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Vax Trek V, the movie, The Crunchy Bits 2
Filename: p.036
Category: Star Trek (tm) parodies
Title(s): VAX Trek V The Movie
The Crunchy Bits: Episode 2
Author(s): David J. Young
Newsgroup: (email)
Poster: David J. Young
Date posted: 1989 05 22
First date published: 1988 12 ??
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
VAX Trek V The Movie: "The Crunchy Bits"
----------------------------------------
Episode 2:
----------
Captain's log, CPU Time: 4:50 point 42
--------------------------------------
We have crash landed on a strange little planet which wasn't on any of the
standard Federation star maps...or at least that's Mr.Sulu's excuse.
Until we either fix or replace the burned out dilithium crystals in the warp
drive unit we cannot take off.
Scotty: "You BASTARD!!"
Jim: "Pardon???!?"
Scotty: "You do it deliberately don't you?..you wreck my engines every episode."
Jim: "Calm down Scotty...I promise we'll get them fixed.."
Scotty: "..you've been taking a sneak look at the script again haven't you??"
Jim: "emmm...er...no of course not...I just get the feeling we'll get them
fixed by the end of today's episode."
Scotty: "...and how do you propose to go about fixing them?"
Jim: "Well first of course we'll need a landing party...Any volunteers?"
Spock: "I'll come..."
Scotty: "...och ok I'll come.."
Jim: "Right let's go...we'll pick up a few red jerseyed guards on the way
down..."
[10 minutes later, they stand outside the EnterKey on what appears to be
a rough cobbled road]
Jim: "Hmmm..a road eh...a sign of civilisation....set your phasers to 'kill'.
Give me a tricorder reading Spock."
Spock: "Atmosphere: breathable oxygen/nitrogen mixture..."
Scotty: "..I should bloody well hope so.....and anyway..Federation Standard
Landing Party Procedure states that tricorder readings of atmospheric
content should take place BEFORE we set foot on the planet"
Spock: "That's Federation bureaucrats for you....Someone should point out
to them that it's only possible to take a tricorder reading once
you're actually there..."
Scotty: "but...but...but what happens if the atmosphere wasn't breathable?"
Spock: "It always is...."
Jim: "Anything else on the tricorder Spock?"
Spock: "Yes I'm picking up some primitive radio frequency signals...
...here listen..."
[...it's a brand new dance now...come on baby..do the locomotion...]
Jim: "..primitive indeed..."
Spock: "I bet she's got nice legs though.."
Jim: "Spock!..what's wrong with you...that was Scotty's line..."
Scotty: "Never mind that...look!"
[Scotty points frantically at an angry crowd approaching...led by a tall
white bearded old man in a funny pointed hat]
Jim: "Right ..guards...blast them first..ask questions later.."
[The two red-jerseyed guards step forward, arm their phasers and take aim...]
(uuuh...and the question is Emlyn...WHAT happened next?)
********************* Next Week: Episode 4. ************************
Credits:
-------
Story by: DJY
Special Effects: DJY
Photon Torpedoes Supplied By: DJY
VAX Computer System kindly run by: Those Great Computer Centre People
Missiles launched by: Mistake
Tune in again..same time..same channel...next week...for another thrilling
episode.
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