask to speak with him, maybe even go over there to pick him up. If he wasn't there he'd have been dead. What if his mom found out where he was and showed up? So he left her to go home, and she'd protested, wanting to know where he was going.

He'd thought she looked sad that he was leaving her. He felt a chill run through him at the thought. He wished he was still with her, damn he wished he had a car. He could've stayed longer if his mom probably wouldn't have been worried about how he'd get home. He wished he had a license at that.

But then when he was hurriedly getting dressed she had told him she wanted him to come over again that night. He'd promised he would, his heart leaping for joy. More than anything, he just wanted to be with her. He wanted to hold her in his arms and talk with her, about anything.

He looked down at his dick, still pulsating. He washed it, soaping it up. He thought about tonight. He rubbed it up and down. Thoughts flew at him as his body racked with waves of pleasure: Save it for tonight, you don't need to do that anymore, then, you can't show up with a hardon.

Matt gripped the bar on the shower door as his sperm shot out onto the tile wall in front of him.

Matt's mom walked into the kitchen, turning on the light to see through the dusk. She called for someone to help her with the groceries. She heard the TV on. Her husband had a softball game. Her daughters scampered through the house, still at the age where chores were fun. She started putting away the groceries she had brought in already, pausing to check the answering machine. The light was blinking. She pressed play, and was surprised at how long it rewound for while she put the vegetables away. She listened in amusement for a second. After awhile she turned pale.

Matt walked over to her house in the dusk, smelling of his dad's cologne. He was so happy. He wondered if people looking at him could tell he wasn't a virgin.

He thought about that night. He could just imagine what would happen He would walk in and give her a kiss (damn why didn't he get her some flowers? He'd look for a nice one to steal on the rest of the way).

"Hi sweetheart," he'd answer. Maybe they'd make dinner together? He was really hungry. He knew her parents were out of town a lot, they were gone for months at a time, Mike said. Mike knew a lot about her, since her best friend was his sister. She was a really good cook he'd heard.

Then maybe they'd do it. Maybe they'd go to a movie after, or before actually. He had $20 in his wallet. He felt embarrassed that she'd have to drive. But, it couldn't be helped.

He turned into her circular driveway. Right away, he knew something was amiss. Dana's black Honda Accord was there. He thought he could hear music.

Dammit, he thought. What's Dana doing here? Slowly, he walked up to her doorstep. Maybe she's about to leave. He wanted to be alone with her, without Dana. He rang the bell. It seemed so strange that he had been there less than 24 hours ago.

His heart leapt to his throat as the doorknob rattled, the door flying open. Dana stood there. She looked him up and down, he swore she did. They were best friends, of course she knew what they'd done. Girls told each other everything.

"Uh, yeah. Come in," she said, stepping aside to let him in. He followed Dana down the hall to her bedroom. She was making her bed he guessed, she had a pillow under her chin and was putting the pillowcase on.

Jen looked beautiful. Matt fought off the desire to jump on her right then. Her hair, freshly washed, shined in the light as it hung down her back. She wore a white t-shirt and cutoff blue jeans, unraveling at the ends. Her legs were so tan. She looked over at him for a second, her eyes cool, no emotion, then turned away, facing the sliding glass door that revealed all their reflections.

"Hey, will you help me with this?" she asked, sounding a little annoyed, stretching the clean sheets across the bed. He stared at her ass when she bent over, not believing that he'd touched it the night before.

He jumped and said, "Who, me?" It was pointless, his words just hung in the air; Dana had already started helping her make the bed.

Matt got that familiar sick feeling in his gut. He felt so isolated from them. Then he felt angry at himself. She didn't want him there, he could feel it. She didn't even say hi to him. He desperately wanted to leave right then, wanted to run away and hide in his bed. But yet she hadn't done anything mean to him, just hadn't done what he thought she'd do. He hated her for an instant. Then he felt ashamed.

Dana was giving her a look from across the bed, he thought. He couldn't tell what it meant, except possibly it meant, "Well? Aren't you going to acknowledge Matt?" He couldn't see Jen's eyes, her reaction, but he felt vibes (was he paranoid?) that were negative toward him, like she was rolling her eyes, laughing at him.

Matt still stood there wanting to cry, hating his reflection in the glass. His hair was gelled. God, I must look like a dork, he thought, his vision blurring as he stared at his shoes.

Dana moved, and she left, giving him a slight smile as she walked out of the room. She even closed the door. It was just them. She still stood with her back to him, no longer making the bed.

"Hi," he began. His voice sounded too high. He sounded like a frickin' girl he thought.

She scratched her head, then ran her fingers through her long hair. She turned around, and she smiled at him, a genuine, warm smile. His heart leapt, it was okay! He walked toward her. He kissed her, on the cheek though, and hugged her. She didn't hug him back.

