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Ways to say things in writing
"I am not a homosexual necrophiliac", Tom said in dead earnest.
"This has never happened to me before," Tom said impotently.
"Get me off this barbecue!" said Tom frankly.
"Get that sword out of my face!" parried Tom.
"I'm a bit of a masochist," submitted Tom.
"Everyone needs life insurance," claimed Tom.
"You mixed your chemicals incorrectly," fumed Tom.
"This stuff you mixed makes me sleepy," said Tom etherially.
"Look you don't have the pH high enough," said Tom acidly.
"I love this gravy," said Tom saucily.
"I hate flying to Scandanavia," sassed Tom.
"Watch it with the flying rubber bands," snapped Tom.
"I'm putting up wooden window closures," Tom shuddered.
"I don't know how to play the guitar," Tom fretted.
"This is my first day in Los Angeles," gasped Tom.
"I don't know what to have for breakfast," Tom waffled.
"I'm sorry I stuck my finger in your eye," Tom pointed out.
"I love Shakespeare," leered Tom.
"But I'll be late to my oenology class!" whined Tom.
"You'd better put some rock salt on the sidewalk," said Tom icily.
"I had better pull out now," interrupted Tom.
"Damn! Too late!" Tom ejaculated.
"Can't you be my Valentine on just odd days?" said Tom halfheartedly.
"Will you stop telling those ethnic jokes?" said Tom with polish.
"I think your stud bull swallowed a missile!" said Tom abominably.
"Well, too late," he said nobly.
"I have to go to economics class," supplied Tom.
"And you'd better give me back my Samuelson," demanded Tom.
"I'd love to tell you about quantum physics," said Tom charmingly.
"Lisa has the most enigmatic smile," moaned Tom.
I don't understand quantum mechanics, sighed Tom starrily.
(That last is the Sysop's entry for the obscure joke of the week. It
actually won the Caltech Swiftly contest a few years back.)
I don't understand your jokes, said Tom vacuously
"Here, Rover, chase the stick!" said Tom fetchingly.
"I forgot what to buy at the grocery store," said Tom listlessly.
"Boy this carpet sure looks dirty," said Tom vacuosly.
"I really hate these real-time programming languages," said Tom, at sea.
"I'm going to get every one of these wrinkles out," pressed Tom.
"Wait until Art Courville logs onto Tradewar!" attacked Tom.
"No one on this beach wants to play ball," volleyed Tom.
"Get out of my way! I have a laser gun!" beamed Tom.
"Never stand up in a sailboat!" boomed Tom.
"I don't like those little demons in Hell," said Tom impishly.
"SYSOP sure hasn't been paying attention," said Maddi knowingly.
"I'm not too fond of my family," said Tom relatively.
"In fact I have some theories about relatives," said Tom generally.
"I have perfect pitch," intoned Tom.
"Okay, I raised the landing gear too early," retracted Tom.
"I'm going to enter the Bad Writing Contest this year," stormed Tom.
"I just love my sixties artifacts! Look at this ring," said Tom moodily.
"I don't like eating game birds," quailed Tom.
"Why don't you just jump into that meandering body of water," creaked Tom.
"I worship fir trees," opined Tom.
"In fact sometimes I feel like a tree myself," said Tom woodenly.
"Will you turn off the goddamned air conditioning?" vented Tom.
"I feel like the sky," Tom blew up.
"I can solve those problems without a slide rule," calculated Tom.
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