Fuck

by Tim A. Scrotum

Everybody feels they're here for a reason. What reason are you here for? The reason I've always felt I'm here for is to help others. In the first 19 years of my life I have yet to really help somebody. I've come into contact with individuals who I felt I could help many times but never have I really felt that I have impacted their life and changed them for the better. Always advice given appeared to serve no use to those receiving, they took it in with a nod as they understood my reasoning behind it but never has it caused a drastic change in lifestyle for them. So here I am today wondering: do we have the ability to change the way we act? I don't mean change a little as in perhaps a husband becoming more sensitive to his wife's needs but I mean changing your entire outlook on life not just a small part.

I've known for years that I've never been good at stepping out of my safety zone; off the top of my head as I write this piece I can't name a single example of me overstepping my grounds, though I know I've done so on an occasion or two when I've been pushed hard by outside forces. I feel as if I'm trapped in a small box. My entire life I've been trapped in this god damn box. My only exit from this box is anonymity. Yes, complete and utter anonymity has been my only break from my horrible cage; my invisible cage.

I don't know logically why I trap myself in this cage or fear to overstep my boundaries but I am mentally incapable of escaping. Why can't I just accept my word that there is no reason to fear reaching out and being, SOMETHING! I don't care what it is I wish to reach out for anymore I just wish to reach out period. I am so tired of being trapped in this cage where other people benefit from my lack of aggression (or another word for it I supposed would be my passive nature).

I've been passive aggressive all my life. At least I can say to myself I have the urge to be aggressive and take control... even if it isn't me reaching out to grab it by the ass. I can be aggressive, but only when the situation allows for me to do so in a passive way. I am stubborn; this is one way I manage to be aggressive.

I propose a change in lifestyle to everyone out there who has said at one point in his or her life "I am unhappy with the way I react or act when confronted with a situation". I demand that you get it through your head that the world is not going to be willing to change you tomorrow if you're hopeful. I demand that you come to your senses and realize that unless you make the change yourself, you will be what you are now, forever.

Unless by some astounding change of fate you have been truly feeling every word I have said up until this point, you are at this moment an unchanged and unmotivated for change individual. So I ask you to think about it this way. Are you happy with how you are currently going about living your life? No? I didn't think so. So why, my friend, do you continue to live your life in a manner you are unhappy with? If you're expecting me to tell you the answer to why you are living your life in a manner you are unhappy with then that's too bad. I don't know why you do it, but I can tell you why I live my life the way I do. Fear. I don't need to say more. You, reader, know that fear is a paralyzing entity, or at least I assume you do.

I am afraid to change my life for the better because I am afraid of what people will think of what is the true me. I am afraid people will horribly tear down what is the heart of myself. So, as the old clich? goes, I have built a wall around myself to keep others out. Yeah... I've heard that damn clich? since I was a kid... big fucking deal. These words don't mean much unless one is to ponder them. When I asked myself "why is it better to put out an introverted personality that will let you push me around as much as you like rather than reveal the real me and take a chance at being able to say what I truly wish to say to others. The real me can tell others when they are overstepping their grounds or what I think about a matter.

I want you to go find a comfortable place to sit and think on these words. Ask yourself whether or not you are living your life how you'd like to. Do you think that if you were living it differently things would really be worse? Look around you at other people who act the way you wish you would and think to yourself how, even if you aren't as cool or interesting as they are, it could possibly be worse then being a fuckup like you already are. Now I want you to try and put this new found passion into something. Change yourself. No fuckwit not slowly overtime. I've always thought I should change slowly so other people wouldn't say to me "Wow Tim you're different all of the sudden what's going on?". Just say fuck it. Change on a dime into who you are and stop hiding behind a fog. Big deal if people think you're acting funny. Soon they'll forget about it and this will be an acceptable way for you to act. If you really want to just fuck off for a while and go find all new people to surround yourself with. Good luck, may the force be with you and all that good shit.