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Red Dwarf V: Terrorform script
From: [email protected] (Neil Postlethwaite)
Subject: Red Dwarf V/3: Terrorform (SPOILERS AHEAD !!!!!!)
Organization: Dept of Computer Science, Heriot-Watt University, Scotland
Red Dwarf V/3: 'Terrorform'
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Opening scene. One of the Starbugs has crashed on a planteoid on the shore
of a lake or sea. The planet is primeval in nature with many yellow gas
fires burning in the distance.
--------------------------------------
|Model: Kryten © Divadroid|
|Series: 4000 Int. 2340 |
| |
|Error Finding Server .............. |
|Error Finding Server .............. |
|Error Finding Server .............. |
|Error Finding Server .............. |
|Error Finding Server .............. |
|Error Finding Server .............. |
|Error Finding Server .............. |
| |
|No Panacea |
--------------------------------------
---------------------------------------
|Model: Kryten © Divadroid |
|Series: 4000 Int. 2340 | 'Remain calm Kryten, this is your
| | CPU speaking. There has been an
|Damage Assessment | accident, both your legs have been
|----------------- | crushed beyond repair. Your
| | ambulatory system has been destroyed
|Overview 72% | and your life expectancy is
|Opticals 35% | estimated at 67 minutes'.
|Ambulation 100% |
|Scanning .......... |
| |
|Condition: MAUVE |
---------------------------------------
---------------------------------------
|Model: Kryten © Divadroid |
|Series: 4000 Int. 2340 | 'If there is any further news we
| | will keep you updated. In the
| Options: | meantime here is a little music'.
| |
| Refer to qualified service personnel|
| Limited frontline repair |
| Cannibalise and reconfigure |
| Check trade in price against a |
| series 5000 model |
| |
| Condition: MAUVE |
---------------------------------------
---------------------------------------
|Model: Kryten © Divadroid |
|Series: 4000 Int. 2340 | 'Your auto-repair systems are now
| | able to restore visuals.'
| |
| |
| |
| OFF-LINE |
| |
| |
| |
| |
| |
---------------------------------------
'Kryten personal black box recording. Time- unknown, location -
unknown, cause of accident- unknown. Should someone find this recording
perhaps it will shed some light on what happened here'.
'My short term memory has been erased. This I ascribe to the close
proximity of the magnetic coils from Starbugs read engine. Secondly due
to the close proximity of the magnetic coils, my short term memory seems
to have been erased. This combined with the erasure of my short term
memory has left me a little disoriented. 67 minutes, I'd better get out
of here'.
---------------------------------------
|Model: Kryten © Divadroid |
|Series: 4000 Int. 2340 |
| |
| Damage Assessment |
| |
| Overview 80% |
| Opticals 35% |
| Ambulation 100% |
| |
| Remedial Action Required |
| |
| Condition: Magenta |
---------------------------------------
Kryten is trapped underneath several large metal crossbeams. He says
'Of course' to himself and starts to whistle to himself as he chops off
his left hand. To this he fits one of his eyeballs, that is hanging loose
by a wire. The hand-eye machine comes to life. 'Find and ore sample pod.
Initiate the homing procedure. Bring help. Good luck !'. The hand scampers
off.
The pod is seen arriving at the Red Dwarf and the hand is seen
scuttling about.
Holly announces to Lister that a pod has arrived and that the contents
have broke free. Lister is told not to panic because there is a tiny
possibility that the 'intruder' is a Tarantula. Lister does not like
Tarantula's in the least. He doesn't even like the sound of the thought
of one crawling across his clammy, naked, helpless body. The security
cameras pick up something, but the picture is very blurred. The thing
appears to be like a spider.
Something crawls up Listers trouser leg. He is absolutely petrified.
He communicates with the Cat, who has just arrived, on a console by typing
at a keyboard.
Terminal Talking
---------------------------------------------------------
L | Something is crawling up my leg. I think it's a |
| Taranshula |
| |
C | | Oh your playing
| | that dumb adve-
| | nture game again
| | aren't you.
