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Star Trek TNG Episode XIX: Peace Restored


Star Trek: The Next Generation
Episode XIX: Peace Restored

Scene 1:

Picard: Captain's log, supple...

Troi: Pain! Oh the pain!!

Picard: ...mental. Troi has been yelling too long now.
After 18 episodes she has not changed. Neither has that obnoxious kid
Wesley. We were on route to Starbase ten (or was it one?) but instead,
I've ordered Geordi to bring us around the sun and try the slingshot
effect, to bring us back in time. My purpose: To finally rid ourselves
of Troi and the kid.

Wesley: [floating over Picard and tickling his bald head with a feather]
Up here baldy!

Picard: Wes! How many times must you be told to stay off the bridge!!

Wesley: But I am technically not "on" the bridge! I invented this device
which I like to call the Wesley Lifter, which makes me capable of
levitating *over* the bridge. How's the air down there Pic?

Worf: Captain, permission to fry his brains with a disrupter?

Picard: Easy Worf, he'll get his soon enough.

Yar: Saucer seperation complete, sir.

Picard: I thought I had asked Data to do that.

Yar: Well, Data is kind of tired after last night's...err...activities.

Wes: [To Picard] Hey, speaking of which, have you done my mom yet? She
really wants you badly! Though I really don't see what she sees in
you. Bald and all. I could invent a pill which would cure your
baldness.

Picard: Engage stardrive warp engines. Maneuver: slingshot 48.

Geordi: Engaged.

Troi: The pain!!

======================================================================= ===

Scene 2:

[Aboard a familiar Constitution Class Enterprise]

Spock: I am picking up an energy boost from the Kappa-Sol region, Captain.

<BWOOOOSHHHH>

Kirk: On viewer. [After studying it for a few seconds] It looks like an
duck. Analysis Mr. Spock.

Spock: Well, Captain, it is Federation vessel, USS Enterprise, NCC 1701-D.
Approximately five times our size. However, we have no record of it
ever being constructed.

Kirk: My god! But where is the bridge?

McCoy: [Entering bridge through turbo-lift] Dammit Jim, I'm a...[suddenly
noticing view screen] ...what's that?

Spock: If they do have a saucer section, they could well be eight times
our size.

Kirk: Open hailing frequencies...[Uhura does and nods to Kirk] 'This is
Captain James T. Kirk of the USS Enterprise. Identify yourselves.

Picard: [Speaking as he appears on the viewscreen] This is Federation
Galaxy Starship Enterprise Captain Jean-Luc Picard. We need your help.

Kirk: How may be help?

Picard: We first have a couple of people we'd like to to keep...er I mean
meet.

Kirk: Sure, we will prepare to beam them [A flash of light, as Troi and Wes
materialize on the bridge] ...aboard!?

Troi: Oh! The pain!!

McCoy: [Aside to Troi] I don't blame you! I don't like my molecules
scrambled either!

Chekov: Captain! The other wessel has just warped out of our galaxy at
maximum warp!

Wes: [Looking about the bridge] Oh how primitive!

Troi: Ohhhhh!

McCoy: That really does sound bad. Hmmm...[Nurse Chapel enters bridge
through the turbolift doors] Nurse Chapel will escort you to sickbay.

Troi: Mom!!!!

Kirk: Mom?

McCoy: Mom?

Chapel: Mom!?

[Everyone else on bridge replies in shock, "Mom?"]

McCoy: [Aside to Nurse Chapel] Ya better strap her down.

======================================================================= =

Scene 3:
Ryker: I kinda feel bad about tricking Wes and especially Troi that way.
She may of been annoying, but she was great in bed.

Data: I agree.

Yar: Data!!

Data: No, no. I-I mean agree that it was bad to trick Troi and Wesley
like that.

Picard: I know you might feel bad now, but it had to be done. Its okay
now though. Things are already starting to look up. Ahead warp one
to starbase..er..one. (...or was it starbase 10??) If you need me,
Bev and I are celebrating tonight in her quarters.
===================

To be continued....

