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Hogs Of Entropy #72 Theres Pain In There
______ ______ ______________
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\ / \ / ____ \ ______|
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| ________ | ( {} ) | _____)
/~~~~~~~~~~~ | | | | \____/ | |______ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~\
| |~~~~~~~ / \ / \ / | ~~~~~~~~~| |
| | |______| |______| /_____________| | |
| | | |
| | ...Hogs of Entropy Text Files Present... | |
| | | |
| | "There's Pain in There" | |
| | | |
| | By: Mogel | |
| | | |
\ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ /
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The three of them were extremely tired. They laid on the bed and stared
at the ceiling. Chris, Will, and Sarah pretended for a moment they they
didn't have to get up the next morning for 9AM classes. They pretended they
didn't have a million papers to write and books to read.
The Violent Femmes were quietly playing in the background. Sarah sang
along, "I was born to late, I was born too soon - but every time I look into
that ugly moon, it reminds me of you."
"Gordan Gano has PAIN!" shouted Will seemingly randomly, "His music is
pure ANGST! There's pain in there, and I SHARE HIS PAIN!" Sarah giggled.
It was a little inside joke of theirs. They mocked the Nine Inch Nails
trendy cult that claimed to get such deep meaning out of the song 'I wanna
fuck you like an Animal'. "Yeah, whatever..." Will had said in the past.
He liked his Femmes. They were sarcastic, they were beyond the trendies and
the 'rebel' anti-trendies. It was some level of maturity music. "Can the
Violent Femmes become a religion?" he asked in his common pseudo-serious way
that he always used. He breathed sarcasm, it was his life blood.
"Would that mean you'd worship the band or the music or both?" asked
Chris, continuing the stupid concept. Sometimes people just can't let a bad
joke die. Probably because they fear awkward silences.
"I dunno," said Will. "I think I meant the lyrics should be our
philosophy of life."
"You want us all to be weirdos that go killing our families and sing in
really whiney voices?" asked Chris, again talking the whole thing to a
pointless level.
"Uhmm.. YEAH!" said Will, hoping to end the conversation.
Out of nowhere, Sarah mumbled "If I was to subscribe to a religion - it
would be the religion of common sense." As she said this, she rolled over to
her other side on the bed and Chris began to stare at her butt. It reminded
him of how horny he was.
"Man... I really need to get laid." he said in a loud silly voice. They
all began to laugh, when they heard a knock at the door. It was Chris's room
so he got up and and opened it.
FUCK. It was Jeff, the official college Christian activist. "Uhh.. hey
there Jeff..." he said in a slightly patronizing way. Jeff was well dressed.
He was a handsome guy with a nice, short hair cut. He worked hard in school.
He planned to major in the oh-so exciting field of Packaging Science.
"Chris, are you going to the Christian Fellowship meetings tomorrow? I
think it would be important for you. We need to talk." he said very
honestly.
"I'm not sure. It depends on what kind of plans I've made. I'll try to
make it." Chris said. Of course he was lying. All four people knew that
Chris was an atheist and each reacted to it in their own way. In Jeff's
case, he worried about Chris's future. He really wanted him to accept Jesus
because Chris was his friend and he didn't want to see his friends go to hell
and be on 'the wrong path'.
"Okay, I really hope to see you there. I gotta run, see ya later."
"Yep. See ya."
Chris closed the door. "Fuck. I shouldn't have said that out loud."
"Said what?" asked Sarah.
"I said I wanted to get laid pretty loud. I'm sure he heard me. He's
seen me talk about sex before. It's great, I'm losing a friend now." Chris
said in a serious way.
"HUH?? He does realize that people have sex I hope." said Will in his
usual silly way.
"Yeah, but he doesn't approve. He's lost all total respect for me." Chris
whined again.
"So?" asked Sarah, "Why do you care?"
"He's my friend," snapped Chris defensively.
"If he was your friend then he wouldn't have lost all his respect for you
so easily." Will said.