L | It's in my boxers. It's making a nest. |
| |
C | | Buy a potion
| | from Gandalf (?)
| | the master
| | wizard. It always
| | works for me.
L | I'm SERIOUS |
| |
C | It has an eye the size of a meat ball |
| |
L | Kill it |
| |
C | How ? |
| |
L | I can't think straight. I've got a Taranshula with an |
| eye the size of a meatball setting up home in my joy |
| dept. Help me |
| |
C | I'm scared |
| |
L | YOU'RE scared. How do you think I feel |
| |
C | You haven't seen it |
| |
L | The lower half of my body has gone numb |
| |
C | That's probably for the best |
| |
L | It's moving. Oh *#%^!!!! |
| |
---------------------------------------------------------
The hand pops up on to the table at this point and
starts typing as well.
---------------------------------------------------------
| |
H | Hello. |
| |
| Kryten is in trouble. No time to explain. Follow |
| |
---------------------------------------------------------
They follow the hand and get into another Starbug and head off to
the planetoid. They arrive at the crash site and discover Kryten and say
they will get him out of there, though as his legs are trapped under the
beams, they will have to cut him in 2.
---------------------------------------
|Model: Kryten © Divadroid |
|Series: 4000 Int. 2340 |
| | Kryten: 'Begging your pardon sir !'
| |
| |
| |
| |
| |
| |
| |
| |
| Condition: Taupe |
---------------------------------------
---------------------------------------
|Model: Kryten © Divadroid |
|Series: 4000 Int. 2340 | Lister: 'Hold still Kryten, I'm
| | trying to draw a line
| | here. I don't want it all
| | wonky'
| |
| | Lister lights up a blowtorch.
| | Kryten flips on and off again.
| | He says Lister is not a surgeon,
| | it will invalidate his guarantee
| | and he would not trust Lister to
| Condition: Heliotrope | open a can of sardines, that was
--------------------------------------- already open.
Next scene. Lister has fixed Kryten, but has some stuff left over-
like you always do when you do some D.I.Y. Kryten asks about Mr Rimmer.
What has happened to him. Lister was about to ask Kryten the same. Kryten
recounts the story of the accident.
Kryten and Rimmer were in starbug when Rimmer found a S3 class planet
and wanted to claim it for the Space Corp. The ceremony consisted of all
23 stanza's of the Space Corp. anthem. The planet started to erupt around
them, which came as something of a relief to Kryten, and the planetoid
tera-formed as they watched. There was an explosion and then blackness.
Rimmer screamed in pain, anguish, dread. He was absolutely mortified. The
Cat comments, 'Why did someone suggest he pick up the tab for lunch ?'.
Holly manages to track Rimmer down from the signal given off by his
Light Bee. The other Starbug heads off, on caterpillar tracks (!), in
the direction of Rimmer. The Planetoid is weird. Strange animal noises,
a constant disgusting stench, squelchy underfoot. Just like Listers
laundry basket at the end of the month.
Kryten surmises that they are on a Psy-Moon. A Psy-Moon is an
artificial planetoid which tunes in to an individuals psyche and adapts
its terrain to mimic the persons mental state. It has reconfigured
using Rimmers sub-conscious as a template. They are in Rimmer's mind .....
The Cat says this IS definitely a 12 change of underwear trip.
Rimmer has been captured by his neuroses (* Pl of neurosis), his
personal demons. They have been made real. On this planet Rimmer will
have a physical presence, until he leaves, because it is all created by
his mind. They are all in danger.
Rimmer is a prisoner and is being taken somewhere. He starts to quibble
and demands his phone call. Hie is chained up in a dungeon type place.
Why is he here ? He is to be sacrificed to slake the vile depraved thirstings
of the unspeakable one. 'Well that clear that up'. Rimmer has his sheet
like clothing ripped of by 2 scantily clad maidens. They start to oil him
up.
Lister, Cat and the newly repaired Kryten have reached the point where
they must continue for Rimmer on foot as they have come across a swamp.
Lister says, 'Remember it's Rimmer's mind out there. Expect sickness !',
while hoisting a bazookoid onto his shoulder.
