|
|
 |
|
|
|
register |
bbs |
search |
rss |
faq |
about
|
|
|
meet up |
add to del.icio.us |
digg it
|
|
|
|
Toxic Custard Workshop - #61
And on the eigth day, which was a Monday if I remember rightly, the Lord
did have the computer installed, so he could keep track of everything.
### ###
--##---------#####------TOXIC-CUSTARD-WORKSHOP-FILES-#61------Chop a tree
## ##### ### 9th September 1991AD \ down today
######## ### ### Written by Daniel Bowen \ for a
### ### #### ([email protected]) \ brighter
-############----#######-----------------------------------------tomorrow A
s
Massive Systems FBC (Fucking Big Computer) (vahalla.cc.heaven.rel) tty01
I
login: peter
password: s
i
Last successful login about 5 minutes ago on tty01 t
,
Welcome to MS FBC, WeetabIX V4.23
Licensed to Heaven w
2 User(s) Running at 493,383 MIPS r
User peter logged in at 20:27:17 UTC on 15 Sep 2093AD i
t
**************************************************** i
Users please note that e-mail from outside heaven n
will be delayed, due to maintenance on the Pearly g
gateway. Also be aware of attempted break-ins into
this system from brimstone.cc.hell.rel a
**************************************************** n
Today's thought: There are no razor blades in heaven o
That's why we all have beards. (God) t
**************************************************** h
e
heaven% who r
god console Jan 1 0ABB 00:00
peter tty01 Sep 15 2093AD 20:27 s
t
heaven% dbms u
p
DATABASE OF MORTAL SINS v0.8 (Beta Test Site) i
----------------------------------------------- d
Main menu: s
1.. Create a new life record (birth) i
2.. Edit life record d
3.. Cast person and delete record (death) e
9.. Shutdown system - Armageddon routines (password required) w
a
Enter option: 3 y
s
3 - CAST PERSON
m
Enter surname: Bowen Enter given names: Daniel Francis e
s
Retrieving record... s
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - a
Name: Daniel Francis Bowen Record no.: Earth/27081970A/47264 g
DOB: 27/08/1970AD DOD: 15/09/2093AD e
IQ: 67 Death: Smog suffocation ,
Events of life under consideration: I
0001- Hit sister with gumboot. (1972AD)
0002- Once stole 20 cents from the family telephone money box. (1979AD) w
0003- Enjoyed "The Life of Brian" several times (1986AD-2090AD) o
0004- Wrote "Toxic Custard Workshop Files", containing jokes about the n
Church, and later making an obscene amount of money into the d
bargain. (1990AD-2047AD) e
0005- Owned a Filofax. (1991AD-1996AD) r
0006+ Awarded "Wonderful Human Being" award. (1997AD)
0007+ Donated large amounts of profits to worthy charities, including w
Salvation Army and Public Transport Corporation. (1995AD-2092AD) h
y
Good: 2 Bad: 5 Total: 7
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - b
o
Please wait.. determining destination. t
h
Destination determined: Hell - determining life event/s: 0004 e
r
**Manual override from user god** .
Destination re-determined: Heaven
A
Message from god (console) - TCWF? I kinda liked it! n
y
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - b
o
The man hammered on the front door d
So we hastily hid on the floor. y
He quietly demanded our cash,
While we carefully hid all the stash. g
o
A silence in the air dispelled t
"Open the fucking door", he yelled.
We all pretended not to be there, a
Quietly opened the window to let in some air. n
y
It was round about then he saw the smoke.
He breathed it in, but didn't choke. g
It came out our window, he mellowed out. o
What were we burning? There was no doubt. o
d
The man went away, and crashed his Merc.
It was lucky there was no-one hurt. s
Now he comes every week- tenants beware u
Every week he comes, to breathe in the "air". g
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - g
e
Following up their hugely unsuccessful "Pommy" heavy-metal opera, s
Megabogue will shortly begin their "We Need The Money" tour. Band t
occasional-spokesman Bonk Mee told reporters that tour budgets have i
already been worked out, including fan funeral and stadium destruction o
insurance. "This tour will be something else!", he declared. Megabogue n
will kick off their tour at Chisholm hall on Thursday September 19th s
(what a subtle plug!), in front of a crowd of people who will be ?
expecting something else.
Bonk also complained that Megabogue were totally ignored at the MTV
awards, purely because they didn't do a music video. P
l
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ e
Back issues are available.. e-mail for details. a
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ s
Copyright © 1991 Daniel Bowen e
-- ?
Daniel Bowen, Monash University | If you thought cars were
Melbourne, Australia | a form of penis extension..
[email protected] | ever tried driving a semi-
[email protected] | trailer? Or a road-train?
|
|
|
To the best of our knowledge, the text on this page may be freely reproduced and distributed.
If you have any questions about this, please check out our Copyright Policy.
totse.com certificate signatures
|
|
|
About | Advertise | Bad Ideas | Community | Contact Us | Copyright Policy | Drugs | Ego | Erotica
FAQ | Fringe | Link to totse.com | Search | Society | Submissions | Technology
|
|
|
|
|
|