"He was the first person at this school that was nice to me. It's just
who he is. He was a real friend and now I've lost him as one."
"What the hell are you talking about? Friends are there for you no matter
what. If you've lost him, then he wasn't your real friend. So, who cares."
Sarah said firmly. Was he getting the message?
"Please spare me your kindergarten Psychology. We both know that real
life isn't like that."
"Why not the fuck not?! It can be!" Sarah yelled.
"In the real world, we all have a lot of superficial friends." Chris said
confidently.
"*YOU* may have a lot of superficial friends. Not me." Will commented.
Chris felt like Will and Sarah were ganging up on him. He felt like the
'victim' most of the time with those two.
"Don't tell me you don't make friends with people that don't agree with
the same major ideas as you!" said Chris. He was getting mad.
"Those aren't *REAL* friends. Get it?" Will asked. He was getting louder
too. The thin dorm-room walls lead to eavesdropping morons all the time. And
yes, there WERE people listening. Fortunately none of the three knew that.
"Okay, check this out. You're a Neo-Nazi that beats your wife and Molests
children in secret. You're happy with who you are, but you don't tell your
friends about it. One day the police pay you a visit and the entire world
knows about it all. Everyone hates you. Your friends pretend to not know
you. Are those REAL friends?"
"Of course they are! I'd be a motherfuckin' Nazi! I'd deserve it."
"GrRRrrRR. You don't get it. You would be happy with who you are, thus
if you were happy that you were a Nazi, you would be PISSED as all hell that
your friends wouldn't even talk to you. I'm not saying that the couldn't try
to talk to you, and change you from being a Nazi - but if they CARED about
you then they wouldn't disassociate themselves from you." Chris sensed that
something in what Will was saying was right.
"Don't you think that example is a little extreme?" whimpered Chris.
"It doesn't matter. If those Christian cultees have lost all respect for
you just from talking about sex then something is wrong. Don't you see that
they have a little checklist of qualities for people they accept and don't
accept?!" shouted Sarah. There was an awkward ten second silence. Chris was
annoyed by the whole conversation, but it had begun and he had to win this.
He hated looking stupid.
"But, don't you think that my sex life is none of their business anyway?"
Chris asked. Sarah liked talking about sex. It was eternally fun to see the
different ideas and perception people saw on the topic.
"If you want to talk about sex, then that shouldn't stop you. You
shouldn't have to hide who you are from them. If you're a sexual being and
you want to talk about it, then fuckin' do it." she replied, hoping his
sorry-ass would finally get the message.
"I really just would like to get along with them and not fight. That's
all." Chris said again, with a honest voice. Sarah turned to look into his
eyes with a great frustration. She was beautiful when she was mad, noted
Chris. Will smiled to himself, think already in retro about the
conversation.
"Look," said Chris. "Here's a good example of my point. When I was
twelve years old, this Jehovahs Witness woman came to my door. My brother
was in the living room with me watching TV. She was about eighty years old.
When she got to the door, my brother said 'Don't answer it! It's a nutty
religious woman!' I just didn't get it. She was eighty years old, what
could she do? So I let her into my house and we sat in my kitchen and she
talked to me for a half-hour about her religion. I was an atheist even then,
but I didn't need to argue religion with her. I was her 'friend'."
"What was the point of telling us that?" asked Sarah.
"Don't you see?" Chris asked, "I made that old woman feel good. Probably
everyone on the block was a total prick to her. She's probably dead now, but
she died knowing that there was that one little boy that was nice to her. I
made her happy."
"That's really pathetic." noted Will.
"What you you have done?! Would you have hid from her like my brother."
asked Chris in defense. Will was getting very intense. He couldn't believe
that Chris wasn't getting it.
"I wouldn't have done either. I would have opened the door and said 'No
thanks. I'm not interested.' I would have been for real."