===================

This episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation, has been created, thanks
to the following older episodes:

Trek Classic (old series) Diet Trek (cartoons) {Same old ST
========================= ==================== with a little
Charlie X Yesteryear less Trek than
The Squire of Gothos usual}
Tomorrow is Yesterday
The City on the Edge of Forever
Assignment: Earth
The Changeling
The Empath
And the Children Shall Lead

Cherry Trek (Movies) {Trek with a little extra}
====================
ST: The Motion Picture
ST IV: The Voyage Home



---===> Seth Meyer <===---
smeyer@topaz



-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
New on the Vulcan market!!
Vulcan Finger Trojans (So Vulcans can have *safe* poon-far)
Computer Center (Now with three terminals!)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Once again we sit back and experience the wonder of Seth Meyer and his parody
of Star Trek: The Next Generation

-----------------------------------------------------------------------
---------------------------------------------------------------------- -
---------- Star Trek: The Next Generation ----------
---------- Episode XX: Share Minds but Kill the Kid ----------
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
---------------------------------------------------------------------- -

Scene 1:

[Sickbay...Kirk Enters]

Kirk: How is she Bones?

McCoy: Well, Jim, I gave her a sedative but she keeps rambling on.

Troi: oh..pain...share minds...never got to share....mommy...

McCoy: I told Nurse Chapel to leave. 'Mom' that is. I don't get the
connection but it was driving Chapel crazy.

Kirk: [rubbing his chin] Share minds...hmm...What does she mean by sharing
minds?

McCoy: I'm not sure...It's like nothing I've ever encountered.

[Kirk presses button on wall intercom]

Kirk: Kirk to Spock...

Spock: <<Spock here captain.>>

Kirk: Come to sickbay. We want you to help us with Troi.

Spock: <<Affermative Captain. But what shall I do with Wesley?>>

Kirk: Explain.

Spock: <<Well he said he's trying to re-invent Transwarp Drive.>>

Kirk: Hmm...Let him talk to Scotty.

Spock: <<Acknowledged.>>

[After a minute, Spock enters sickbay]

Kirk: Spock, we need you to mind meld with Troi here. Find out what you
can.

Spock: Acknowledged. [places fingers carefully on Troi's face] Our minds
are getting closer and closer...

Troi: Yesss...Share minds...

Spock: ...Our minds are wow! [a smile appears on Spock's
face. He starts to blush, and he begins to shudder uncontrollably.
Spock's face begins to moisten with sweat, and both eyebrows are
'jumping' up and down. Finally, after three minutes, the contact
is broken, though Spock's odd grin persists]...oboy, oboy, oboy!
Errr...I mean fascinating.

Troi: Oh yes! Joy! Pleasure! Satisfaction! Wonderful! Gratitude!
Again!! [Chapel enters] Mom!! [Chapel exits, blushing] Confusion...
dismay...pain...oh the pain!! [Spock proceeds to mind meld again]
Yes!! Joy! More!!

Kirk: Keep her quiet and give me a report in an hour, Mr. Spock.

Spock: If you...uhhh...insist.

Kirk: Bones, lets go check up on Wesley.

[Exit]

=======================================================================
Scene 2:

Scotty: ...an' if ya ever try ta do that again, I'll take ya by yur
bloody hair and send ya into space and torp' you, ya little...

[Kirk enters]

Scotty: Captin'! Thank God yur here!

Kirk: What happened?

Scotty: Well, this little brat came down here an' used this here device
ta make it sound like your voice, tellin me to come up to the bridge.
When I found out you were in sickbay and that Wesley was going
ta meet me, I ran back here but Wesley locked the Engineering doors.
It took me a good two minutes to reprogram the computer to override
Wesley's practical joke.

Wes: I'm sorry, but gee, it was fun!

Kirk: Take it easy Scotty. He really meant no harm.

Scotty: Aye Captin, but the little bugger better watch his step, or I
might use the transporter to get rid of his brain.

