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Pen Cap Chew Issue #10
??- x@ - ? 8 B ?6 @ $ @ $ $@ $@ $@ $@ 2@ ? ?@ ?@ ?@ ?@ ?@
?@ ?@ ?@ ? qA qA qA qA qA qA qA qA qA sA sA sA sA sA sA ?A 4 ?A A ?A $@ ?A ?A Pen Cap Chew
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Man, oh, man, do I love fudge!
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If I had my own talk show
Plus the Punk SAT anwsers and Micheal Jackson
Inside:
2: My talk show
3: MJ, media jackass
4: thanks list
Teeth stains
the section of Pen Cap Chew devoted to little factiods
I found out something neat about Ted Field ( co owner/ top exec at interscope). He's contributed tony Democratic and leftwing causes. Bob Dole slams interscope. Dole slams Ted because, well, he's albral/Democrat and the whole Republican party knows it. But the other side is that it's a hell of lt orse to want to have assult weapons legal than it is to own a record label. Let's all hope andpra tht Bob Dole never hears "Nazi Punks Fuck off" He might take it a little too seriously. Then aain / a ame like the Dead Kennedys'...
This one goes out to the sexist asshole who actually got his letter published in Guitar world. he s that women aren't strong enough or talented enough to play in a band.
I suggest
Hole- Live through this
The raincoats- S/T
Babes in toyland- anything will do
the Slits- Cut
Free Kitten- Nice Ass
Lucky Sperms- whatever
Then, facist, sexist asshole, if you still find women untalented, skrew you. What has the world como? I have a talk show!
Steve: Hello Hello! Wuzzup everyone. Toady's topic on the Steve Johnosn show is 'people who are nor, work for a living, and don't live with their parents'. Out first guests is Kim and Andy. Let's en 'em out.
Audience: (lots of stupid ass macho hooting and clapping)
Me: So, Andy what do you do for a living.
Andy: I'm a lawyer. No 'I'm not hugh's or Divine's.
Me: I see. Kim, How about you?
Kim: I'm a registred nurse. Been one for thirteen years.
Me: So you're toatlly indepenant, you're not on welfare or borrowing money from anyone?
Kim+Andy: Nope
Me: Let's take a question from the audience. How about you sir, in the adidas, with the pants arounour knees.
Stupid ass Jock: Why do you want to go to work in the morning. I've got it made, I ddon't have to w, I don't have to do anything, cause the government got me covered.
Audience: OOOOHHHHHH!!!!!!
Andy: It'sd people like me who are paying your rent. By the way why is there an Anarchy sign on yoshirt, but you're on welfare.
Kim: I don't get you people. Why do you hate the government so much?
Me let's have another qwestion. You, in the black leather.
White Nerdy Guy: What kind of car do yo drive, I mean you must drive a lexus, since you make over 1 000 a year.
Andy" I drive a Ford Tarus ( drug dealers start laughing)
Kim: Shut up. All of you.
ME: How many kids do you guys have?
Kim: We only have one. His name is Eric.
Me : you, in the I'm on welfare shirt.
] Welfare Mother: Why don;t you have five or six kids. SO when you do have to go on welfare, you ge bigger check.
Me: our next guests are Thurston and Courtney(no connection to Moore and Love). Let's bring em out
(Macho Jocks hoot and holler)
ME: So what do you do for a living?
Thurston: I'm a computer specialist. I design the security sysetems for houses, but usually fgor biorporations..
Me: another question, you there.
Strange guy: ADT is it really home when you're not?
Thurston: Yes it is
Courtney: I'm a nurse too.
Kim: which hospital?
Courtney: Chichago Hope
Me: let's take some questions. How about you.
Toatlly sexist asshole: All you women should quit your jobs. women's place is in the home. Take carf your kids.
Kim: Me and Andy only have one child.
Thurston: Courtney and I don't have any children at all.
Me: Another question.
Pervert: thurston, how does it feel not being able to share intimacy with a woman?
Thurston: I'm perfectly capable. My wife and I are perfectly normal. I'm not impotent, we just nevead any children.
Pervert: Don't you worry about HIV and AIDS?
Audience: (much hooting and holllering)
(andy gets up and puishes me down and grabs the mike.)
andy: I"m sick of you people. You all are bunch of bukms who don't ever do anythign but pollute ouociety with perverts, kids who won't become anyhting, and drugs.( At that instant Drug dealers pul u ther nines and open fire. Andy dives between the chairs.)
