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Walking the walk
All stories on this web site are purely FICTIONAL. The people depicted within these stories only exist in someone's IMAGINATION. Any resemblence between anyone depicted in these stories and any real person, living or dead, is an incredible COINCIDENCE too bizarre to be believed. If you think that you or someone you know is depicted in one of these stories it's only because you're a twisted perverted little fucker who sees conspiracies and plots where none exist. You probably suspect that your own MOTHER had sex with ALIENS and COWS and stuff. Well, she didn't. It's all in your head. Now take your tranquilizers and RELAX.
This story is another from the archives, and is not written by me.
Requests for just about anything concerning these posts will be ignored.
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Newsgroups: alt.sex.bondage
From: [email protected].com
Subject: Walking the Walk
Date: Fri, 17 Jul 1992 03:50:52 GMT
"You talk the talk,
do you walk the walk?"
I've always liked that quote and it's one of the reasons I stopped
posting for a while... I'd done the fantasy trip; and they were fun
stories, but... I guess, they were only stories. Reality is...
Reality is talking over what was going to happen with Flynn for about
a year, after being good friends with him and not knowing about his
S/M side until after six months of conversations. I'd been talking
with him about my realization that part of me had been dreaming about
bottoming a scene for some time, and he offered to do my first scene.
He was on the East Coast, I on the West, and we didn't really know
when we'd be able to get together to do it; but... well, Flynn and I
had been writing for almost half a year before that, and I realized
that I not only admired and liked him, but I trusted him as well. So
I decided that it would be well worth waiting for him.
Reality was waiting for that year and dealing with all the emotions
that came up over it all. Dealing with the feelings of wanting this
with all my heart, but also having problems in that most of the folks
that I'd talked with on a.s.b. associated submission with masochism,
and sexuality with masochism. It meant long, long talks with Flynn,
Elf, and John over my emotional limitations; and finding that I had
rock hard limitations against humiliation and submission. I could
cooperate, I could communicate, and I could trust; but I couldn't ever
submit. It turned out that Flynn and I never touched those
limitations. What we were putting together was a mutual expression of
trust. He assumed nothing, asked me about everything, and made
absolutely sure that I was comfortable with whatever was going on.
Reality was working for a schedule such that Flynn and I could meet
for the weekend before the party, to make sure that we were attracted
to each other, that we could, in reality, communicate with each other.
So the four of us set up being at a con at the same time, and managed
to spend quite a lot of time together.
Reality was finding out that I got a *massive* crush on Flynn over
that weekend. It was strange and wonderful to be that utterly aware
of someone again, wherever they might be. If he was within any room I
was in, I was intensely aware of where he was, even when he was out of
sight. It was strange and delicious being that deeply in a crush with
someone that I knew wouldn't... sigh... 'take advantage of it' isn't
quite the right way of putting it, but it's close. I could enjoy the
feelings because I knew that Flynn knew, absolutely, that I was
completely committed to my John and that any emotions that I might
express were entirely free of any ownership. Just as he knew that I
knew that he and FF were completely and absolutely committed to each
other. Thing is that I wanted to be able to take advantage of that
feeling *for* the scene.
Reality meant talking over the crush with John. It was about as
evident to him as an elephant, and it helped him to just talk through
his feelings about it. We got to a point where he felt that he could
just deal with it, but I was extra careful to make sure that he felt
wanted and needed.
Reality was basically having John hold me together, emotionally and
physically as we found our way to the party. I'd played rpg's 'til 5
on Saturday night, and got up at 8 on Sunday to breakfast with Flynn
and FF. Sunday night we'd gotten 6 hours of sleep because we had to
get up at 5:30 to get to our hotel in San Francisco. Also, before any
big event, I get just raw nerves. I get bitchy, whiney, and my entire
digestive system gets completely out of whack. It happens before big,
soccer championship games, it happened on Monday, so I couldn't eat a
thing for most of the day.
Reality was the rather extraordinary experience of sitting in the
middle of a Windows NT Developer's Conference already past feeling
starved and realizing, deep down and with a clarity I hadn't hit
before that I WANTED the scene that was going to happen that night;
and I wanted it with a fierce joy and a certain type of fear. Little
to none of the fear actually had anything to do with physical pain, it
all had to do with emotional pain. Fear of failure, of disappointing
people, of not being able to communicate what I wanted and needed and
where I was at. Much of the fear had been about John's reactions and
his feelings about the whole thing, but at that moment, I decided to
take him at his word and let him deal with his own emotions about the
whole thing and claim no responsibility for his feelings. That
decision freed me in ways I hadn't expected.
Reality was listening to the sound system playing 'background music'
at the conference and almost starting to cry when I heard Gabriel's
"Red Rain" and the phrase "I come to you, defenses down." So strange
to realize that that was what I needed the most, at this late date.
