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Toxic Custard Workshop - #71
- Told you it would shrink.
-- Yeah yeah, okay, you're right. You should never mix exams with custard.
- Yep. So, will you do the announcement, or shall I?
-- You can do it
- Okay. Where's that shift-lock key?
LADIES AND GENTLEMAN. DUE TO THE AUTHOR BEING Y
IN THE MIDDLE OF EXAMS, THIS WEEK TOXIC CUSTARD e
WILL BE A SPECIAL *MINIATURE* EDITION. s
***** *** * * **** ***** ** TOXIC CUSTARD WORKSHOP FILES f
* * * * * * * NUMBER 71 - 18TH NOVEMBER 1991 o
M*I N*I A T U*R*E* ***E D I T*I O*N ------------------------------- l
* *** * * * * *** Written by Daniel Bowen k
s
Housewives - sick of tidying up the house? Well, nail down anything ,
you want to keep.. 'cos here comes SUPER VACUUM! Especially designed
for that lazy git of a husband, it will suck up anything and everything t
within a ten metre radius of the suction hose. SUPER VACUUM is now h
used on drugs raids - it never fails to suck up all the stuff! a
Available exclusively from SUPER VACUUM Ltd- SV Nails.. the only t
reinforced super-strength nails guaranteed to hold the furniture '
down. Also protection against nuclear blasts (though the objects s
themselves may well disintegrate).
r
SUPER VACUUM - You will believe a man can clean. i
- - - - - -- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - g
h
RICHARD III - ACT 4, SCENE 2: London, The Palace t
:
*Grammy award-winning Sennet. Enter Richard, in pomp, crowned;
Buckingham, Catesby, a Page, and others* A
KING RICHARD: Stand all apart. Cousin of Buckingham! b
i
BUCKINGHAM: My gracious handsome sovereign! g
KING RICHARD: Give me thy hand, sweetie. 3
5
*Trumpets sound and the court looks embarassed as he ascends the %
throne and puts a coin in the condom machine*
o
KING RICHARD: Thus high, by thy advice and contacts, f
And thy assistance, is King Richard out of his skull: f
But shall we wear this cool skin for a day?
Or shall it last, and we rejoice in them? a
l
BUCKINGHAM: Still protect they and for ever let them last! l
KING RICHARD: Ah Buckingham, now do I play the touch, T
To try if thou wouldst come back to my place: o
I forget my line; think now what I would speak. x
i
BUCKINGHAM: Say on, my loving lord. c
KING RICHARD: Why, Buckingham, I saw I would be king. C
u
BUCKINGHAM: Why, so you are, my well-endowed lord. s
t
KING RICHARD: Enough of this palace, come with me Buck, a
We'll go back to my castle and both have a r
d
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ s
Well, we'll throw TCWF onto the rack and
make sure it's stretched to a decent size t
by next Monday. Have a good week. h
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ i
s
Next week in Toxic Custard, we'll be interviewing at St Nick..
Satan.. Lucifer.. yes, the devil himself. And asking the question.. w
Does the Prince of Darkness suffer from nyctophobia? e
-- e
Copyright © 1991 Daniel Bowen k
--
Daniel Bowen, in the middle of exams at | o
Monash University, Melbourne, Australia | Solar flares are n
[email protected] | still in fashion. l
---Toxic Custard: [email protected]| y
!
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