Thurston :Forget this, all of you go outr and get a job and do something with your life. I'm leavin(Kim spits in the audience and follows)
Me:Well I guess that's it for today's show, see you tommorw, where our guests will be teenagers whove never used any illegial drugs. Until then, keep that screen kleen. Peace.
He's Bad, Bad Really really Bad
So, is anyone sick of Micheal Jackson. Personally, I think he sucks. He is teh symbol of the spoileock star boy. He can't write a good song, molests kids and he'e insecure as hell. But his records las get good reviews and always sell. He's an idol to millions of kids.Why?
Micheal Jackson is a total loser. I said he was insecure, so why, well, when he knew that the publipinon of him was that he and Lisa Marie were, well, celebrant, he figured that he should show themhvng sex in a video. What the hell is his problem. Is," we have sex, we are imtimate" not enough? e s o hung up on other's opinons of himself that he doesn't live his own life. Mike says that he i sae, ut can we listen He wants to be God and that's not going to happen. Not with people like me nd backppe7 and Maximum Rocknroll. But in his own way he rules the world by creating his own.
Jackson seems harmless often. He's simply a media hound. By having himself grab his balls for five utes and smash cars, he gets negative press and tabloid atytention. By changing it, he is looked uo n a positive manner, which makes him seem safe and sound. But why are we falling for it so many ims.He just did that with the "They don't care about us" song, and now he's up to his dirty trickswit th "You are not alone" video. Soon, he'll get press, and promotion with the tabloid articles ad Enertanment tonight stories.
He's done a lot for cancer research, for little kids with crippling diseases, which get's on the siof good when it comes to the press. But, it's a really nasty thing to say that he helps people onl o the press. But, it's a good theory.
Micheal acts like a big kid. There's nothing we can do about that. But he's well off, and if we allme to our senses and let him be crazy and be a media mongrel, and not buy his records, he wouldn'tsave. He'd be well off on his twenty seventhousand acre ranch of his. He can retire and that will e ha. But in the end, I really don't care. As long as his clicking drum machines and"hee-hee-hee"she all music stop. I'll be a little happier and sleep a little easier and be a lot less ediger
And then we can all bash Vanessa Williams.
Sonic Youth
Kill Your Idols
Ok, I have a small confession. My Kill Yr. Idols Cd came with confusion is sex and I forgot to reviit. To be even more honest, I didn't forget to, I just didn't at all cause I was just to damn laz oreview it.
First off, Kill Yr Idols is a live EP done for the Gernman label Zensor. I thin it was done on onlyo tracks, and all at some small clubs in New York. The opening song is "Kill yr idols" a true yout lssic. It has that "Disco Sucks" thing in it. I swear the first line is" I don't know why/ you wanaply disco/let that shit die/ find out the new..." Yes this is the true beggining of things, the nd f pnk as a musical style of it's own and the attuide being incorporated into other forms of musc. Gt al that?
" Brother James" is another youth classic. Kim really yowls in this one . She screams out the line ke my hand, you might as well/ we're going straight to hell" as if she had sold her voice to the dvland this was the last time she would scream at all. Interesting.
Now we come to "Early American" Two minutes of classical guitar, Sonic Youth style. Strange and shing because the volume would swell and get real loud every once in a while. Then you hear a faint utr line the kim singing in a voice that sounds like running your finger around a crystal glass. O tisinsturment that Ben Franklin invented called the crystal harp, like chimes, only made of crystl. e payed it as his wife woke up one morning and she tthought it was a mean trick becase it made uch chiling sound, she thought she had died in her sleep. That's what Kim sounds like.
Then comes a really striking version of "Shaking Hell" Thirty times as noisy as the ablum version, scary almost. It has this droning noise and the orginal liine played underneath it and Kim reallywis on this one. She does indeed shake hell here. When the ourto of "Shake" somes she sounds like hedeil. I'm not even sure that's a human being rasping that at all. Then, total silence.
Define positive.
