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Toxic Custard Workshop - #67
# ### ### ############# TOXIC TCWF 67 - 21/9/91.
# # ### ### U Written by Daniel
#### ### # # #### ### #### ### FILES Bowen with a twisted
# # # # # #### ### ### T mind. Special thanks
# # # # # # ### ### ### A to Lori Boren.
### ### # # # ####### ### WORKSHOP --------------------
D
SURGICAL PROCEDURE
First they anaesthetise the patient. Hopefully they give him enough, or I
he can feel the incision. Then they take this big saw and there's lots
of tearing and wrenching and off comes the arm. And all the little d
blood vessels are sticking out of the stump; with screams and bones. But o
then the patient wakes up from all the noise, so the anaesthestist takes
out this big mallet.. WHACK! The patient is back out. The surgeon s
carefully makes an incision in the patient's abdomen, but then slips o
with the saw and chops off is own leg. m
"Oh, damn!" he says. Down goes the surgeon, on the floor, onto a e
pile of spare parts.. a pile of livers and colons. Then he tries to get t
up on his one leg, but his boot slips on the floor, which is drenched i
with blood. The saw is still going. It goes through a leg of the m
operating table and the patient goes sliding off into the pile.. e
*squoosh*..and all the aparatus connected to him falls over on top. s
Organs start falling out of the incision in his stomach, squelching
on the floor. One of the other surgeons has fallen onto a scalpel. Oh w
dear, it's gone up his nose. Instant hooterectomy. The first surgeon's o
leg and boot skids across the floor, out the door, and down the n
corridor towards the hospital lobby. And all since public hospital d
cut-backs. e
r
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
i
*Popsicle* was getting pretty bloody fed up with things by now. They f
just didn't taste right when they weren't cooked in the microwave.
Still, he did try and promote his tough-guy image, part of which was a
that he could survive without the essentials of life, because they n
weren't really essentials at all. Essentially non-essential. *Popsicle* y
looked around, wondering where the plot had got to. This boring o
self-indulgent stuff could go on for paragraphs, but was no good if n
nothing happened. Which it wasn't. e
He made his way back to the Australian Royal Security Establishment
headquarters, to meet Inspector Unnecessary-Violence, who was sure to e
get a laugh. He found him beating up suspects in the detention section v
of the building, a building so full of high-technology equipment and so e
massively expensive to build that it had been paid for by taxpayers. r
The Inspector finished his session on the punching bag, errr suspect,
and *Popsicle* managed to get a few words in his ear. Here's a list of r
them in alphabetical order. e
a
again americans and as back banana booby-trap d
californian covers disorientate for inspector s
home in it's koalas ornamental outback smuggle
smuggling the them they're think this time to 6
toilet-seat use using we 6
6
And now here's a list out of alphabetical order, with some
punctuation, and a few quotes thrown in to make it look like dialogue. t
"It's banana smuggling again, Inspector. The Americans, this time. h
We think they're using them to booby-trap koalas in the outback, to e
disorientate them and smuggle them back home for use as ornamental s
Californian toilet-seat covers." e
"Well", replied the Inspector in his distinguished and dulcet
tones. "I say we go get the fuckers!" s
"Okay", said *Popsicle*. "Let's go down to the lab, like we always i
do at the start of our adventure stories, because it fulfils the d
lack of silly and infeasible gadgetry that the viewers/readers/ e
listeners love." w
So they did. a
The HQ was organised a little like a department store. It had six y
floors below ground, and a network of corridors, lifts and escalators. s
*Popsicle* and the Inspector followed the signs to the nearest lift,
got inside, and asked for the lab. The lift moved down, taking them D
further below-ground. E
"First floor below ground - Wardrobe - gun-holsters, trenchcoats, V
sunglasses, black suits, leather gear. I
"Second, Privacy Infringement department. L
"Third, covert activity co-ordination section.
"Fourth, detention, torture centre and dungeon. b
"Fifth, public relations. i
"Sixth floor, Establishment lab, deadly weapons of mass- t
destruction, genetic experiments, alchemy and kitchens." s
.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
What rare and silly looking devices will *Popsicle* D
lift from the lab? How many four letter words will o
Inspector Unnecessary-Violence say next time? Find
out, whenever you manage to find the next part of y
the adventures of Mr *Popsicle*! o
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ u
Your brain has being feeding on the most recently ?
read episode of the Toxic Custard Workhop Files.
And it has no one to blame but itself. Back-issues
are now available; for details, send e-mail to
[email protected]. Also available if you want
a good frown, Rocket Roger - for that, send some
other e-mail to [email protected]
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
--
Copyright © 1991 Daniel Bowen
--
Daniel Francis Bowen, Monash | A man goes into a Texas restaurant.
University, Melbourne Australia | And the waiter says "you can't come
[email protected]| in here sir, you're not wearing
---TCWF - [email protected]| a bullet-proof vest."
I see Jimmy Swaggart is back in trouble. Stuck his crucifix somewhere
he shouldn't have again.
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