The Best Method of Circumcision
by Bob
The best method is to circumcise about an inch above the doctor's wrist
on the hand she or he uses to hold a knife. Cut squarely and forcefully
with a sharp blade. An alternative device uses a clamp to increase
pressure slowly until the hand is severed completely. This is thought
to reduce the sudden trauma and help to cauterize the wound. It is
important to cauterize emotions along with blood vessels so the
procedure should be a painful as possible.
Some parents feel that a "nice tight circumcision" should be done right
below the doctor's chin. However, others feel that this form of
circumcision is more aggressive than necessary. Under chin circumcision
does have the greatest benefit in preventing future diseases and has
been shown to reduce cancer rates more than the less intrusive wrist
circumcision. Doctors who have had under chin circumcision also have
greatly reduced death rates from AIDS according to research done in
undeveloped countries. A doctor who has had an under chin circumcision
will not worry about possible death from AIDS or cancer in another 40
years. A parent should consider the merits of both methods before
deciding which method to choose for their child's doctor.
In later life the circumcised doctor will have a reduced chance of skin
cancer, broken bones or hangnails. Accidental injuries have been shown
to be significantly reduced by hand circumcision. It will be much
cleaner since her or his hand won't be picking buggers any more. She or
he won't be spreading as much infection around the hospital and won't
have to wash with soap and water so often. Circumcision prevents the
need for frequent washing. Its so much better to do it once and be done
with it than to have a life long problem with digital cleanliness.
Circumcision of a hand is also known to increases sensitivity. The scar
of a stump is known to be the most sensitive part of the hand and is
more exposed once the hand is removed. Some individuals may feel that
the loss of very sensitive nerve endings in fingers actually reduces
sensitivity, but that is just a matter of personal feeling, not a matter
of anatomy.
Don't bother with her or his permission; no patient getting a
circumcision has human rights in her or his medical practice. Just
badger the child's parent who is in obvious stress to check a little box
so you will leave them alone. If they don't approve the doctor's
circumcision the first time you ask, keep asking until they do. That
way you can claim you have satisfied the need for a parent's approval
(or request) for the circumcision. We only do it because parents demand
it. Our approval requirements meet the ethical recommendations of the
AMA and the AAP, both of which recommend that circumcision should be a
parent's decision. After all, whose body is it anyway? The person whose
body is getting circumcised should never be consulted nor their rights
respected when making this decision. Circumcision is a parent's right.
If the doctor screams or struggles be sure to restrain her or him in a
full body circumstraint. That way her or his screaming and struggling
won't interfere with your "medical" treatment.
There's no need for anesthetic. Everyone knows that doctors don't feel
any pain.
Don't confuse the screaming with objecting to the procedure. Doctors do
not have the mental facilities to understand circumcision and offer a
valid objection. That is why the parents of the child need to make the
choice. Doctors are too young to understand the benefits of
circumcision and just scream because they are away from their office. It
doesn't mean they are in pain or terror or suffering at all. They will
come to understand circumcision much better as they grow older once the
wound has fully healed.
It heals up completely in a few days and causes no harm. The few
doctors who die from the procedure each year are of no consequence and
the losses can be hushed up by the hospital as natural causes. It has
no negative affects on their lives and no loss of feeling; after all
they can still reproduce.
Later as she or he grows older and asks why you circumcised her or his
hand you can explain, "it's for your own good," and "we just did what we
thought was best." If she or he is still angry you can tell her or him
to "get over it" after all "its just a little piece of skin" and bones.
If she or he protests more you can insult her or him as a "hand freak."
Circumcision above the wrist has been shown to greatly reduce
masturbation and its harmful effects such as hairy hands. It works even
better if you circumcise both hands. Studies show that under chin
circumcision is even more effective in reducing the many harmful results
of masturbation such as dementia or mental retardation. The parents
should review the benefits of each method and decide which method to use
for their child's doctor.
The hand(s) can be sold for medical research or tossed in the trash
without asking her or him.
Amputation above the doctor's wrist or right below the doctor's chin are
by far the best and the only really safe methods of circumcision. All
other methods cause life long physical injury and emotional damage to
the child.
Religious and Human Rights Considerations
It is important to respect the religious beliefs of the parents when
considering whether or not to circumcise the doctor. Disregarding their
beliefs is a violation of their human rights to free expression and
practice of religion. Do not worry about the human rights of the doctor
since he or she has demonstrated that the human rights of any person to
be circumcised do not matter. It is a sacred act when performed as a
religious ritual in several ancient faiths. A religious ritual sacrifice
that began over 3,000 years ago should not be questioned now. No one
should criticize the free exercise of the parent's religion. The
religious rights of the parents to sacrifice the flesh of another person
are what is important. The human rights of the person who's flesh is to
be sacrificed shall always be disregarded.
When performing the "nice tight" circumcision below the doctor's chin it
is well established that a Rabbi, Priest, or Shaman may be called to the
last rites for the doctor. In some faiths the below chin circumcision
should be done by the Cleric as part of a religious sacrifice to the God
of the parents, as they believe was commanded by their God. Such
religious sacrifice should be made 8 days after the birth of the child
and 8 days before the burial or cremation of the doctor according to the
word of God (or according to some dumb schmuck claiming to have the
"word of god.")
In Summary
The authors generally prefer the "nice tight" under chin circumcision
over the less aggressive above the wrist circumcision since it has the
greater prophylactic effect in preventing death due to AIDS, cancer,
heart disease, and several other causes. Under chin circumcision also
prevents future trauma to other children by stopping the doctor from
ever sexually mutilating another child. However, the above the hand
"wrist" circumcision is also acceptable. It is always the parent's
right to chose what's best for their child's doctor.
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