The Quickest and Easiest Way to GET OUT of Psych Wards

by ChibiMiko / SigmaHex

Before I start the reason I'm making this text file is well, I (A) don't want people to go through as much as I did (B) I'm bored and have nothing better to do two minutes before new years.

These things are strictly common sense and if you can't see why these things are logical then you're a moron.

This is one thing you MUST keep in mind at ALL times or you will fail not only on getting out of there but in life, hold your tounge, swallow your pride and hide your ego.

BE CALM! Always! Be calm!

It's voluntary... for your parents.

One more thing before I start, this is a guide for children -- if you're an adult and you're in a psych ward you are in deep shit. A child can be sent to a psych ward for simply yelling at their parents. You can be arrested under the mental health act for basicly anything (this is Canadian law).

Let's start from the begining, they first will do standard things such as ask you what day it is, check your pulse, check your weight, etc. Be nice to your nurse, talk to him/her, make small talk. Do this for two reasons:

A. It will make time pass faster you will be there for awhile and talking is the best thing.

B. It will show your sanity.

Now this next part might be different depending on what hospital you went to. After they do the basics they will bring you to a small room that is most likely heated with nothing in it besides a gym matt and it will have a camera in it so don't act strange because you think no one is watching because they are. They will possibly lock you in the room.

Do not try to bang on the wall or anything really disruptive, ask for a sedative -- hopefuly they will give you one because you WILL wait about 9-12 hours in that room. At least ask for a blanket and ask for water/juice/food because they are really really slow getting around to it.

After about 3 hours a normal doctor will come in ask you a few simple questions like "are you in any pain" and he will check your breathing. Finally after 6 more hours an on-call doctor will come ask you some stupid questions like "If I sent you home would you feel angry towards others" or "Would you hurt yourself?"

Most of all the questions he will ask you just say no -- anything remotely bad say no to it. 10 minutes later he will leave the room, they will watch you on a camera to check you out.

Depending who took you in they will have a meeting with you and them. Here is the critical part -- if you've made it this far your doing good -- now this is the hardest part personally for me no matter how many times I've done this (about 6 times) it don't get any more easy. They will ask you some of the same questions that they asked you before when you first meet the on-call doctor and this is common sense, "Will you hurt your parent if I send you home?" To that say no. "Will you compromise over <insert crappy excuse for your parent to call the cops on you for say, not cleaning your room>" to that say yes (EGO BUSTER!). If all goes well they will release you.

If not they will send you to there temporary psych ward that only holds people for about 5 days (in the one I go to says 5 days but I've stayed there up to 15). Here they will watch you 24/7 -- the only room without a camera is the bathroom and none of the doors have locks. They even went as far as to take out the shower curtain because apparently someone tried to hang themself with it.

Welcome to your room -- it's the size of a large walk-in closet. It consists of a mattress, a camera, assortment of notes on the walls such as "I HATE LIFE!" "I WANA DIE!" "GOD HATES US!", the pathetic attempts of the doctors to cover up the notes and in my room I had a vent that made banging noises because as the nurse said "It's a very old piping system". You have your main room which is the size of a medium living room and it has a couple of board games, puzzles, maybe a TV with basic cable, if you're lucky an old SNES and a deck of cards.

Now some tips. FOOD! It's crap but if you just add salt to a lot of the foods it will taste pretty good. Act calm, try to make friends with nurses but if you can't no biggie. DONT FREAK OUT the first time around -- that cost me another 26 days in there.

You just act calm, see the doctor, and lie your ass off each time (common sense again, say no to "are you angry" and yes to "will you be good") and you will be released in a couple of days (about three).

If you get transferred to another psych ward then you failed, follow the same tips I showed above, besides that have common sense.