He heard Dana's car. They were alone. He sat next to her, and pulled her to him, so that her head rested on his shoulder.

"You know I was drunk," she started to say, "and I, well, I don't know." He didn't say anything. His heart broke.

"I'm sorry," she said. "I should have been more responsible." Responsible? What was she talking about? Was she pregnant? No, she wouldn't know already. Besides, Mike had said she was on the pill. He'd even seen them.

She was taken aback. "Well, it's just that Matt, you're just a baby, like, you, I didn't mean that, no I didn't mean you're a baby like that. I mean that it just wouldn't work out," she stumbled. His mind reeled as his eyes filled with tears.

"I don't think you're a baby," she repeated, knowing that remark had gone straight to his heart. "I think you're a great guy! "

"Then why don't you like me?" he asked, sadly. In all truth he didn't want to know, he wanted to run out of there as fast as he could and never face her again. But part of him was waiting for her to say that she DID like him, that she loved him like she said last night.

"Fucking bitch!" he screamed. Actually he didn't say it aloud, like he wanted to, but in his mind he screamed it just the same. He was such a goddamn fool. Stupid fool! he yelled at himself. *She hates me she doesn't love me she doesn't like me she DOESN'T love me. . .* It ran through his mind over and over *Fucking bitch stupid fool goddamn fucking bitch stupid fool. . .*

He stood up suddenly and walked out of her room without saying anything. She jumped up and followed him, saying, "Matt, wait, come back..."

She tried to grab his hands as he walked down the hall, trying to make him see, oh, why couldn't he *see*? He pushed her away, pushed her groping hands away as tears streamed down his face, tears he was determined that she wouldn't see.

"Leave me alone," he mumbled, pushing her away from him once and for all. His forearm covered his eyes and wiped the tears away as he went out into the night. She stood on the doorstep, one bare foot on top of the other and began to cry as he left her. She ran back into the house, threw herself on the bed and cried.

Matt's mom had listened to the tape twice, then played it for her husband. They'd both listened awkwardly, not quite sure what to do or how to punish him, if they should at all. It was strange, listening to their son's voice, swearing and saying those things to his friend. He had no idea that the answering machine that had gone on had never stopped recording the message.

*"Hell yeah. Oh my God. . ."* Matt's voice groaned into the phone. "Then I fucked her twice"

They heard the door slam. Matt was back. He walked past the kitchen and ran upstairs without even looking at them. His dad looked at his wife, and followed him upstairs. He knocked on his door. No answer, then an annoyed and muffled, "What?" He opened the door; Matt was laying on his bed facing the wall.

Matt didn't respond. His dad knew he was upset, knew something had gone wrong at that girl's house. He sat down on the corner of his bed, saying,

Matt panicked. Had she called after him? Had she told his *parents?* How much did they know? He turned around.

"What? I did not," he lied. God, my life is getting worse every second, he thought angrily.

"You told Erik- it got recorded on the machine." Matt turned away again. "I just want to say that your mother and I aren't mad at you. Just a little surprised, that's all."

Matt wanted to run away right then. My life sucks, it sucks so much shit, he thought, staring at the wall. He just wanted her, he still just wanted her. He desperately wanted his dad to disappear.

"Well, it's important. I really should have talked to you before this. Did you?"

"Not exactly. She's on the pill so she won't get pregnant. You don't have to worry about that."

"You should have used a condom," he said. "Don't you know that? You could have gotten a disease."

"She doesn't have any diseases!" he said angrily. "She's not some slut, she's not like that."

"Just do. She's only done it with one other guy. Not that it's any of your business."

"Still. . ." he said, feeling a trifle bad. "I didn't mean to imply that she was slutty; it's just that you have to be careful." Matt said nothing, still facing away from his dad.

It was special, he thought to himself bitterly. Screw you what the hell do you know?

His dad paused, looking at the back of his son's head. "Do you like her a lot?" he asked gently.

"Oh Matt," he comforted, patting his back. "You'll get over her, really. I know that's no consolation right now, but you have to realize that. . . Also, although it's enjoyable of course," he said awkwardly.

"So, um, just remember that. We can't stop you from having sex. It's not that we want to prevent you from having a good time, but we just don't want to see you get hurt. We love you so much you know. You're hurting right now and that hurts us. And of course, look out for yourself. You need to know about AIDS and stuff."

In the hall, his dad felt like a royal fool. He remembered losing his virginity: awkward at first, but a memorable night at 17. He thanked the lord his dad never found out, it spared him from hearing the humiliating talk he'd just had to give his only son. He felt angry with this girl, a senior, who'd hurt his son this way.