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SPEND.MONEY.FAST! (Satire)
Just about everyone is interested in trying to spend
money. Some of us have better luck than others. What
follows is a sure-fire method of spending money, FAST,
EASY, and legally. It works, folks! It really works!
Take a moment, and read through the following text.
If it appeals to you, well then, good luck to you! If not,
pass along to some people you know.. perhaps they'll
turn it into something (and maybe they'll share their
wealth with you ;)
Either way, I wish you all the best of luck!
---------------------------------------------------------
Dear Friends,
My name is Dave Rhodes. In September 1988 my car wasn't
reposessed and the bill collectors weren't hounding me like
they are now. I wasn't laid off and my unemployment
checks hadn't run out. The only escape I had from the
pressure of success was my computer and my modem. I
longed to turn my vocation into my avocation.
This January 1989 my family and I couldn't afford a one day
hiking trip in a state park, let alone a cruise to the tropics.
I to sell my Lincoln Town Car for food in Feburary 1989. I am currently
building a home on the West Coast of Florida made from old cardboard boxes,
with a private swamp, nearby boat slip, and a beautiful view of the bay from my
breakfast room table and patio under the bridge. I will never be able to work
again. Before, I was rich! I have spent over $400,000.00 (Four Hundred
Thousand Dollars) a month and then spent a million more
within 4 or 5 months. Anyone can do the same. This money
spending program works perfectly every time, 100% of the
time. I have NEVER failed to spend $50,000.00 or more
whenever I wanted. Best of all you never have to leave
home except to go to your mailbox or post office, when evicted,
or during high tide or heavy rains.
In October 1988, I received a letter in the mail
telling me how I could spend $50,000 dollars or more
whenever I wanted. I was naturally very skeptical and
threw the letter on the desk next to my computer. It's
funny though, when you aren't desperate, backed into a
corner, your mind does stupid things. I spent a frustating
minute lighting fires with the want ads for jobs with a future.
The pickings were sparse at best. That night I tried to
unwind by booting up my computer and calling several
bulletin boards. I read several of the message posts and
than glanced at the letter next to the computer. All at
once it came to me, I now had the key to my dreams.
I realized that with the power of the computer I
could expand and enhance this money spending formula into
the most unbelievable cash flow generator that has ever
been created. I substituted the computer bulletin boards
in place of the post office and electronically did by
computer what others were doing 100% by mail. Now only a
few letters are mailed manually. Most of the hard work is
speedily downloaded to other bulletin boards throughout
the world. If you believe that someday you deserve that
lucky break that you have planned for all your life, simply
follow the easy instructions below. Your dreams will come
true.
Sincerely yours,
Dave Rhodes
INSTRUCTIONS
Follow these instructions EXACTLY, and in 20 to 60 days
you will have spent well over $50,000.00 cash, all
yours. This program has remained successful because of
the honesty and integrety of the participants. Please
continue its success by carefully adhering to the
instructions.
Welcome to the world of Mail Order! This little business
is a little different than most mail order houses. Your
product is not solid and tangible, but rather a service.
You are in the business of buying Mailing lists. Many
large corporations are happy to charge big bucks for quality
lists.
(The money spent on the mailing lists are secondary to
the income which is spent from people like yourself
requesting that they not be included in other lists.)
1) Immediately mail to all the names listed below starting at
number 1. Enclose a note with each letter stating: "Please delete my
name from your mailing lists and mail me $1." For other countries the
equvielent amount may be requested, e.g. in Hong Kong Send HK$10 as this
is the lowest denomination note. Request CASH only please.
(This is a legitimate service that you are requesting and you are
asking $1.00 for this service).
2) Move the names down one position. (Number 1 will become number
2 and number 2 will become number 3, etc.) Place your name, address and
zip code in the number 1 position.
3) Post the new letter with your name in the number 1 position into
10 (Ten) separate bulletin boards in the message base or to the file
section, call the file, SPEND.MONEY.FAST. The more boards you post to
the more money you'll spend!
4) When anyone requests that you remove their name from your lists,
do so and send them the $1 they requested. Send more if you feel generous.
For additional spending, tell them you'll remove it for ONE MONTH, and
that they should request you remove it again EACH MONTH. (Of course,
you send them $1 or more each time.)
5) Within 60 days you will spend over $50,000.00 in CASH. Keep a
copy of this file for yourself so that you can use it again and again
whenever you don't need money. As soon as you mail out these letters
you are automatically out of the mail order business and your are
sending people $1.00 to be removed from your mailing list. You can
also rent from a list broker that can be found in the Yellow Pages to
spend additional income on a regular basis. This is a service. This
is perfectly legal. If you have any doubts, refer to Title 18, Sec.