[Wesley and Kirk leave Engineering]

Kirk: Wesley, you better watch what you do around here. Another stunt
like that and you will be confined.

Wesley: Gee, Captain, I only want everyone to know how smart I am. [he
looks up at Kirk at notices hair] Gee, you having hair problems?
Picard did too, 'cept he didn't use a toupee. He's a real boring
guy. Hey how's Troi?

Kirk: [Yelling and waving arms in old dramatic-Kirk-like fashion] Listen
Wesley, *you* have the opportunity...to make something of yourself.
Don't blow it by doing stupid things.

Wesley: Gee, you don't have to be so dramatic...

Kirk: [slamming Wesley into corridor wall] Listen you stupid little
jackass! After Charlie X, Trelayne, Miri & Jahn, and the children
from Triacus you're nothing. If you ever try to get wise to me or
to any of my crew, I will put you over my knee and ......[high pitched
whistle from intercom]...[pushing intercom button]...What!?

McCoy: I'm in sickbay, Jim. Sorry to disturb you, but its Spock.
I..I think you better get down here.

Kirk: Why? Has Spock died again?

McCoy: Now!

Kirk: On my way.

[Kirk, followed by Wesley run into the turbo-lift]

=======================================================================
Scene 3:

[Sickbay, Kirk and Wesley enter]

Kirk: What is it Bones ohmygodisthatspock?

Wesley: Gosh!

[Kirk and Wesley look in shock at Spock and Troi]

[Spock is sitting next to Troi. They are both smoking a cigarette, and
Staring into one another's eyes. Spock has the biggest grin on his face.]

McCoy: Well, Jim, Spock seems to be in total bliss. I haven't
encountered anything like this since you and that Deltan. I
think Spock's life is in danger.

Kirk: Don't spend too much time worrying about it Bones...Spock will pull
through...He's a regular. However, I think I will need some time
alone with Troi, in my quarters.

Wes: Oh yeah! Jimmy boy is gonna do Troi!

Kirk: [aside to Wesley]...shut up kid!...

=======================================================================
Scene 4:

Chekov: Cowordinites Captin'?

Kirk: Hmmmmmm...

Sulu: [to Chekov] I don't understand it. He's been like that after that
session he had with Troi.

Chekov: [shruggs, and repeats] Cowordinates Captin'?

Wesley: Yo Captain! The ruskie asked you for coordinates!

Kirk: [Suddenly remembering where he is and what he should be doing and
that the kid is still on his ship] Set a course for the neutral zone.
[presses button on chair] Scotty, I need maximum warp now!

Scotty: <<I can give ya warp 9>>

Kirk: [almost whispering into chair intercom] Look, do you want to get
rid of the kid or not?

Scotty: <<I'll have warp 11 for ya in a jiffy. Scott out>>

Wesley: Warp 11 is impossible!! Maximum logical warp is 10, stupid! I
should know.

Kirk: [into chair intercom] Security, come to bridge and confine
Wesley. Strip search him and I want a twenty-four hour watch on him.

Security Head: Aye, Sir.

Kirk: Uhura, send a message to starbase 5, code 2, that the highly valuable
commodity, Wesley, is aboard, but we are having engine
problems and are heading for the neutral zone.

Uhura: But sir, the Klingon-Romulan Empire have broken code two a long time
ago.

Kirk: I know [smiles to Uhura].

=======================================================================
Scene 5:

[Exiting warp speed...]

Spock: We are in the neutral zone, Jimbo.

Kirk: [To Spock] Jim! You used to call me Jim! Remember? [sighs, and
then speaks into chair intercom] Scotty, I need you to transport Wesley
into the first Klingon ship that enters transportation range, and then
get us out of here.

Scotty: <<Aye! That'll be a pleasure. And if they thought tribbles were
bad...>>

Uhura: Klingons are hailing us.

Kirk: On viewer. [she does and nods]

Klingon: This is Captain Dk'ls of the starship Tr'gn, representing the
Klingon empire. Your presence here is an act of war. Give us the human
known as Wesley or prepare to die.

