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The Huston Binkly Letter
Houston Blinkie Letter
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------dctober 7 merican Nihilist
Welcome
-------
Welcome to all readers of HBL! This is a magazine dedicated to the study and
pilfering of the common species of night-time safety flasher, otherwise known as
a "blinkie." These ingenious devices have been found all over most American
cities and towns, usually near construction. Since they're easy and fun to
steal, most ANUS members posess at least one.
This magazine supports the theft of and distribution of information about
blinkies, and we encourage those of you interested in late-night adventure to
read on.
Common Theft/by CC
------------------
The easiest way to get a blinkie is to steal it. In Houston, this is most fun,
because (a) Houston cops love beating on kids, and (b) what the hell else can
you do in Houston?
There are basically three steps to pilfering blinkies: scouting, preparation
and theft. The execution of each with attention to detail is necessary,
since one slip-up can mean a police shoe in the balls or face.
I'll summarize in the following paragraph.
scouting- Take a drive, and look for blinkies in secluded areas with
basically a good escape route. Avoid major streets with lots of cars with
light bars. Check out the blinkies, too, and make sure they're in fairly good
condition. No one wants a looser blinkie. Best places to look are around
construction sites or pothole-infested streets. There'll be at least one cache
in your area.
preparation- Get together an alibi for your parents, your tools, clothes, means
of transport and blinkie bag. The easiest way is to stay at a friend's house,
or to work on a SafeRides project or similar late-night endeavor. Your
parents will either trust you, or check up on you and want a phone number.
In Houston, finding one is easy, since any number in
the 234 exchange is always busy. Your parents will never figure
it out. Your tools may vary, depending on the blinkie
type(s) and area. Clothes are easy: shorts/jeans depending on weather,
a dark polo or concert shirt and good shoes, such as battered sneakers but not
something obvious like combat boots. No camo. Find yourself
some means of transportation, like your own car (easy) or a friend who also
suffers (?) from kleptomania. Also, pickup a blinkie bag, such as a
canvas sack or thick backpack on your way out.
theft- Go late at night, and park your car nearby. Jump out, turn off and
unscrew the blinkies, and lay them in a safe spot. Collect them in your
blinkie bag, and sprint back to your car. The whole thing should take less
than fifteen minutes. Move on to next site.
As you can see, the process is not that hard. Go for it. It's not that
dangerous, except that sometimes Houston cops will try to seriously dick you
around, rape you if you're drunk, or just kickbox your testicles. The answer
is not to go in your car. If they accost you, run. Remember the song: "Over
the fence and through the woods to Grandmother's house we go..." Easy.
Common Tools
------------
There are several types of bolts you must be prepared to deal with.
Joke Bolt
This is your common octagonal bolt. A generic socket wrench with a 19 mm / .75
inch cup will easily take off this puppy. Since these bolts are so incredibly
lame, the Creators of Blinkies have put little "safe sex" cups around them.
Who cares? Your socket wrench should easily fit inside it.
Figure Eight Bolt
As the name implies, this bolt looks like a figure eight. It appears that a
specialized tool is needed for this one, but figure on needle-nose pliers
working just as well.
Penis Bolt
This bolt has a round, circumcised head with a pentagon cut in the tip.
In the middle of this pentagon is a circular protrusion. Beats me what kind
of tool get this one, but the bolts suck, these blinkies can usually be
wrestled off in less than two minutes.
Incredibly Easy Bolt
This is an octagonal bolt with sheath, usually sticking straight out of the
sawhorse the blinkie is on. Give it a good jerk, or just crank it with your
hands.
These bolts are used to secure blinkies to wood or plastic sawhorses, barrels,
signs or barricades. Since construction workers have to move them, too, the
bolts are usually accessed with a easily-avrkers).
This fact works for you, since whatever they can get we can make.
Definitions
-----------
Over the years, a definite vocabulary has evolved. Here are a few definitions:
blinkie- small, blinking object found at construction site.
Also: Hamster in microwave.
pig- police officer, peace officer, officer, motherfucker, dickweed, protector,
jackoff...whatever you want to call them, this is simply a euphemism for
"asshole with a gun and a badge."
pigmo- police car.
bingos- lights on top of said car.
bacon rinds- off-duty "pigs." (see above)
baco-bits- security guards pretending they're cops.
dink- citizen who screams at you for stealing blinkies from his yard.
rent- an older relative who asks you where you're going.
flick- common hand signal for communicating with "pigs."
sweetness- an area populated with blinkies or pussy you happen to pick up on
the way.
brew- post-run celebration (libations?).
blinkie run- the act of stealing one or more blinkies.
blinkie fuck- getting caught in the act. Bad for college transcripts.
blinkie bust- getting rained out or caught by parents.
penis- pre-run pacifer. Insert in mouth if nervous.
dickweed- person who posts a message following this text file saying, "Oh my
god!!!!!!!!! Thats stealing!!!!!!"
"If it's not nailed down, it's free."
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