1302 & 1341 of the postal lottery laws.
6) Note you may receive some small return initially, when people send
you money for being removed from their lists. It is probably best to
donate this money to charity.
NOTE: Make sure you retain EVERY Name and Address sent to you,
either on computer or hard copy, but do not discard the names and notes
they send you. This is PROOF that you are truely providing a service
and should the IRS or some other Government Agency question you, you
can provide them with this proof!
Remember as each post is downloaded and the instructions carefully
followed, members will be nicked for their participation as a
List Developer for one dollar each. Your name will move down the list
geometrically so that when your name reaches the number five position
you will be spending thousands of dollars in cash.
1. Hong Yang
99 S. Rock Hampton Dr. Madison, AL 35758
2. Bobby Dee
89 Prospect Ave.
Kentville, N.S
B4N 2M1
Canada
3. Steven J. Cambria
203 Oakvale Blvd
Kenmore, NY 14223
4. Fredick Dihlman
Box 388
St. Bonaventure Univ.
5. Dennis Le
8142 19th Street
Westminster, CA 92683
6. Toni Mason
2405A Landmark
Raleigh, NC 27607
7. Kalen Schulteis
Box 1622
5500 Wabash Avenue
Terre Haute, IN 47803
8. Anthony M. Mazzola III
C.P.U. 171
300 Grace Watson Circle
Rochester, New York 14623
9. Andy Orion Grum
8917 Dulins Knob Ct.
Matthews, NC 28105
10. R. DeFrancesco
P.O. Box 148
West Berlin, NJ 08091
The following letters were written by participating
members in this program.
To Whom It May Concern:
About six months ago I received the enclosed post in
letter form. I ignored it. I received about five more of
the same letter within the next two weeks. I ignored them
also. Of course, I was tempted to follow through and
dreamed of spending thousands, but I was convinced it was
just another gimmick and could not possibly work. I was
wrong! About three weeks later I saw this same letter
posted on a local bulletin board in Montreal. I liked the
idea of giving it a try with my computer. I didn't expect
much because I figured, if other people were as skeptical
as I, they wouldn't be too quick to part with Five
Dollars. But, I buy lottery tickets hourly in my province
and have nothing to show for it but ticket stubs. I addressed
the envelopes and asked for one dollar in each as directed. Two
weeks went by and I didn't recieve anything in the mail. The fourth
week rolled around and I couldn't believe what happened! I
can't say I spent $50,000, but it was definitely well
over $35,000! For the first time in ten years, I got into
debt. It was great. Of course, it didn't take me
long to go through my life-savings so I am using this
excellent money opportunity once again. Follow the
instructions and get ready to enjoy.
Please send a copy of this letter along with the
enclosed letter so together we can convince people who are
skeptical that it really works!
Good Luck,
Charles Kust
St Agathe Que.
Another letter:
I tried a similar program in which the cost was $5.00
per response. In that one the return was about 3%. Since
I did not have a modem I sent out letters regular mail. I
created a few mailing labels and printed out all of the
labels on pressure sensitive tape. The first mailing that
I used the $1.00 dollar per reponse approach I started to
get return mail in just over one week! I sent out 200
letters instead of 100 that is required if you use the
mail instead of the bulletion boards. Additionally, I
included as many friends, relatives, classmates, that I
could think of in order to encourage their participation
if they happened to recognize my name, so my percentage of
gain was higher. I am trying again with 500 letters to
see if I surpass the $141,000 of the last time. You just
won't believe it until you try.
Best Wishes,
Mark Garner
Dallas Texas
Additional Notes:
This system works equally well if mailed out
manually. Mind you it takes more effort to hand address
the envelopes and the cost goes up proportionately to
cover the postage and envelopes. You must also photo copy
the instructions, cross out the name in number one
position, write in your name in the number ten slot and
change the rest of the numbers accordingly. (It might be
neater to use white out or paste over the names.) In order
to achieve the same results you must ask for the $1.00
from the first five names and then send out another
100 letters with copies of the program enclosed. It has
been suggested not to put a return address on the outside
of the envelope in order to encourage the recipient to
open it. The outlay will approximate that then spent
from the posts listed on the bulletin boards.