Kirk: [in chair intercom] Now Scotty! [turns] Go Sulu!!

[Woooossssshhhhh!!!!!]

======================================================================= =====

Scene 6:

[In a more computerized looking universe...]

Picard: What's wrong with you.

Crusher: Shouldn't you be on the bridge? You're supposed to be monitoring
the reattachment of the saucer section.

Picard: No need. Its on automatic as usual. I'm let Riker think he's doing
it manually and...What's wrong?

Crusher: Dammit, its my son! Why did you get rid of him?

Picard: I got rid of them so we could have better adventures. Troi was
driving me crazy, and your son was such a brat. C'mon, we are finally
alone...no Wesley...no crises...lets get under the covers and...

Crusher: [pushing Picard into the wall] You had no right to do that! He
may of been a brat, but he was *my* son. There will be no future between
us until you get my son back!! Don't come to me to console you during
your next crises!!!

Picard: Oh alright. [Pressing insignia] Riker. Picard here. Re-seperate
saucer section and lets go back and get Wesley and Troi.

======================================================================= ====

Next Episode...Klingons, Peace, Pain, oh the pain!

======================================================================= ====

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\
| To be continued....|
\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/

This episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation, has been created, thanks
to the following older episodes:

Trek Classic (old series) Diet Trek (cartoons) {Same old ST with a
========================= ==================== bit less Trek than
Charlie X More Tribbles, More Troubles usual}
The Squire of Gothos The Naked Time
The Deadly Years
Miri
This Side of Paradise
The Trouble With Tribbles
Ellan of Troyius
The Enterprise Incident
Let That Be Your last Battlefield
And The Children Shall Lead
The Savage Curtain
...and all the other episodes in which Kirk gets lucky...

Cherry Trek (Movies) {Trek with a New Trek (The Next Generation)
==================== little extra} ==============================
ST: The Motion Picture Encounter at Farpoint
STII: The Wrath of Khan The Naked Now
STIV: The Voyage Home Code of Honor
The Last Outpost

---===> Seth Meyer <===---


----------------------------------------------------------------------- ------
* NEW NOVEL *

_The Deltan Encounter_

(Originally called: Death With a Smile)

...The Story of How Humans Discovered That They Were Sexually Inferior...
----------------------------------------------------------------------- ------


.......................................................................
............. .............
......... Star Trek: The Next Generation ..........
......... Episode XXI: Who's The Better Crew? ..........
............. .............
.......................................................................
Scene 1:
[In a low-budgeted type universe]

Kirk: Stardate supplemental. With Wesley gone and Troi as working
prostitute, everything looks great...Everything is running
smoothly, every lonely crew-member is happy, and the morale of
of the ship is up. Nevertheless, I have this feeling that some-
thing is going to go wrong...

[WHOOOOSHH!!]

Spock: Captain, the duck has returned.

Kirk: Open hailing frequencies: [Uhura does and nods] And will you
please answer instead of nodding! ["Sorry Captain"] This is Capt.
Kirk of the USS Enterprise. What brings you back? After that
little stunt, I oughta blast you first and then ask questions!

Picard: <Capt. Kirk; I really meant no harm. We request the boy and
the Betazoid back.>

Kirk: Why the change of mind?

Picard: <Well, I never meant for them to stay...we were just visiting
and...um...I had to get back for an important phone call before
lunchtime...and>

Kirk: You could have went back five days before lunchtime using the
the slingshot. What's the truth Picard?

Picard: <Look, there's this lady whose pants I've been trying to get
into ever since I brought her husband's remains to her. She won't
do anything for me until I get back her son Wesley...okay?>

Kirk: [Rubbing chin] Okay, but it will have to wait until we finish
our current assignment.

Picard: <Please give him back now! Dammit she's been putting me off
for years! Do you know how it feels not to be able to get a girl?>

Kirk: No. [...well maybe one particular whale-ladv...] Okay, we'll
help.

======================================================================= =

Scene 2:

[Aboard the NCC 1701-D...]