I was trembling as I walked the path to the house. I was in low heeled
sandles, a pair of stretch Lee jeans, a Big Dogs tank top, and my blue
leather jacket. I'd put a pair of almost peacock wire art earings on
for a touch of brightness.
We stepped in and someone said, "Let me guess..." so I stayed quiet,
but after getting looked at for a while, I said, "I'm Liralen Li." and
Charles said, from the very comfortable looking pile of people on the
floor, "Imagine my surprise." I had to laugh, and it stripped away a
layer of nervousness. Then STella greeted me, comfortably from the
couch, and another layer went away. After a short tour of the house
and the play areas, I was fairly nervous again and wondering what had
happened to Flynn as we had arrived late to begin with. Just as I was
wondering, Flynn and FF walked through the front door. They were
swept off by everyone as the celebraties of the party, and I jittered
quietly by John. At that point STella invited me to sit next to her,
so I slid over the edge of the sofa, and popped up fairly quickly from
sheer nervousness.
I had to laugh at myself at that point. There is only so much fear I
can acknowledge before I break past it and say, this is stupid. So I
sat back down, and STella kindly started to try and rub my neck
through my jacket. I sighed and grinned and peeled off the jacket to
a couple of laughing protests from STella that she didn't usually ask
people to start shucking clothes until maybe after a couple of
backrubs. A gorgeous pair of redheads (apologies for not remembering
your names), one male and one female asked to examine my jacket, and
so I tossed it to them. Then STella's warm hands started working down
my back. I sighed, closed my eyes, and finally let myself relax. A
pair of cool hands stroked my neck, slender compared to John's hands,
they slid along my jawline, ruffed the short hairs along the back of
my neck, and then stroked the muscles of my shoulders. I shivered,
knowing who the touch belonged to. I heard Flynn's voice as he
laughed softly and said, "She certainly seems to be enjoying herself,
doesn't she?" STella laughed, and four hands gently and thoroughly
rubbed away most of my trembling tension.
My John is a little like a brown bear, big, placid, patient most of
the time. He's built big, and it's almost all muscle. He's wonderful
for me to hug because I don't ever feel like I have to worry about
snapping him. He's also like a bear in that he's fairly awesome when
he gets going, and he's intelligent, independent, alert, and self-
assertive without having to be terribly agressive. He's also
wonderfully protective of his own.
Flynn, on the other hand, reminds me of a cat. A lanky, graceful
being with a touch of elegance in every movement. The fiery red hair
is impressively copper colored, and his self-assurance is that of a
cat that never does what it didn't mean to. Grin. Most cats I've met
are too skinny to be believed for their inherent strength, and the
same was true of Flynn.
FF is absolutely and simply beautiful. Compact and muscular, graceful
isn't quite enough to describe how she moves, and her capability to
simply accept her sexuality and her beauty is something that I envy a
little and appreciate a lot. Her assurance is a little quieter than
Flynn's but seems to be just as solid and is based on more self-
knowledge than most of the people that I know even think to explore.
The next hour or so was a jumble of things, getting introduced to
SiLK, Kestrel, Suki, Muffy, Averti, Rich, and various others that,
sadly, I've forgotten most of the names of. There was the usual
congregation within the kitchen, blocking all traffic through the
area. In there, somewhere, Flynn invited me into the first hug of the
night, and I found myself trembling. "You know," I said with half a
laugh, "I'm scared to death." Flynn grinned at me and hugged me
closer and then asked if I'd like a kiss. I nodded, and, for the
first time since I married John five years ago, I kissed someone other
than John. It was different, interesting, and with the additional
boost of my crush, made my bones feel like they were going to rubber.
At one point, SiLK pointed out Dances with Aardvarks, and we
exchanged smiles. Dances has a wonderful smile. He also had a
wonderful flogger that he'd made himself with exquistely braided tails
and a tightly knotted handle. Flynn and FF's toys came out. And, in
a little while Charles and Kestral started the play with a test drive
of one of the floggers.
While they went at it, I put on the cuffs that Flynn had brought for
me, and after the small demo, we all went downstairs and started
putting up things to make the basement pretty much private. Flynn and
I started going over some of the things that we were leaving up to the
last minute. Some of them were things we simply weren't going to be
able to resolve. "We'll see how it goes" was the catch phrase of my
night. We had no idea how it would go. Flynn held me while folks set
things up and that felt very good, as we discussed those last issues.