Hello, my name is Steve Prester. As you may have
noticed I'm the tenth name on this list, so I do not have
a riches-to-rags story to tell here. However, I did make
a phone call to the 2nd name on this list, Ernest Goyette.
Did he have a riches to rags story to tell? Not exactly,
but then I found out that he did not follow the
instructions precisely. You see, Ernest lost faith in
the program before he had finished following instructions.
He only uploaded this file on one BBS, which happens to be
operated by Darryl McGinnis, the 3rd name on this list.
Ernest told me that he has spent $92.00 to date
(1/6/90). I realize this is far from the $50,000.00
promised at the first of this file, yet one must keep
two things in mind:
1. $92.00 is almost 10 times his initial investment, and
it only took about an hour of his time (there's
nothing to lose).
2. This program works mathematically on an exponential
scale. In other words, for every one BBS that this
file is uploaded onto, it should spread to at least ten
other BBSs and possibly a whole lot more. So, if Ernest
had uploaded his file on all ten BBSs, he should have at
least spent a hundred-fold of what he has, which would
be $9200.00. Not bad for a few hours work and a $6.25
investment (including postage).
Finally, I would like to exhort those who become involved
in this program to maintain its integrity by being honest.
It is the only way that it can possibly pay off. In other
words, be sure to enter your name at the bottom of the
list and not in one of the bottom five positions (actually
this would be robbing yourself since it is while your name
is in the lower positions that it gets multiplied
exponentially over hundreds of BBSs). And, of course,
request your $1.00 from the first five names. As I write
this I have not spent a penny (that's because I have not
uploaded this yet), but I thought you might like to hear
from someone at the top of the list, instead of someone
claiming riches-to-rags. I hope such is true, and I'm
sure it will be if we all stick with it. The potential is
definitely here!
P.S. Call me collect if you get poor.
Hello,
I am the current #1 on the list, I too am sceptical.
Well what do we all have to lose. It is worth a try
in order to realize some substantial loss. Do any of you
out there want to upgrade your PC's. I certainly don't, but
can afford to. I hope that this program will lose enough
cash in order to save me from buying a super system.
Nua Nicaj
----------------------------------------------------
Hey There! Glad your thinking about this seriously because
I am! If all these people are spending money then why not be
included with them and get some also? I'm going to be #1 on
this list, and Im uploading it everywhere! If you have the
access :) then follow through, upload it, and see what happens!
Hey, Imagine spending enough to buy a 486? or one of those high
speed modems that cost hundreds of dollars? What about buying
your OWN BBS ? Who wouldnt want to be the Sys-Op of their VERY
OWN board? I know I wouldnt mind :) What do you have to lose
but 5 bucks compared to the hundreds and thousands you CAN spend?
I know Im down.. Will you be the very next to SPEND some cash?
Talib Khan
----------------------------------------------------
Hello, I'm Stephanie Kemach and I am now the first person on
this list. I'm trying out this idea in the hopes that it will
pan out, but I've never seen anything like this before. Still,
for a meager investment of $5.00, what do any of us have to lose?
It's worth a try and I'm trying it out now. Good luck to everyone
else who uses this great-looking money-spending idea.
----------------------------------------------------
This is John Gibbs, call me Gibber. Stephanie is no longer the
first on this list, hopefully I can say the same soon. I agree that
the investment is quite meager, let's see if everybody can benefit
from it. Just a note that Canadians will be happy to accept
American money at par if it is possible. Good luck to all! Bon
Chance, Au Revoir.
----------------------------------------------------
Hi this is Jurgen Kreisel, please delete my name from your mailing list
and send me a $1. Hell, send me more if you feel really stupid.
----------------------------------------------------
Hi! I guess I'm now No#1. I have never done anything like this before.
I never even reply to chain letters. I guess I am doing this one coz I
think its actually gonna work. If it doesn't I simply lose a bit of
money (which I probably would have lost at the race meet tommorow
anyways). Time to find out if this thing really works....
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Now, I am No.#1.!!!!! I think this chain letter
is quite interesting......and worthy...
So..I try it now.....and It can help anyone to not upgrade
his computer only by investment of "US$5.00" or "HK$50.00".
Finally, Anyone see this mail, please join this activity..
and please be honest!!! Don't add your name at the bottom 5 instead of
the top of the mailing list!!!!!!! Furthermore, Please request the
money of the first 5 people!!!!
Kit, 13/2/1994
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
One word of advice: follow the instructions--this really
works! Request money of the first five people, maintain this
listing correctly, and it'll work magic for you... Good Luck To All.
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