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Effects of solar flares on human sexual activity
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Periodic Effects of Solar Flares
on
Sexual Behavior in Man
As determined, in research done at Stanford University,
the deca-annual solar flare activity that is prevalent in
this particular solar system has a profound and interesting
effect on the sexual behavior of man.
Phase one of the study concentrated on the foreplay mode
exhibited by the average male in conjuction with the amount
of negative ion discharge event horizons on looping flares in
excess of 100,000 miles. The increased radiation caused
erection to occur 12.5% faster per unit of stimuli than on
the years of low solar flare. This of course means, that in
peak years of activity there will be an increased likelihood
of population growth. This should be considered, when urban
planning is addressed. The "radiation erectile effect" is
enhanced in areas of low ozone layer activity and one should
use caution as to not walk around with a constant boner.
Also during this peak time, the average blood flow to the
brain is less because of the sexual activity, ergo, linear
logical thinking suffers.
Phase two, the female of the species, during peak solar
flares has a decreased desire for sexual engagement, thus
this study has found interpersonal relations has a tendency
to suffer.
Phase three, excess radiation is concentrated in the
thyroid gland and the mucus membranes of the species of homo-
erectus sapiens, therefore, one should use caution when
engaging in oral sex lest the roentgen limit for safe
operation of the body be exceeded during this period of
sexual activity.
Stanford University is now sequestering volunteers to
engage in sex in a reactor to see if the effects of solar
flare sex can be contained. The results of unbridled sex
during this time will more than likely cause an increase in
population with the attending problems that would cause and
the production of a whole herd of mutants is quite possible.
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