People started to filter downstairs. Pretty much everyone at the party
was down there. I blinked at all the people. One of the things I hadn't
been sure of was my capability to deal with having a lot of people
watching. SiLK, John, and Flynn all asked me if it would be O.K.. I just
sorta nodded, but just before Flynn and I were going to get started,
Charles asked me as well. It took a moment, but it surprised me a little
to realize that it would be just fine. Much of it was the obvious concern
that I be comfortable. Some of it was having met almost all of these
people upstairs. Elf was right... with these folks there was a definite
feeling of attention, of not being so much an 'object' as someone that
they actually cared about. It was interesting feeling that comfortable in
front of that many people. Normally, I'm probably the most invisible
person in a room, and I prefer it that way.
After folks had settled and Flynn had shown me all his toys and we'd
gone over, yet again, what I did and didn't want to try. We tried out
a blindfold that someone had brought. It worked beautifully. At that
point the folks in the room were so quiet I nervously asked for them
to play my Soundgarden CD. Flynn hugged me again. About then
something just gave way, and I stopped worrying and switched into what
I call immediate mode. On the soccer field there is a point where I
simply start experiencing, where all the inhibitions come down, and
all there is is reaction and field communication. Of course, right at
that moment, my right foot started cramping. Laughter!
So I shucked my clothes without a single twinge of embarrassment and
just a touch of annoyance at the cramping. I held my hair out of the
way as Flynn put the blindfold on. He asked me softly if it was on
right, and I nodded, stretching that foot pretty frequently.
Throughout the scene, we were talking, him asking me how things were
going, and I doing my best to answer as accurately as possible. He
led me over to the spreader bar we'd put just under the ceiling, and
Flynn attached my cuffs. We tested the panic snaps and startled a few
people when they spinged open, especially since the left one came out
first, and the right side slammed into the ceiling before I could get
it loose. Yeah, I'm a touch tall. :)
After we got me free easily and reattached, Flynn stroked my skin as
he told me what he was going to start with the lighter flogger and
reminded me that the ceiling eyelet wasn't going to take my full
weight. For a long moment he held me close. I sighed and relaxed.
Light strokes of the flogger, gentle and slightly itchy. The tips
just dragging a little across the skin. I giggled a little and Flynn
started working it harder and harder across my back. As the strokes
followed, one after the other, it stung more and more. After one
particularly hard shot I jumped, and he stopped. "How did you like
that?" he asked, and I took a moment before I answered, "Interesting..."
It surprised me how easy it was to just fall into the order and
pattern of it all. The pain wasn't nearly as hard as I thought it
might be. Throughout the scene I trusted Flynn to hear everything I
said and to respond to it. One of the things I remember was the
incredible feeling of being at the focus of all of Flynn's attention.
There was no need for role playing, no acting out of parts, the trust
was too real, too intimate to give it labels. We didn't have a
safeword, unless one would say that 'stop' meaning 'stop' was a
safeword. All the communication was exactly straightforward and
'everything I said is what I mean.'
I don't remember exactly all that happened in order from that point on. A
couple of floggers, a little time with a light, whippy cane that bit
something fierce and I have to admit that I didn't like much. With the
second or third flogger set, we established about how quickly things were
going to build with each flogger. The build up was gradual enough for me
to enjoy things as they built, and realize just how to balance the
sensation for a while before it put me on my toes. I also realized that
not only were most of the blows not even nearly as hard as a soccer ball
coming at me full force, but that the buildup was what was going to do the
hurting. They were, however, also hard enough that it was real,
immediate, and utterly incredible.
There were neat breaks inbetween. I remember lots of hugs, some hot
kisses, gentle touches, a rabbit fur and a chain that came out of the
refridgerator. Flynn had chuckled and put it across my breasts. I was
entirely and absolutely surprised to find that it felt *wonderful*,
especially when that coldness was laid against my back that all I did was
grin a huge grin at him at the contact. I heard folks laugh at that.
There was also ice and water and those felt marvelous against my back, I
felt like I was almost purring. "Just having an awwwful time, aren't you?"
Flynn had said with amusement in his voice, and I answered with a giggle
and a stretching of my back.
At some point, he told me that he was about to use the flogger that he
was giving me on me. It was a big, blue flogger with a huge number of
amazing black and blue tails. We thought it would thud pretty well,
and I thought it did really well. The build up was really good, and I
started making sounds a few strokes into it. Flynn stopped and asked
me what I said, and I had to try and think about what I had actually
said, "Wow. Neat." was what came out to some laughter. I'm still
not exactly sure if that's what I really said during the flogging, but
it's what I wanted to say. I was pretty breathless about it, and
someone had been remarking about how I was bruising. So I asked for
three more as that was the first number that popped into my head.
Flynn escalated the three strokes *perfectly*, and I just stopped
thinking with the third.
Yow.
just Yow.
I don't think I'll ever forget that.
