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Harry the Milkman & the Fossil Pigs
???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
??17 Jul 90????????????????????_ROR_-_ALUCARD_?????????????????????????? ??
?SHROOM11.DOC ? A ??
? ? ???
? The Adventures of Harry the Milkman A ??????
? -and- Tfile ??
? Humpidy Earl Jr.'s Malicious Terrorist Mob Distribution ??
????? Centere ??
?? ? Written by: Doctor Murdock - RoR - ??
? A ?_____________________________________________________________________??
? ?? Shawn-Da-Lay Boy Productions, Inc.????????????????????????????????????
????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
???The HQ of SDBP, inc - 415/236/2371??The Electric Pub - 415/236/4380????
?Primary Drop Sites??????Rat Head - 415/524/3649?????Primary Drop Sites???
0______o
/\_ _/\
:(,)\/(,):
\ :: /
\""""""/
''''''
I left a six /\
pack here. \/
: /\_/\
. <-/ \/-\/
. . \=======================> Quaff at SkankLord's!
. . ... ~
. . _ ..... ~~~~~~~
. ror . {:} . ~
............:. . . (zDOVxMYuEuLw~ufOUTrN) <----,
. \
OH NO, IT"S
DAVIDS ZOO!
I was tossed to the moon one night and I saw the man.........
.
...........................................................
.
.
with the oval shaped head, mam. Yes, sir. Out there in the black void
just hopping around on stars like a milkman running through a field of
spiders. What? Yes, a milkman. Yes...a milkman running through a field
of spiders. That's right. But....uh...not just ANY milkman of course!
This is Harry. The very ~special~ milkman. He delivers special goods.
In fact this particular milkman, Harry, is in fact the center point of
the Universe. Universe? Yep, Universe. That's why we call him Harry
the Milkman, aka: Snarfle Bob Harry the Nucleus of Thee Everlasting
Cosmos!! Yes, Sir. But that;s not ALL we call him. We call him
shithead and oakie-bob dunfrey too. So anyway, as I was saying, Harry
and his wife Buck tooth Hilbilly Whore were out shopping for a new form
of birth control when {.,msndsnfkn3489r9243jrfnvc34nrwek <line noise>
sadjh8u4893ryfh398f }!!! Huh? What?
"You said that Harry was the Center of the Universe. Are you going to
explain yourself?"
Uh...oh yeah, I forgot. Ok...so as I was saying....Harry the milkman
delivers those ~special~ gifts. Bombs, Tarantulas, cyanide milk bottles,
milk cartons with booby traps that fling darts into the victims throat
and then run air pumps (two mega-flex miniaturized nuclear reactors
installed inside each dart powers these air pumps) to siphon all of the
air out of the victims throats, thereby causing the victim to implode
into it's own mass. Quite an Unattractive way to go if I might add.
I've actually seen people survive these implosions. Yes, sir. One
morning this old man got imploded to all hell. And when they found him
later that afternoon he was still talking. Chanting the Omnibot 2000 (we
presume that this man feared for his life and was trying to get a little
extra brown noising in before he met his makers, the Fossil Pigs. This
man, in his ensuing life was a piece of damaged fetus that oozed out of a
pregnant sea prawns genitalia, fell to the oceans floor and soon after
was disintegrated by the tide current, thereby living a total time
existence of 2 1/2 minutes. And the existence after that was evening
more degrading!! They say that after awhile these short term factual
experiences can lead to a very severe case of schizophrenia. Studies
show. So anyway, the moral of this short side drift is: Never kiss ass
to the Fossil Pigs!! They really HATE that! In fact, die with a little
guts! Try and punch one of them in the nose next time you croak!
"Ummmmm, as you were saying...."
Oh yeah! Umm...what WAS I saying?
