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Fun
The Ideal Fun Law
The Ideal Fun Law states that there are only three things in life which
compromise the concept of FUN.
FUN is proportional to their product:
F = SDR^2
Where F is FUN, S is Sex, D is Drugs, and R^2 is Rock & Roll.
Occasionally this law is stated as (DR^2) = P (where P is PARTY) such that
F = PS
For a detailed proof, refer to Concepts of FUN, by Dr. Theodore Gasm,
Wiley, New York, 1985 (5th ed.) or visit your local liquor store.
A more comprehensive theory is called the Kinetic Theory of Hedonism.
It takes into account other effects, such as money, work, and unwanted
pregnancies, which are assumed to be negligible in the Ideal Party Law.
The equation resulting from the Kinetic Theory of Hedonism is called the
Van der Baals equation:
Z(4s-p^3)(d(c-m))(r^2)v
F = -----------------------
h
Where s = sex (measured in orgasms, O)
p = number of pregnancies
d = quality of drug (measured in braincells, B)
c = cost of drug ($)
m = money on hand ($)
r^2=Rock and Roll (measured in Thrashes, T)
v = volume of rock and roll (dB)
h = work factor (not Plank's constant), measured in hours
The constant Z is called Schmuck's Constant and has the value of
Z = 3.1222 x 10^-3 Smile-hours per orgasm-pregnancy-braincell-dollar-thrash
-decibel.
The SI unit of FUN is the Smile, denoted with a capital S.
In the United States, a more archaic unit is still used, which is the
Rad. (Not to be confused with radians).
Conversion factor:
1 Rad = 2.56 S.
For more information on these theories, take a graduate level course in
Liquor Sciences or Engineering Hedonism.
DISCLAIMER:
This posting, should you find it offensive or overly strange,
was not written by the author :-). It was written by a little mauve Martian
who slithered into the terminal room last week, mumbling something about
homemade cookies on chocolate aircraft carriers (or something like that, I'm
not very proficient at Martian, y'know, having only been there twice) and
threatened to disintegrate me with his nuclear banana if I didn't allow him
(it?) to type this amazingly strange article on the notesfile.
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