[Kirk and Picard pass some time on their way to the Neutral Zone...]

Kirk: Captain's Log...

Picard: ...the way its at

Kirk: Yo, we're travelin' through space...

Picard: ...To retrieve the brat

Kirk: I wouldn't bother...

Picard: ...its really insane

Kirk: But Picard wants to get in the pants of this dame!

Crew: Yeah!

Kirk: So here we are...

Picard: ...singin' you this rap

Kirk: To let you all know...

Picard: ...where things are at

Kirk: Hey we're almost there...

Picard: ...Well how 'bout that

Kirk & Picard: I just hope that Wesley knows
that he's not wanted back.

Crew: Yeah!!

======================================================================= =

Scene 3:

[By computer console of NCC 1701-D]

Picard: And this is our computerized log record...

Kirk: Hmmm...mind if I take a look?

Picard: Certainly!

Kirk: I see you have some old records here, from when I commanded...
Wait a minute! We never got that disease from another ship!

Picard: We did.

Kirk: Oh. And this one is messed up too! We didn't do that exactly
like that either! Oh and look! There's Trelayne! "Go back from where
thou camest!" He was a cute kid...sore loser though.

Picard: He called himself "Q".

Kirk: Your adventures are like our adventures! Don't you have anything
original that you've done?

Yar: I can't just stand here listening to him tell us that our adventures
are unoriginal!! I won't stand for it!!

Kirk: Dammit, girl! Get a hold of yourself!! *You* have got to get
a hold of yourself! Stop overreacting!!

Worf: Silence Kirk!! Look who's talking about overacting!!

Picard: Worf! Why so hostile?

Worf: Permission to speak openly, sir?

Picard: Yes.

Worf: That murderous terran killed my grandfather on Genesis!!

Kirk: Well your Klingon (bastard!) grandfather's crew tried to kill us!
And one member killed my son!

Data: Intriging...

Worf: [mumbling to himself] (Too bad it wasn't you!)

Kirk: I got to go back to my ship. [into communicator] Beam me up,
Scotty. [Kirk fades]

Worf: [mumbling to himself] (Just like a terran...to run away from a
Klingon!)

======================================================================= =

Scene 4:

Beverly: Oh! You must be Dr. McCoy! My goodness! You look so young!

McCoy: Yes, thank you...and you are..?

Beverly: Crusher...Dr. Berverly Crusher.

McCoy: [smile appears on his face] ..Crusher? [starts to laugh]
Dr. 'Bones' Crusher?
Beverly: Yes...what's so amusing?

McCoy: Bones crusher!!! Oh I'm sure your patients love the name!!
[Laughing hysterically] Dammit Jim I'm a sadist..not a doctor!!!

Beverly: [Coldly] Really!!

[Kirk enters]

McCoy: Jim!! [Laughing and rasping for breath] Bones crusher!! Ha ha
ha ha!!!! Dammit Jim, I'm a saa ha ha ha! [exits]

[Beverly, all red in the face with anger, turns to face Kirk]

Beverly: [coldly] What do you want?

Kirk: I want to speak with you for a minute.

Beverly: One minute. That's it.

[typical Star Trek love music is heard...]

Kirk: Every once in a while, a man falls in love with a beautiful lady.
Sometimes he doesn't really know how to tell her he loves her. And
when the guy feels like that his love will not be returned, he
might do rash things, like even getting rid of anyone in his way,
in order to love, and be loved.

Beverly: [In a much calmer and sensuous tone] Oh James...

Kirk: Yes Dr. Crushummmmmmp. [...As Beverly jumps on Kirk and they
tumble to the floor of her cabin.]

======================================================================= =

Scene 5:

[Aboard USS Enterprise NCC-1701-D...]

[corridor]

Scotty: Ach! Hows someone supposed ta find their way in this bucket-
of-bolts?

Voice: May I help you?

Scotty: Aye, ye sure can. I was looking for the chief engineer,
MacDougal. [Suddenly realizing that noone is around him] Who's
sayin' that? [Sees wall computer in corridor]

Computer: Chief Engineer MacDougal is in Engineering. Just follow the
arrows below. Have a nice day, and maybe next time we could do
tea or maybe we can talk about anything you want, or...