"What did that do for her? She was 80 years old. Don't you see something
noble in making her happy?"
"Not at all. Look here, if I was in a more open mood, I *might* have
invited the lady in, but I certainly wouldn't have just sat there. She was
calling your beliefs SHIT. Don't you care about that? What you believe is
what's important. I would have let that old woman in on what I believed. I
would have *TALKED* to her. I wouldn't have sat there like a zombie and
humored her. That's what's fucked up about the world today. People are
afraid to get to the nitty gritty and talk." Will was getting hot. He
walked over and opened the window.
"FUCK ME FOR WANTING TO MAKE HER HAPPY!" yelled Chris.
"You were not being real. It's the same thing with these Christian
people, you're afraid to actually make them break a sweat and listen to what
you have to say. You're ideas are just as important as theirs."
"That's just it!" Chris shouted. "We have EQUAL ideas. I'm not going to
go around pushing my thoughts onto others."
"Isn't that what the cultees are doing?" asked Will.
"Well, that's them and not me. I'm here in this world to make everyone
happy and be a nice guy. Everyone's friend." Chris said, in a flowery poetic
voice.
"WHAT?!" said Sarah in shock. "Life isn't about 'making everyone happy'
life is about progress. You're thinking in the short term. Don't you get
it? Ultimately fighting against an idea you don't believe in will result in
real happiness. A temporary self-suppression might humor the people and make
them seem happier - but that's not _truly_ better for anyone."
"I think making people happy here and now is what's the most important."
"Even if it's against what you believe?! Please PLEASE don't tell me that
you don't see anything wrong with supression." Will begged, even though he
knew what Chris's answer would be.
"I don't. Not if it made people happy." said Chris. He honestly believed
that this was noble.
"I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU!" Will jumped up into standing position on the bed.
"That is the most fucked thing I have ever heard in my life!" Will grabbed
Chris by the shoulders, looked directly into his eyes, and shouted to him.
"If I was at the trials of Nuremberg, I wouldn't want to see a Nazi leader
cower in fear and lie. I would rather fucking see a Nazi stand up there,
the proudest motherfucker alive, and say 'YES. I KILLED THOSE FUCKING DIRTY
JEWS AND I'LL DO IT TILL MY DYING DAY!'"
Will realized the power of what he was saying. Chris was almost
dumbfounded, because he knew that Will was Jewish and he still had faith in
what he was saying. Will continued, "At least then the asshole would really
be standing up for what was in his heart. People would see it, and something
would sythesize. We're not here to exist and collect dust. Something is
moving in this world. Things are supposed to be happening. We're not here
to pat each other on the pompous backsides and ignore our differences. We're
here to grow."
There was yet another moment of silence. It was like an emotional funeral
for Chris. In his heart, he still thought it was okay to make people happy.
"Making people happy is what matters." he thought to himself over and over
again. He wanted to say it out loud, but he knew the two of them would use
their 'twisted' logic and make him look dumb again.
"SHUT THE FUCK UP!" was heard from room next door. "IT'S THREE O'CLOCK IN
THE MORNING. GO TO SLEEP." They all knew that this conversation would have
to be continued some day. They all had so much more to say.
Will and Sarah said goodbye and left. Chris began to think about how he
was going to go about asking out Sarah. He was falling in love with her. He
fell asleep and dreamed about getting laid. He didn't realize that Will and
Sarah were the best friends that he ever had until many years later.
Sarah went back to her room. "What's the most disgusting thing about that
whole conversation is that I know that there are millions of people that
think like him. What we're saying makes so much sense, so why is this
philosophy unique to only a handful of random people?" she thought to
herself. She watched '_Talk Soup_' on _Entertainment Television_ and went to
sleep.
Will went back to his room, popped the Violent Femmes into his CD player,
got on his computer, and sang along to _Add it Up_.
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Copyright © 1995 HoE Publications 'n Mogel. #72 -> 05/1/95
All rights Reserved.
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