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Attack of the eel
How to kill an eel
Little Johnny was 12 years old and, like other boys his age,
rather curious. He had been hearing quite a bit about 'courting'
from the older boys, and he wondered what it was, and how it was
done. One day, he took his questions to his mother who became
rather flustered. Instead of explaining things to Johnny, she
told him to hide behind the curtains one night and watch his
older sister and her boyfriend. This he did. The following
morning, Johnny described everything to his mother.
"Sis and her boyfriend sat and talked for a while, then he turned
off most of the lights. Then he started kissing and hugging her.
I figured Sis must be getting sick because her face started to
look funny. He must have thought so too because he put his hand
inside her blouse to feel her heart, just like the doctor would,
except he's not as smart as the doctor because he seemed to have
trouble finding her heart.
" I guess he was getting sick too because pretty soon both of
them started panting and getting all out of breath. His other
hand must have been cold because he put it under her skirt. About
this time, Sis got worse and began to moan and sigh and squirm
around and slide down toward the end of the couch. This was when
the fever started. I knew it was a fever because Sis told him she
felt really hot.
" Finally, I found out what was making them so sick. A big eel
had gotten inside him somehow. It just jumped out of his pants
and stood there, about 10 inches long. Honest! Anyway, he grabbed
it in one hand to keep it from getting away.
" When Sis saw it, she got really scared. Her eyes got big and
her mouth fell open. She started calling out to God and stuff
like that. She said it was the biggest one she's ever saw. I
should tell her about the one's down at the lake.
" Anyway, Sis got brave and tried to kill the eel by biting it's
head off. All of a sudden, she made a noise and let the eel go. I
guess it bit her back.
" The she grabbed it in both hands and held it tight while he
took a muzzle out of his pocket and slipped it over the eel's
head to keep it from biting again.
" Sis laid back and spread her legs so that she could put a
scissor lock on it and he helped be lying on top of the eel.
" The eel put up a hell of a fight. Sis started groaning and
squealing and her boyfriend almost upset the couch. I guess they
wanted to kill the eel by squashing it between them.
" After a while, they both quit moving and gave a great sigh. Her
boyfriend got up. and sure enough, the had killed the eel. I knew
it was dead because it just sort of hung there, limp, and some of
its insides were hanging out.
" Sis and her boyfriend were a little tired from the battle, but
they went back to courting anyway. He started hugging her and
kissing her again. By golly, the eel wasn't dead. It jumped
straight up and started to fight again. I guess eels are like
cats -- they have nine lives or something.
" This time, Sis jumped up and tried to kill the eel by sitting
on it. After a 35 minute struggle, they finally killed the eel. I
knew it was dead because Sis' boyfriend peeled its skin off and
flushed it down the toilet.
" And that's the truth!"
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