Rimmer says all he is obliged to give is his Name, Rand and Number. No
amount of oiling, tonguing, full sensual lip caressing his erogenous
zones onto a plateau of sexual ecstasy will make him talk. 'This nuts
not for cracking'. Both the maidens start to twiddle with Rimmers nipples
and he instantly cracks. If they insist on erotic pursuation to achieve
their devious ends, so be it. But have a 'Quatra-Formaggio' (?) Pizza
with extra olives at the end. Their master is summond. The oil is to
facilitate the conduction of electricity.
The swamp that has stopped the rest of the crew is signposted 'The
Swamp of Despair'. Frogs are heard in the background saying 'useless'
instead of croaking. There is a large blood sucking leech on Listers
neck. It is pulled off. Lister looks at it. It has a human face. it is
Rimmers mother face.
They come across a graveyard. There are several gravestones in the plot,
they are marked
Self Respect, died aged 21
Generosity " 9
Self Confidence " 22
Honour (Not Forgotten) " 12
Cat fonds a minute gravestone. It does not have a date on in, but it is
marked charm. They also find a freshly dug grave, though not filled in yet.
The stone is marked hope.
Psychologically speaking Rimmer is in big trouble. If they don't get to
Rimmer before before this grave is filled all of them may not get out of
this nightmare.
Rimmer, still chained up by the hands to a beam, sees the unspeakable
one appear from a steaming pit. We only get to see its legs and a shadow
of the beast, but that is hideous enough. It has 2 horses legs and a
tail that looks like a lizards. Rimmer says there had been a GIGANTIC
administrative cock-up, but to no avail. He is to be branded, with a
cattle/horse brand sitting in a fire, with a large H. All Rimmers
nightmares will come true here.
Lister, Cat and Kryten finally come across Rimmer. They see him from
above through a prison type grille. The unspeakable one says that Rimmer
has created him, nurtured and made him the Unspeakable One. He is the part
of Rimmer that hates himself. The self loathing, detests his own stupidity,
incompetence etc .... what the world calls the walking vomit stain
Arnold Rimmer. Rimmer squeaks out a tiny .... yes !
Lister says the others have 2 choices. Go in Bazookoids blazing, or
just watch. The Cat asks for 'Opera Glasses'. They raise the grille and
jump down, firing at the Unspeakable One (USO). The roof caves in partially.
They discuss whether to continue firing for fear of bringing it all down.
Lister says yes. Rimmer says, 'You would risk your own lives to try and
save me !'. Kryten replies, 'Of course. You're one of the crew'. The USO
goes 'aagghh!!!' and disappears down the pit. The chains break and Rimmers
uniform re-appears on him. They do a runner back to Starbug, while Kryten
quotes an applicable mechanoid saying 100011110110011000111010101, which
roughly translated means don't stand about talking, RUN ! at this sort
of time. As the Cat passes Rimmer outside, he says to him 'You're a
wierd guy, you know that'.
Back on Starbug Rimmer asks why they are staring at him. It's not
ny fault. I've had a bad day. I've been stripped, oiled, licked, chained,
humiliated and almost had a knobbly thing the size of a Mexican Agave
cactus jammed up where only customs men dare probe. Cat says don't you
know what this place is. Rimmer says that it is a stinking infested hell-
hole. Lister says, 'It's your mind'. Rimmer says it can't be. He doesn't
loath himself. What is there possibly to loath about me ?
Kryten asks if he wants a list ? He starts the list. He is despised by
his parents because he didn't reach their standards. His brothers are
the high fliers in the Space Corp. He is a vending machine repair man,
his inability to form long term relationships, his cowardliness, lack
of charm, honour and grace, he is not liked because of his fundamental
unlikeableness. Rimmer says, 'Oh that'. Kryten asks him not to interrupt,
because he is only half way through the list. Starbug starts to sink
into the swamp/quick sand at this point.
Cat suggests they get into the 'Jet powered rocket packs and junior
birdman the hell out of there'. Kryten says there are only 2 drawbacks to
this otherwise excellent plan. 1/ Bo such thing as Jet powered rocket
packs and 2/ Jet powered rocket packs don't exist outside of the fictional
comic series 'Robbie Rocket Pack'.