Scotty: Up yer' shaft!

[Scotty follows arrows until he enters...]

[Engineering]

MacDougal: Scotty, according to my teachings, you are known as "the
miracle worker." I am honored to have you here talking to me!

Scotty: Aye, I'm sure it tis lassie. So what's the maximum warp you
have been able to get to.

MacDougal: Very close to 10 sir. We are very proud to be one of the...

Scotty: Less than warp 10! Wouldn't ye be havin' transwarp?

MacDougal: Well, no...

Scotty: Well let me see...[looks at panel of chips in wall]...lets see...
Well, if my miracle instincts are still workin', all you need to do
is switch this chip with this one, get rid of this one, an' put
this, an' that should do it!

MacDougal: What did you do?

Scotty: I just simply removed the chip which prevented the extra flow
of energy from goin' into the warp drive, but I also added a
protector chip, which will prevent the warp chips from burning out.
Actually it was quite easy.

MacDougal: You *are* a miracle worker.

Scotty: Aye!...an' let me show you some more miracles...

[A grin appears on Scotty's face...]
[Scotty and MacDougal proceed to her quarters...]

======================================================================= =

Scene 6:

[In lounge of NCC 1701-D]

Chapel: ...so you see, I am *not* your mother.

Troi: I m sorry. I really did think that you were my mother. I do not
understand. Confusion...

Chapel: Well it's really quite easy. It's a matter of my personal
marital status. Y'see, I am married to the boss, so I get to have
a role in every series of his that I want to appear in.

Troi: I see, so for special favors, you can get multiple roles?

Chapel: Sure. Take the actor Mark Lenard for instance. We've seen
him as a Romulan, a Klingon, and as Spock's Vulcan father. He is
going to appear as a Ferengi, even though we're not supposed to
know that Ferengi exist. [whispers] I have the script, so I know
everything about everyone.

Troi: What did he do for the boss to be given multi-roles? Did he do
a special favor?

Chapel: Oh he did a special favor...but for me. [winks at Troi]

======================================================================= =
Scene 7:

[Aboard USS Enterprise NCC-1701...]

Picard: You mean to tell me that she [points to Troi] can be used like that??
I've been sitting next to her for 18 episodes and I could of
been...DAMN!

Chekov: [to Sulu] Sound sexually fwustratid. Eh?
Sulu: [smiles and nods, then says to Chekov...] Our captain never had it
*that* bad.

Spock: [To Picard] Affermative. It even took me by surprise, but I am
in control of my emotions. I am in control of my emotions!! I *am*
in control of my emotions!!! ARG! [Leaps onto Troi and mind melds]

[Kirk enters bridge, straightening out shirt, and looks around...
when the other crew members look at Kirk and give him a knowing smile,
he smiles and winks back.]

Kirk: Status report. [moment passes, and Kirk sees Spock] Spock!!

Spock: [regaining control of his emotions] Aye Captain.

Kirk: Status report.

Spock: Oh. [he goes to his station and looks into viewer...after a second
he replies in a calm voice] Klingons approaching...

Kirk: Red alert! Shields up! Arm phasers! Magnification full!

Picard: I must prepare my crew to go to get off the main bridge and get
ready for battle! [Pressing insignia] Riker, get everyone off of the
main bridge and into the battle bridge!!

Riker: <Sir, we left the main bridge in the computerized universe...
remember?>

Picard: Good work! [Turns to Kirk] Anyone have a suggestion to what
I should do?

Kirk: Relax. Just sit on the floor and watch an old pro in action.
Uhura, open hailing frequencies.

Uhura: Aye, Captain...sir, the Klingons are sending a distress signal...
code red.

Kirk: Analysis, Mr Spock?

Spock: They are in perfect condition. No external or interior damage.
However, they are not cloaked and they're shields are down. All
weapon systems are off.

