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Man wants to model condoms
R
Msg. Number: 23
Msg. title: Well...
Msg. left by: WHEELMAN
Date posted: Mon Oct 22 11:34:52 p.m.
Title & Rank: Twenty is really plenty... (20)
Lines in Msg: 59
142
Dear Mr. Fernandez,
We regret to inform you that we have rejected your application to
model and represent our product - TROJAN CONDOMS. Although your general
appearance is not displeasing, our Board of Directors feel that your
wearing our product does not portray a positive, romantic image of our
product. A loose, baggy and wrinkled condom is NOT considered romantic. We
did admire your efforts to firm it up by using POLY-GRIP, but even then it
slipped off before we could get a photograph taken. We would like to
note, however, that we have never seen a penis that looked like a bicycle
grip until now. We appreciate your interest and thank you for your time.
We will retain your application for future consideration, if by some
chance we decide there is a market for MICRO-MINI Condoms. We send
greetings and our deepest sympathy to your wife and/or girlfriend.
Very truly yours,
Jack Meoff, President
-It's nice to know that the airlines are doing something about finding
lost luggage. This morning I saw a picture of one of my suitcases on a
milk carton.
-Hear about the guy who was SOOO stupid, he thought Grape Nuts was a
venereal disease?
-After months of scrimping and bargain-hunting to make ends meet, a women
begged her tight-fisted husband to give her money. "Can't you just give me
an extra ten dollars so I can buy a roast?" she asked.
Her husband pulled a ten-dollar bill from his pocket and held it up to the
mirror. "See the money in the mirror? That's yours. And this," he said,
putting the ten-spot back in his pocket, "is mine." The next evening, he
went home to find the table filled with steak, ham and cornish hens.
"Where did you get the money for all of this?" he barked. His wife took
him to the mirror. "See this body in the mirror? That's yours. And this
one," she said, pulling off her dress, "is the butcher's."
-On the subject of wishes.....a man found a magic lamp. He rubbed it and a
genie appeared. The genie offered him one wish. "I want to be rock hard
and get plenty of ass for the rest of my life," said the man. So the genie
turned him into a commode.
-I was thinking how much more dangerous it is for women to go out alone at
night than men. Here we are walking around with money, diamonds, and a
vagina!
-I have got to cut down on my drinking. Last night I was pulled over for
driving without a car.
-Top 10 off-season sports on ESPN:
10. Uninflated basketball.
9. Fat guy hackysack.
8. No-hands auto racing.
7. Shirts-and-skins speed typing.
6. Amish rake fights.
5. Minature horseshoes.
4. Dropping cows from airplanes.
3. Padded suit lumber swat.
2. Oprah tipping.
1. Dog hockey.
...So this guy walks into a bar, sits down, and tells the bartender he wants 10
shots of whiskey. So the bartender lines up the glasses and fills them. The guy
proceeds to down all 10 in quick order.
"Tell me," says the bartender, "why 10 shots of whiskey?"
"I experienced my first blow job today" said the man.
"Congratulations," replied the Bartender. "Next time, come in and I'll give you
a shot on the house."
"No thanks," said the man, "It'd take another nine to get the rest of the taste
out of my mouth."
-What do you get when you cross a Jew and Arnold Schwarzenegger?
Conan the Wholesaler!
-What do you call 5,000 JAPs in Bloomingdales during a sale?
Yiddlock!
-My Japanese girlfriend used to be a streetwalker, but gave it up; no
one had a Yen for her.
-One frog said to the other, "Gee, time is fun, when you're having flies."
- NEW PRODUCT: Soundproof shorts, you will never hear farts, and no one
will know where they are coming from.....
- "The Italian Who Went to Detroit"
One day ima go to Detroit to a bigga hotel. I go down to eat breakfast. I
tella the waitress I wanna two piss's toast. She bring only one piss. I
tella her I wanna two piss. She say go to the toilet. I say no you no
understand. I wanna two piss in my plate. She say, you better no piss on
the plate, you sonnamabitch. I don't even know the lady and she call me a
sonnamabitch. Later, I go to eat lunch at the Drake restaurant. The
waitress bringa me a spoon, ana knife but no fock. I tella her I wanna
fock. She tellsa me everybody wanna fock. I tella her you no understand.
I wanna fock on the table. She say you
better not fock on the table, sonnamabitch. So I go backa to my room in
the hotel, and there's no sheet on my bed. I calla the manager and tella
him I wanna sheet. He tells me to go to the toilet, so I say you no
understand, I wanna sheet on the bed, he say you better not sheet on the
bed, you sonnamabitch. I go to checka out and the man at the desk he say,
"Peace to you", I say piss onna you too, you sonnamabitch. I go back to
Italy.
-Why do bald guys cut a hole in their trouser pockets?
So they can run their fingers through their hair!
-Two big old fat broads were working in a cotton field. One bent over
and the wind blew her dress up. The other broad says, "Hey girlie, you
don't have no panties on!" She says, "yeah, I know, it helps to keep me
cooler out here in the sun. You oughta try it." Sure enough, the next day,
the other broad bends over and the woman says, "Well, I see you tried my
idea of not wearing panties. Doesn't it keep you cooler?"
The other broad says, "not only that, but is sure helps to keep the flies
out of my face!"
-A couple had been married 70 years, and shocked everyone by announcing
they were getting divorced. "Why are you getting divorced?" asked their
friends. "We've hated each other for 60 years", was the reply. "Then why
didn't you get divorced before?" "Well, we thought we'd wait until the
kids were dead."
-I read in a medical transcript the other day of a baby boy who was born
without any eyelids. The doctors circumcised the child and used the
excised foreskin to create new eye lids for the little guy....there was
only one problem...(what was that you ask? ... Well I'll tell you)...He
was a little cockeyed.
-Two women were sitting next to each other under the hair dryers in a
beauty shop. One turns to the other and says, "Tell me, do you and your
husband have mutual orgasm?" The other woman says, "Oh, no, we have State
Farm."
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