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Medieval funny stories
From Wardroper, John; _Jest Upon Jest_, A Selection from the Jestbooks and
Collections of Merry Tales published from the Reign of Richard III to George
III; London: Routledge & Kegan Paul, 1970. ISBN 07100 6754 2
A man asked his neighbour, which was but late married to a widow,
how he agreed with his wife, for he said that her first husband and
she could never agree.
"By God," quod the other, "we agree marvelous well."
"I pray ye, how so?"
"marry," quod the other, "I shall tell ye. When I am merry, she
is merry, and when I am sad, she is sad. For when I go out of my
doors I am merry to go from her, and so is she. And when I come
in again I am sad, and so is she."
[pub. 1526]
A kind wife followed her husband to the gallows; and he requesting
her not to trouble herself any further, she answered, "Ah, yes,
dear husband, now that I am come thus far, faith, I'll see you
hanged too, God willing, before I go."
[pub. 1595]
A certain jealous husband followed his wife to confession; whom
when the priest should lead behind the alter to be displied [disciplined
by beating], the husband, perceiving it, and doubting the worst,
cried unto him, saying, "hear ye, master parson, I pray you let
me be displied for her."
And kneeling down before the priest, "I pray you," quod the wife
to the priest, "strike him hard, for I am a great sinner."
[pub. 1583]
How many calves' tails behoveth to reach from the earth to the sky?
No more but one, an it be long enough.
What beast is it that hath her tail between her eyes?
It is a cat when she licketh her arse.
How may a man know or perceive a cow in a flock of sheep?
By sight.
What is it that freezeth never?
That is hot water.
What thing is it, the less it is, the more it is dread?
A bridge.
Which was first, the hen or the egg?
The hen, when God made her.
What time in the year beareth a goose most feathers?
When the gander is upon her back.
[English, ca. 1550, tr. from French, ca. 1500, some from Italian, possibly
as early as ca.1420]
A Spaniard travelling on the way alighted at a poor in, and they
asked him his name. He answered, "Don pedro Gonzales Gayetan de
Guevara." Whereunto they replied, "Sir, we ahve not meat enough
for so many."
[pub. 1595 in English, before 1500 in Italian]
A felon at the gallows said unto the hangman, "Villain, better
yet be hanged than be a hangman, like thee."
"True," answered the hangman, "were it not for hanging."
[pub. 1595]
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