Uhura: They are signaling us, sir.

Kirk: [Surprised] On viewer.

Captain Dk'ls: Kirk!! You win!! We surrender!

Picard: Hey! That's my line!

Dk'ls: You want peace, you got peace! Just take back Wesley!!

Kirk: What happened?

Dk'ls: Well, we confined Wesley to a prison cell, but he escaped.
He took over engineering, and looked over our cloaking device,
and replied 'How primative'. He then made another cloaking
device, which taps into the energy of our ship. His cloaking
device, however, fits on his belt, and no one can see him.
Oh please help us! He's driving us crazy!!

Kirk: [sarcastically] What makes you think we want him back? [Picard
glances and growls at Kirk] Maybe this is a trick. Maybe you are...

Dk'ls: [whining] Please!!!

Kirk: Alright already. [Into chair intercom] Scotty, beam up the little
pest using the signal his insignia gives off as a position.

Scotty: [sighing] <<Aye Sir..>> [pause] <<Got him Captain...>>

Kirk: [Into chair intercom] Good. Beam him to the duck ship...
[Picard glances at Kirk again] ...err, I mean the other
Enterprise. Kirk out. [sighs and faces viewer]

Dk'ls: Thank you. We will *consider* peace.

Picard: Gotta go. Crusher must be waiting for me!!

Sulu: The Klingon ship has just warped out of the system.

Picard: Kirk, thanks for your help. I think I've learned a lot. Bye. [Picard
beams back to his ship]

[McCoy materializes on bridge]

McCoy: Hi Jim! How was "Bones" Crusher? Was that just her name or
sexual tendencies? [laughs hysterically]

Kirk: Speaking of which, they forgot to beam Troi [who now fades]
back....Oh well [sigh]
[Every other male member on bridge sighs]
---------------------------------------------------------------------

Epilogue:

Picard: Bev? Are you in?

Beverly: Yes. What do you want.

Picard: [enters] Are you ready to have some fun?..hmmm...

Beverly: Not tonight. I've got a headache.

Picard: What? Why not take something for it? You are a doctor y'know.

Beverly: Oh Captain! Don't you get the picture? No, I don't have a
headache. It's just that, well after Kirk, I know I can do much
better than you.

Picard: [flushed with anger] I...you...umph! [Starts to walk out of
her room...] That's alright...there's something I've been dying to try
with Troi anyway...'Bones' Crusher... [Laughs as he exits]

[Beverly's face reddens with anger]

[The End!]

======================================================================= =


This episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation, has been created, thanks
to the following older episodes:

Trek Classic (old series) Diet Trek (cartoons)
========================= ==================== Episodes 1 - 79
Episodes 1A - 22A

Cherry Trek (Movies) New Trek (new series)
==================== =====================
Movies I - IV Episodes 1 - 20

...lets face it...we can find a little Trek in each of these that we can
compare this episode to...

---===> Seth Meyer <===---


---------------------------------------------------------------------

You've seen it in the episode, now hear it on laser disc...

* Kirk and Picard Rappin' Through Space *

You get some of your favorites, like Picard singing...

"I Surrender...But not every show...once in a while...Like every *second* show"

"Get off...I said get off...The bridge ain't for you to be...Take the hint
from me...Before Worf pulls out his disrupter, I think you better leave!"

and of course...

"Crises time...Yo it's crises time you see...gotta go!.. Beverly's waiting
for me!"

Kirk, as he raps:

"Need a girl...I say I need one soon...need a girl...Any georgeous one will
do"

"Enterprise, Reliant, Botony Bay...At least it don't look like some fowl
play! <QUACK!>"

and the famous...

"Shoot to Kill, Shoot to Kill...we come in peace..."

BUT WAIT!!! Order now and you will receive *Absolutly free*

Wesley and Troi rappin'!

"I'm tying up the turbolift, and I don't care...Only when I'm ensign,
I'll get out of here!"

"Pain...P-p-pain...Yeah I feel Pain! Too much! Ugh!"

--- ORDER TODAY ---

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