I had to go to my skool orientation, which lasted close to ten hours. First they read us rules, thehey set us all off in the gym. What's worse, there was this DJ form NoCali4na. She said she had cnoship thing and she made lists of the positive and negative songs. Well, it wasn't censorship, sh hd ade a couple lists. She wasn't trying to ban the songs or records. But she read us a list and n i wa the Offspring, w/all the songs that were negative. I'm not a big fan of the 'spring, but I hinkthatit sucks more to have things misenterpreted. She really didn't mean what" keep 'em seperatd meat" Sh figured that is had something to do w/ gangs and the like, but it really means, seperat kids nd gun. Which I don't find negative. I xplained it and she said,"well maybe not everyone woud get i like yu do." If I were her, I would have shut up and went down the hall and take a poetry lass. Thn she bahed "Teen Spirit." She din't evern know what Kurdt was saying. She things it's abot gang wafare, "Lod up on guns and bring yr. friends." Anyone who listens to Nirvana knows what's t's about nd knows tat Kurdt always says things like that. For a while I thought he was kidding. he had not eard a Nirvna CD in her life. Nor has she read any lyric sheets, clearly. Me and a coupe kewl kids met startedto chant "Sonik Tooth" in the middle. She wouldn't have gotten "100%"or anthing like tht. I really wnted to those ten seconds of noise that introsuce the song. She would hae put "Expressay to yr. Skul" on the negative list.
I have a bit of advice for her though, read the lyrics to "Nirto(youth enegery)" and then you can clain.
Letter from the editor/head writer/whatever
Hello all you little punx, indies, and peopole who don't like MTV or Green Day.. I was coming home m Florida the other day and you can tell it's DC when Minor Threat and Fugazi adorn every wall. Soen spraypainted "Pen Kap Chew" on a noise wall... I wish
This is the little rant and rave section. Like the whole zine isn't one. But anyway, I declare a nan wide boycott of MTV. (xcept 4 120 minutes, Lou Barlow is all over it, the bob mould of the ninte) hy I have one word. Silverchair. Fifteen year olds whose dad's threatened to make trouble if ther ecrd wasn't relased. If your're 15, start a noise band. Send me a tape.
I feel like thanking people so here's a list...(not in order of priority, in fact its not in order all) (It might be backwards, becase w/out all the people i don't want to thank give me substance fraticles. you decide)
Thurston Moore, Low barlow, Big John, KDC, Koree Eck/ manson 1009 (who was raised on an island of cabals and they took one bite of him spat it out and went Eck, that's where his name cums from), Maxmmrock'nroll, those wonderful folks at spin who don't email me back my zines and say this is totalcrp,get a job(am I a suck up or what), Brett wolfsheimer (for the Discharge and TM articles), HR, ob arly, Jello Biafara, East Bay Ray, Ted and whoever the hell plays drums for the Dead Kennedys,Genn ranc, Archers of Loaf, Dave Letterman, the cast and perducers of Cheers, Johnny Riggs, Bob Wagh, Dve Mash, Pool, Dave Ghrol, Krist Novoselic, Dave Groseclose, blackpope7, Tom Violence, Maraln Moor, Jol, Helium, Francium( not a band but a cemical that can cause a really bitchin' explosin), Mar Hoyt, ark Doll, Chim Chim, that kid that wanted mike Jackson to be locked up, Leeza,
xtra special thanks to Mr. rollins for letting me use all the old lumber behind his garage
No thanks: Jerry Garcia, Bush, whoever designs the cupholders in cars beause how the hell am I suppo to fit one of those ten inch wide cups you get at sonic into half inch space, Phish, Billy Joe Amtong Mike Dirnt, Deadheads, these dumbasses who work at camelot, did I say Bush yet?, Alanis "fainitall "Morrisette, pousers, Airwalk, Etnies, Andy Rooney, Rush Limbaugh, every consevrvetive eve towal the earth, those people at Ibanez that make these cheep guitars that break the second you trow t onthe ground, Mr. Greg Stump ( "you guys play green day or not play at all"), MTV, Phil Collns, MchealBolton, Dumbasses who put nevermind lyrics in their zines. That's all I can metnion offthe ti of myskull.
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxodoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox
Punk Sat anwsers.
I bet you thought I would forget
1.d.2.a. 3.b. 4. misfits, samhain, danzig.5.e. 6.c 7.e 8.c 9.c
esay. 1. teach yourself to play, make your own records, jsut do it yourself.
2.Exploit and try to change music. If you stand up to a major, they sue.
3. Green Day is corporate and always on MTV. Sick of it all don't sound like pansies.
1. all2. all 3. if you chose, b, you fail.
Score: a90-100%. come write for me
60-90lamer
0-60 you love green day. yousuk
OXOXOXOXOX
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