"Ahem......the MILKMAN!!!!~
OH YEAH!!! Well, as I was saying.....Harry delivered ~special~ gifts. And
one day he was delivering a special maltauv cocktail milk "grenade" bottle to
Mrs. Twatrot on 32nd St. And her 15 year old son, Humpidy Earl Jr, was up
early that day to go out and hunt little possum with his dawg Winger the
Snazzle Hoof. So, of course, Humpidy Earl had his .22 all primed and ready
to go! 'Ol Harry came walking up to the house with his flaming milk bottle
crouched in his right hand and ready to be tossed. Little Humpidy Earl soon
got wise and drew up a barricade. 'Ol Harry tossed the milk bottle into the
front window. Humpidy quickly got the fire extinguisher and sprayed off all
furniture that was covered with the fiery milk. Then he quickly grabbed his
.22, hit the front window and sent a barrage of lead to the Beelzebubic
Milkman. The wall of lead that hit Harry was so strong that he was thrown
into the street and feel into the sewer.
Meanwhile Humpidy acquired quite a case of paranoia and dread towards all
milkmen. A year after the so called ~Milkman Murder~, Humpidy Earl Jr. was
admitted to the Youth Psychiatric Facility in Napa State County, Ca, for the
eledged murder of over 1200 Milkmen. Accused of seeming carefully planning
out and executing each murder and then printing " LALALA, I STRIKE AGAIN, YOU
KNOBS!! - HUMPITY" on the mirror in each room the crime was committed. So
it was only a matter of time. During his stay of over 3 years, Humpidy
learned the true meaning of Voltage and Crotch Support.
But Harry didn't really die. Of course you knew that though, right? Harry
was shot into the gutter and fell into the sewers (this can actually happen.
Have you ever seen the sewers in Richmond?? A 5 year old child can easily
crawl right into one and have a field day down there. And Isabeau knows what
they look like in New York!). He floated down about 3 miles and then drained
out into the ocean, in the middle of a top secret Government project on
Pineal Gland Implosion. He ended up deflecting a laser beam that shot a 15
year old kid named Hippity Bob Jr., who in his fall pulled the trigger of
his .22 and hit a bird 2 miles up in the air. The bird, in his fall hit the
windshield of a private jet, cracked the windshield and stuck the pilot in
his jugular vein, thereby killing him within minutes. The private jet fell
to earth, and in his fall it landed on a resteraunt called Blueberries, which
exploded and in turn set of a larger explosion from a nearby Toys-R-Us. The
Toys-R-Us explosion shot shrapnel into the eye of an Army General who was in
the middle of an intersection on his way to a top secret government laser
test. Who in turned rammed his car into a Dominoes Pizza delivery truck, who
just happend to be carrying a thermo-nuclear device for organization
H.T.G.A.M. : Humpidy's Terrorist Group Against Milkmen, which in turn
destroyed the entire area code in a sinuous tower of flaming lava and
radioactive fire. And thereby creating panic in the White House, who thought
it was a Soviet attack. Who soon after started arguing with the Cremlin, and
within 23 1/4 hours the U.S. was positive the Soviets sent the missile and
fired it's whole arsenal into Russia. The Soviets never fired a shot. But
the nuclear explosion in the U.S.S.R. sent a violent surge wave into the
earth, which came up in the center of the U.S., causing earthquakes all over
the nation in eccess of 18.9 on the ricter scale. Destroying both parties.
And after the combination of both sides full agglomeration of weapons
being triggered and the destruction of the Earth, and all but one of the
human species............Harry sat on a rock and ate the rest of his bologna
sandwich......................
So NOW ya know!
<------ O N W A R D ------>
Welcome, friend. You have been chosen by Alice to read the
tomb. Here is the result of many experiments, some gone astray, others have
created master works of art. The judge of these, is YOU, my friend.
Experiments of what, you might ask. Experiments of Sanity. Altered Sanity.
Sanity modified to the outer reaches of madness, to the very edge of mans
ability to perceive.
Do with this information what you will........
______________________
/ \
| OPERATION FLOWERPOT: \__________________________________________________
| \
|Agent: Kallisti |
| |
|Mission: |
| |
| |
| |
| To jolly well go out and become a master surgeon so as you can perform|
|major brain surgery on the entire population of the universe, removing only|
| those bits that perpetuate evil, domination and greed in society today. |
| |
\_________________________________________________________________________/
Did you find this message just laying on the ground? Thought you'd check
it out, for posterity sake? Well guess what, Bud? It was all planned. You
got it. The Fossil Pigs deliver these to all people that have an opening in
their minds. A little minute crack, just barely large enough for the
insertion of an insanity bug. It's all for your own good you know?
You're Journey awaits....
RoR - Alucard
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