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The Erotic Buffet
All stories on this web site are purely FICTIONAL. The people depicted within these stories only exist in someone's IMAGINATION. Any resemblence between anyone depicted in these stories and any real person, living or dead, is an incredible COINCIDENCE too bizarre to be believed. If you think that you or someone you know is depicted in one of these stories it's only because you're a twisted perverted little fucker who sees conspiracies and plots where none exist. You probably suspect that your own MOTHER had sex with ALIENS and COWS and stuff. Well, she didn't. It's all in your head. Now take your tranquilizers and RELAX.
EROTIC BUFFET
(taken from THE EROTIC BAKER COOKBOOK by K. Dwyer & P. Brown)
--APPETEASERS
CELERY IN BONDAGE
1 lb extra-sharp Cheddar, at room temperature
1 lb small-curd cottage chees, at room temperature
1 T Worcestershire sauce
Pepper to tast
Pinch of thyme
3 small bay leaves (optional)
1 bunch celery
1 small spool of twine or strands of rawhide
Blend cheses together in food processor.
Add Worcestershire, pepper, thyme, and bay leaves and mix thoroughly. Place
celery on cutting board and cut off ends. Wash and dry each celery stalk,
stuff with cheese mixture. Press stalks firmly back together, smaller stalks
inside, so that bunch looks like it did originally. Truss ends of bunch firmly
with several strands of twine or rawhide; tie tightly. Chill till firm (2-3
hours). Remove bound celery and place on cutting board and present to guests
intact. Cut into 1/2 inch slices, emoving twine as you go and serve slices on
buttered toast or on rough rye cracker.
DEVILISH WHORES D'OEUVRES
6 hard-cooked eggs
4 tablespoons mayonnaise
1 T mustard
Dash onion salt
1 small can mushroom pieces, drained
Paprika
Capers
Split eggs lengthwise, Remove yolks and mash to paste with mayonnaise,
mustart and onion salt. Fill egg whites with mushroom pieces. Fill pastry bag
with youlk mixture. Using a #104 tube, wide end pointed down, start at wide
end of egg and make two wavy ribbons, following shape of egg, around the
mushroom filling. Sprinkle the yolk with paprika, and put caper at wide end of
egg.
TEENY WEENIES
Cocktail franks
Pitted olives
Mayonnaise
Mustard
Toothpicks
Steam franks. Put toothpick through one olive, then through a frank partway
down, then through the second olive. Mix mayonnaise and mustard in proportion
of 2 parts mayonnaise to 1 part mustard. Tope each frank with little of this
mixture or use as a dip, if preferred.
--THE MAIN AFFAIR
BROKEN HEART
2 veal hearts (about 1 1/2 lbs each)
1 1/2 cups stuffing (recipe below) Stuffing
Flour 1/4 cup butter
Salt and pepper 3 T chopped onion
2 T shortening 3 T chopped celery
1 carrot diced 2 cups bread crumbs
1 small onion, chopped salt and pepper to taste
2 T chopped parsley 1/2 t thyme
3 or 4 cloves
1 bay leaf, crumbled
1 small tomato, chopped
1/2 cup re wine
1/2 cup water
Cut hearts in half in zigzag fashion but do not cut all the way through.
Clean heart by cutting away the fat, arteries, and connective tissue. To make
suffing, melt butter; add onion and elery and cook till soft. Add bread crumbs
and seasonings and mix well. Put half of stuffing into each heart and sew
shut. Dust hearts with flour, sprinkle with salt and pepper. Melt shortening
in heavy saucepan; add hearts and brown slightly, turning once or twice. Add
remaining ingredients, Cook, covered, very slowly for about 1 1/2 hours. When
done, put hearts on heated platter. To serve, cut through the stiches so that
heart falls open in zigzag shape. Serve with pan juices.
COCK-Y CROQUETTES
1 lb canned ham or lefover cooked ham
5 small potatoes, unpeeled
1 raw egg, lightly beaten
1 medium onion, shopped fine
bread crumbs
2 T butter
Put ham through meat grinder, or chop coarsely in food processor. Boil
potatoes in their skins. When potatoes are done, mash them (leaving skins on)
and add egg, mixing thoroughly. Add chopped ham and onion and mix well. Shape
croquettes in either male or female parts, or both. Carefully roll each "part"
in bread crumbs; it may be necessary to pat them back into shape afterward.
Melt the butter in frying pan till hot. Carefully put croquettes in hot butter
in separate pieces..... fry each separately. Turn once or twice carefully and
cook till brown. When done, put them on heated platter, putting proper or
improper parts together. In fact, you can put them so much together that your
guest will hate to take them apart. And that's VERY Cock-y Croquettes!
--LASCIVIOUS LEGUMES (to be added)
--SALACIOUS SALADS (later...)
--HIS AND HER BREADS (soon...)
--THE CLIMAX:ASSORTED BALLS AND NUTS
RUDOLPH'S BALLS
2 lb fruitcake
1/3 cup corn syrup
2 T rum
2 cups flaked coconut
red food coloring
Crmble cake and mix with corn syrup and rum. Form balls 1 1/2 inch in
diameter. Put coconut into plastic bag with gew drops of red coloring. Roll
each ball in coconut until completely covered.
RUM BALLS
1/2 to 3/4 cup rum
1 t rum flavoring
1/2 cup raisins (approx)
9 1/2 inch baked chocolate layer cake
1/4 cup chocolate frosting or corn syrup
2 cups chocolate jimmies
Mix rum and rum flavoring in measuring cup. Put raisins into bowl and pour
rum over, covering raisins completely. Let soak for 1 week until raisins plup
up with rum (at least 2 days!) Crumble cake and add raisins and 1/4 cup of rum
mixture. Mix with frosting or corn syrup. Be careful mixture does not become
too sticky; it should form easily into 1 1/2 inch roun balls. Roll in jimmies
to cover.
--LOVE ELIXIRS (later...)
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