The Moon is a Communist Conspiracy

by No More Moons

ATTENTION FREE HUMANS:

THE MOON IS A CONSPIRACY!!! IT MUST BE DESTROYED!!!

The moon has plagued our planet for centuries by distracting us from the Commies. They work under a cover of darkness- they steal day-old doughnuts when the moon shines in the sky. We watch the moon when we should be watching the rat-like Communist heathens.

That's why I've started a petition... TO BLOW UP THE MOON!!!

We need as many signatures as we can get before we submit our proposal to the United States government. The Joint Chiefs of Staff, upon seeing it, would indubitably approve it immediately, because it's such an awesome idea. America has enough nuclear weapons to destroy the whole thing. It would be surprisingly easy. We just load the space shuttles up with as much uranium as possible, and fly them straight into the moon.

Watch your back- those Commies always work under the moonlight. If it's a cloudy night then we can't be distracted by the moon. That's why I propose we get all the oil and coal in the world and burn it without generating energy.

Communists think they're so cool.

BUY ONLY FROM NON-COMMUNIST SHOPS!!!

Here are some things that you should know about the moon:

1. It was launched by the Communists in 1957

2. It's completely hollow and filled with Soviet surplus aerosol cheese

3. It must be neutralised at all costs

4. We have enough nuclear weapons for a clean destruction (no Americans would be harmed- I can't say the same for those starving loser countries)

5. All Russians have spent at least two months living under the surface

6. That's where they get all their potatoes

7. They WILL use it to take over the world (only if we aren't careful)

8. And most terrifying of all, et cetera!

So watch your back! Those Commies are tricky bastards; and most importantly-

ALWAYS THROW ALL YOUR BREAD PRODUCTS OUT EVERY DAY TO MAKE YOUR FAMILY LESS OF A TARGET.