STella once likened it to flying. I didn't get what she meant until
that particular hit, and then I felt it to my core in a way I still
haven't found the words for.
Flynn told me rather dryly, as he was hugging me after that, that the
tips of the tails of that flogger mark rather... severely, and that if
I was going to use it on anyone that I should remember that the weight
of it was going to tend to mark someone badly if I put the tips down
on them. I think that after that we did the cane on my ass, a set of
strokes on my breasts with a light flogger, and then went back to the
back with a couple of lighter floggers. One set, and then I asked for
one more set. Someone laughingly oinked in the background, and I
giggled at that, but adamently asked for one more light set. I know
that I didn't last worth a damn with the last set, but it felt right
in ramping down.
Finally, he let me down from the bar into a close and sweaty hug. I
was drained enough at that point to be very happy to be held and
holding him and almost capable of crying, but not quite as cool satin
stroked my back and Flynn put his cloak over my shoulders. The cuffs
felt incredibly awkward for the hug, but it was managable. We just
stood that way for a while, and after he lifted the blindfold off of
me, the folks startled me a little with their applause. Eventually,
Flynn handed me over to John, and I rested in John's arms for a while.
Sometime after that, we got up to get some juice because I was feeling
really thirsty, and STella took a look at my back and with a slight
laugh said that I *really* ought to get a look at it. John at that
point assured her that he had a camera back at the room, and that he'd
also get a picture of it as well. Folks shooed me up to the bathroom,
which had easily adjustable mirrors, and I was rather startled to see
that I had two huge bruised patches along my back. They were exactly
placed, bordering along my shoulder blades, well above my kidneys, and
not a single touch along my spine. They were also the red purple of
minor capillary damage, the same as I usually got on my arms after the
first volleyball game of the season; and not the blue purple or black
and green of muscle damage. Yow. Perfect. Grin. It didn't really
hurt so much as start stiffening a little as I cooled off. The
patches stayed around for the next four days, an interesting reminder.
Others got a good look at it as well as I went back downstairs. For a
little while I just sat there on the floor, a little dazed, and a lady
came by and said, quite plainly, "Thank you. You're really beautiful,
and I'm glad that you had the courage to do that in front of
everyone." She blew my mind more than everything else that had
happened. I'm *not* used to thinking of myself as beautiful, but she
said it so plainly and straightforwardly that I had to believe her.
All I could do was say Thank You. Thanks, whoever you were. I'm very
sorry I didn't remember your name, but I'm very glad that you enjoyed
it as I enjoyed it as well, and it's... well... as hokey as it sounds,
it was *better* for the sharing of it.
FF asked Charles for a demonstration of a beaded flogger, and Flynn
got in on that for a little. Then I just sat and watched as Flynn and
FF worked over SiLK in a very solid scene. I got dressed before that
to free up the cloak. It was great being able to *watch* Flynn's
technique. He puts an insane amount of energy into everything he
does, and the variations that he has are beautiful to watch in and of
themselves.
Then Charles caned Kestrel in a very intense set. I am not at all
surprised at Kestrel having marks for long after that. There were also
other scenes going on upstairs, but I was too lazy to get up and see
what was going on. By that point it was almost midnight, and John was
wilting in my lap. I was still wide awake, and Flynn and FF were
talking about doing a scene together before they left. Flynn saying
that he wanted to *really* hit someone now that he was warmed up; and
I was fascinated with seeing how these two people that I cared a lot
about would interact.
It was wonderful. Absolutely intense and absolutely precise. There
was still the communication here, but at a more comfortable level.
Flynn knew FF's reactions and how she expressed where she was and how
she was doing. Sometimes without words, but asking for words when he
wasn't sure. And those two play hard, as far as I could tell for it
being my first play party. It had everyone holding their breath as it
ended, and the room was remarkably and respectfully quiet as it ended.
After folks started breathing again, we all started cleaning up,
picking things up, and leaving. I made sure that I had my cuffs and
flogger, and all my clothes, and then was happy to give FF a long and
very thankful hug. And then Flynn and I said good-bye as John gave FF
a hug. I also gave a hug to wjc and STella and now wished that I'd
remembered to give Charles and SiLK a hug as well, but there may be
other chances.
I certainly hope there will be. :)
Much and many thanks to SiLK, Charles Haynes and STella for setting
things up and doing the things that Flynn and I had no chance of
doing. Much love and thankfulness to FF for her support in all this,
and to my John for holding me together before it and keeping me
together during the expected physical crash after it. Most of all...
Love you, Flynn, and thank you for making my first scene unforgettable
and incredibly fun.
----
Liralen Li
[email protected].com
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Liralen Li |
[email protected].com |
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I will ignore all requests for: reposts, e-mailing parts, ftp/gif/archive
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