How to Eat a Bag of Chips

by mandarinorange

Eating chips is an art, and if you master this art you can enjoy the maximum flavor and enjoyment of the chip. I have been practicing this art for many years now and have successfully mastered this art. It has taken me many bags of chips and much time to do this, but with my guide you can master this art as well and fully enjoy your chips. You must first make sure that you have a bag of chips, any kind will do, but it will be most helpfully if you knew that the inside of the bag was shiny (unlike some ?healthy? chips that don?t have the shiny stuff), this will come in handy later. The bag must also be unopened (if you?re buying these chips at a store just to practice this try to make sure that you don?t get the bag with all of the broken chips). Second, open the bag. Don?t use your teeth. Open it at the top by pulling at the sides of the bag, and make sure that it is fully open. The shiny stuff on the inside of the bag will come in handy now. My theory on why they put that on the inside of chip bags (besides maybe keeping the chips ?fresher?) is that they want the customer to be able to see the chips they are eating. I use this to find the chips with the most flavoring first and eat them before continuing on to the less flavorful chips. While looking through the bag for the most flavorful chips, don?t use your fingers or hands, but just give the bag a gentle shake so that the chips are slightly rearranged and you can go on looking for them. While eating the chips make sure that you insert the ENTIRE chip into your mouth before biting down and eating it. Also, before even putting the chip in your mouth inspect it and find the side with the most flavoring (chip companies tend to be cheap and only put the majority of the flavoring on one side, instead of evenly distributing it among the chip) and put it upwards into your mouth, or else flavoring might fall off of it while traveling from the bag to your mouth. The reason why you put the entire chip into your mouth at once is because if you just take a bite of the chip crumbs will certainly fall from the chip, which will prohibit you from fully enjoying the bag of chips, and flavoring might fly off the part of the chip that isn?t in your mouth because of the vibrations from the crunch, and because of the lack of flavoring the other part of the chip will be less enjoyable. After you are finished eating the chips your fingers will be covered with chip flavoring, you may now lick your fingers, do not however lick them before or during your chip eating. The only time you may lick your fingers is if you have to touch something with your chip eating hand/fingers, try to do it with the other hand first, and if you are unsuccessful, then you may lick your fingers. After you have licked your fingers straighten out one side of the bag by pulling on an upper and bottom corner of the bag and tilt the bag in the direction of that side. Then give the bag a few shakes so that the leftover flavoring/ crumbs fall into the bottom corner. Then tilt your head back and shake the bag so that the crumbs fall into your mouth. There will still be some flavoring left in the bag, so to get this out lick you finger and wipe the flavor out of the bag then lick your finger again. If you have successfully done all of this you are close to become a true master at the art of chip eating. I wish you luck with all of your future chip eating adventures, and always remember how to eat chips correctly.