The USO voice demands they hand over Rimmer, and the rest of them can go.
Rimmer makes out a speech as though he was going to give himself up to save
the others. Infact he admits, he is going to cower behind one of the boilers
in the engine room. Holly says they must kill it, but Bazookoids have no
effect against it.
Kryten starts insulting Rimmer, and each time a truth hits home Starbug
sinks a little deeper into the quagmire. Cat, Lister and Kryten have a
private discussion in the cockpit. The real enemy is not out there, it is
in there with them. The real enemy is in Rimmers head. The Cat suggests they
cut off Rimmers head to deal with it. They must make Rimmer feel wanted.
They must restore his self-esteem. Earlier on when Kryten said to Rimmer
'you're one of the crew', the USO was hurt and they got away. They must
make him feel good. They must tell Rimmer that 'they love him'. The Cat
says 'YOU'RE SICK'. Lister, Cat and Kryten all start to suck up to Rimmer.
They say they won't leave him, they will stay and face certain death with
him.
They start to explain to Rimmer how guys muck about and insult each
other because they can't say how they really feel. Lister and Kryten both
tell Rimmer that they REALLY CARE and put a hand on one of Rimmers knees.
Cat says, 'It's true, THEY really do care about you'.
Rimmer thinks they are trying to shame him into going outside to face
the USO and his hordes of Rimmer mind demons. Lister says no, 'I love you
man, I really love you'. Kryten says they should have a 4 way hug situation.
They all say they love you, big man, AJ, Arnie, beautiful man to Rimmer.
Outside something strange happens. From the Rimmer graves several
cavalier/musketeer dressed people appear. They are all Rimmer, they are his
dead emotions. They sa#tart to fight the mind demon hordes. Goodbye
loneliness, self doubt take this die like the dog you are mistrust. Starbug
gets loose of the quicksand and takes off and leaves the planetoid.
Rimmer later says, 'It was all baloney all that hugging stuff. It was
just a way of escaping. You don't really think that deep down I'm an OK
bloke, not such a bad stick once you get to know me.
REPLY : GUESS THE REPLY !!!!!!!!!!!
---------------------------------------
End Of Summary
---------------------------------------
Comments
~~~~~~~
The episode started off very strongly. Especially the 'Taranshula'
crawling about Listers 'joy dept' and it was a scream when the hand/eye
popped up on the table and typed 'Hello' on the terminal.
The Rimmer prisoner scene was a bit off. Chris Barrie seemed at
times to lapse into 'Gordon Brittas' Mode. The rescue scene was OK.
The fact they had to kill the USO by making Rimmer feel wanted was
reasonably obvious. The Cavalier scene was a bit ho-hum, never mind.
The gags were as good as ever. Laughtrack still a bit off though. Holly
still doesn't get much of a look in. The episode seem very Rimmer based,
Kryten explaining the story, Lister doing the biz, Cat wise-cracking.
Found it was a better watch the second time around.
Cast:
~~~
Arnold Rimmer Chris Barrie
Dave Lister Craig Charles
Holly Hattie Hayridge
Cat Danny John-Jules
Kryten Robert Llewellyn
Handmaidens Sara Stockbridge
Francine Walker-Lee
(No credits for The Unspeakable One, Mind-Demons or the hand !)
Directed Juliet May
Produced Hilary Bevan-Jones
Executive Production Rob Grant and Doug Naylor
Red Dwarf V (C) BBC TV 1992
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Erratum From RDV/1: 'Holoship' and RDV/2: 'The Inquisitor'.
RDV/1: 'Holoship'
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Produced by Hilary Bevan-Jones (Omitted)
RDV/2: 'The Inquisitor'
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Produced by Hilary Bevan-Jones (Omitted)
Directed By Juliet May and Rob Grant/Doug Naylor.
(Possibly why it was the strongest of the 3 so far, due to Rob Grant
and Doug Naylor helping Juliet May with the Directing.)
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