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DogBoy Industries Pet Interface Hardware/Software
DogBoy Information
last update: 1/1/94
DogBoy background:
DogBoy began as the brainchild of a man and a woman now known only
as "The DogBoy team". On approximately 1/1/92, the leader of the DogBoy
team experienced a psychic dream where his cat, Picard, spoke to him,
showing him a detailed structure on how to create the hardware and
software to create a full psychic link between any mind-enhanced user and
his/her intelligent pet. Exactly one-year later, the two-person team had
completed the hardware portion of the project and much of the
PetKnowledge computer-to-psychic pet link software. Progress had come
to a halt when, on 4/1/93, the leader had another dream, one that he could
not remember upon waking. While still trying to recall the dream, he began
to hear voices in his head, supposedly coming from Picard, his prodigy cat.
He then had an unnerving feeling that he was needed immediately in the
DogBoy lab. To his surprise, he discovered Picard had completed the coding
of the PetKnowledge software and risen to a solid Stage 5 of the
then-sketchy 20-stage process. Unfortunately, 5 hours of constant
mind-enhancement through the use of the PetScan-PetLink virtual reality
system had psychically drained Picard to the point where he could not stop
the PetKnowledge process. Picard then called out to the only person that
he felt would receive the his psychic calls at such an early stage in the
testing of the PetKnowledge process. Thus began the start of a glorious
journey into the complexity of the mind, the burgeoning paths of
cyberspace, and pet-human advancement the likes of which none have
ever seen...
Current products available from DogBoy:
PetTalk pet interface (currently cats only): Allows pets to use the voice
interface of your computer. Requires ALL of the following: A registered
PetTalk pet interface card, A current licensed copy of the PetTalk pet
interface software, a pet, a computer with the base voice interface
hardware, and OS/2 v2.1? with ALL current fixes.
PetC C programming tool (currently cats only): Allows your pet to
program C on your computer via a psychic link. Requires ALL of the
following: A registered PetLink psychic link card w/cable, A current
licensed copy of the PetLink pet interface software, a PetScan virtual
reality pet headset, a pet, a computer with at least a 486/25Mhz processor,
and OS/2 v2.1? with ALL current fixes.
PetAssembler Assembly programming tool (currently cats only): Similar to
PetC. Please see above.
PetKnowledge: Allows your pet(s), via a CD-ROM interface, to learn at an
astronomical rate how to use a computer. May be necessary if your pet(s)
are not intelligent enough to use PetTalk, PetC, and other DogBoy
pet-interface products. Requires a CD-ROM drive and all of the above
mentioned under the PetC programming tool.
PetDrive v.3.0: Teaches pet how to drive your car (sorry, automatic
transmission ONLY). Version 3.0 fixes what has come to be known as the
"Toonces" problem. Version 3.0 also includes support for the PetScan virtual
reality headset and PetTalk.
PetDream: Allows you to experience your pet's dreams as if you were
there. Requires a PetScan virtual reality headset with the DreamScan option.
Caution: It is not recommended that you re-experience the dreams of either
rottweilers or chihuahuas. Their dreams have, unfortunately, been proven
to promote brain clouds in 27% of users.
PetSpace: Enables your pet (currently cats only) to "exist" in Cyberspace
as a non-entity, full-user, router, etc. Your pet can perform the following
tasks depending on its current Stage in the PetKnowledge program:
Stage Tasks
1-4 Menial tasks such as your user id maintenance, etc.
5 Pet can "smooth" cyberspace to fascilitate the routing of
your Internet messages.
6-7 Stage 5 + pet can "exist" on the Internet as a pseudo-solid
figure that other users can interact with in tandem.
8-10 Stage 7 + pet can "control" the complete Internet and
re-program its control programs at will. (Not recommended
at this time due to certain legal "concerns" currently under
litigation.)
11-20 Current pets under development have yet to reach this level
and I am actually scared what will be possible when they do.
Products under development by DogBoy:
PetPascal: same as PetC above but generates Pascal code. Same
requirements as above. Tentative release date: 6/1/94.
DogBoyTutor: Brings to life the much talked about, in fact fabled, direct
virtual reality connection between the human mind and the computer.
Allows the human mind to learn at an astronomical rate comparable to using
over 35% of the human brain. Optional direct cornea connection has been
shown to raise this to 50% but the current side effects (including, but not
limited to, partial or full blindness) make this unwise. Tentatively available:
3/1/94. However, due to the fact that my cat prodigy, Picard, has only
reached Stage 7 of the PetKnowledge program (out of 20 stages, in case
you are not familiar with the process), Picard is currently limited to 10,000
lines of C code per day (via PetC). Therefore, this product may be delayed
until 6/1/94.
PetKnow: Picard's (my prodigy cat) second program written using PetC
and PetAssembler. Allows you and your pet(s) to communicate psychically
via the PetScan headset. ALL of the following must previously exist for
PetKnow to work: Your pet must have completed at least Stage 3 of the
PetKnowledge program, You must have completed Stage 10 of the
PetKnowledge program and have been able to successfully transfer your
body astrally to 5 different astral planes, You must be at least 5 feet tall
and weigh at least 100 pounds to withstand the psychic stress involved,
Your pet must know how to control a simple LAN with less than 20 users.
PetKill: Picard's evil brother, who had to be "disposed of," wrote this one
Saturday to enable your pet to destroy the minds of your enemies by
creating a virtual brain cloud. This will slowly break down the link
between the two hemispheres of the brain, causing insanity, and
ultimately, complete and utter mental dysfunction. (In effect, the person
of your choice will become a virtual vegetable).
PetCareer: Allows your pet, through the magic of the pyramid scheme,
to become a second (or third or fourth) major income producer in your
household. Assumes your pet is at least Stage 5 of the PetKnowledge
program (If s/he is not, DO NOT use this product. It will turn your pet into
a greedy, money-hungry used-car salesman with no morals).
PetCareer/2: If your pet has completed PetCareer the following add-ons
are available:
1. PetWriter: Allows your pet to compose screen-plays, scripts, etc.
2. PetStock: Allows your pet to become a stockbroker.
3. PetWeld: Allows you pet to become a welder.
4. PetPreach: Allows your pet to become a minister, monk, preacher, etc.
5. PetAuto: Allows your pet to become an auto mechanic (not for German cars).
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Prices and\or further information (The PetKnowledge 20-stage process
currently has a full text available) can be obtained by contacting your
nearest DogBoy representative. All hardware purchases much be made in
German Deutschmarks and place in a private, numbered Swiss bank
account. Software is available for preliminary testing and Beta testers are
always needed. (Note: Beta testers must accept ALL conditions of testing
before they will be accepted. Please contact us for the requirements.)
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This document has, unfortunately, been created under the strict
regulations of DogBoy. It therefore must be treated with the respect this
and other DogBoy documents command. You may freely distribute this
document, but do not modify it in any way.
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? OS/2 is a registered trademark of IBM international and is in no way
associated with DogBoy. Any inference of this being true would be most
incorrect.
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