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Meihem in ce klasrum
MEIHEM IN CE KLASRUM
{By Dolton Edwards.}
Because we are still bearing some of the scars of our brief skirmish
with II-B English, it is natural that we should be enchanted by Mr.
George Bernard Shaw's current campaign for a simplified alphabet.
Obviously, as Mr. Shaw points out, English spelling is in much
need of a general overhauling and streamlining. However, our own
resistance to any changes requiring a large expenditure of mental
effort in the near future would cause us to view with some apprehension
the possibility of some day receiving a morning paper printed in ---
to us --- Greek.
Our own plan would achieve the same end as the legislation proposed
by Mr. Shaw, but in a much less shocking manner, as it consists of
merely an acceleration of the normal process by which the language
is continually modernized.
As a catalytic agent, we would propose that a National Easy Language
Week be proclaimed, which the President would inaugurate, outlining
some short cut to concentrate during the week, and to be adopted during
the ensuing year. All school children would be given a holiday, the
lost time being the equivalent of that gained by the spelling short cut.
In 1946, for example, we would urge the elimination of the soft "c",
for which we would substitute "s". Sertainly, such an improvement
would be selebrated in all sivic-minded sircles as being suffisiently
worth the trouble, and students in all sities in the land would be
reseptive toward any change eliminating the nesessity of learning the
differense between the two letters.
In 1947, sinse only the hard "c" would be left, it would be possible
to substitute "k" for it, both letters being pronounsed identikally.
Imagine how greatly only two years of this prosess would klarify
the konfusion in the minds of students. Already we would have
eliminated an entire letter from the alphabet. Typewriters and
linotypes kould all be built with one less letter, and all the manpower
and materials previously devoted to making "c's" kould be turned
toward raising the national standard of living.
In the fase of so many notable improvements, it is easy to foresee
that by 1948, "National Easy Language Week" would be a pronounsed
sukses. All skhool tshildren would be looking forward with konsiderable
exsitement to the holiday, and in a blaze of national publisity it would
be announsed that the double konsonant "ph" no longer existed, and
that the sound would henseforth be written with "f" in all words.
This would make sutsh words as "fonograf" twenty persent shorter in
print.
By 1949, publik interest in a fonetik alfabet kan be expekted to have
inkreased to the point where a more radikal step forward kan be taken
without fear of undue kritisism We would therefore urge the elimination
at that time of al unesesary double leters, whitsh, although quite
harmles, have always ben a nuisanse in the language and a desided
deterent to akurate speling. Try it yourself in the next leter you
write, and se if both writing and reading are not fasilitated.
With so mutsh progrs already made, it might be posible in 1950 to
delve further into the posibilities of fonetik speling. After due
konsideration of the reseption aforded the previous steps, it should
be expedient by this time to spel al difthongs fonetikaly. Most
students do not realize that the long "i" and "y," as in "time"
and "by," are aktualy the difthong "ai," as it is writen in
"aisle," and that the long "a" in "fate" is in reality the
difthong "ei" as in "rein". Although perhaps not imediately
aparent, the seiving in taime and efort wil be tremendous when we
leiter elimineite the sailent "e," as meide posible bai this last
tsheinge.
For, as is wel known, the horible mes of "e's" apearing in our writen
language is kaused prinsipaly bai the present nesesity of indekeiting
whether a vowel is long or short. Therefore, in 1951 we kould simply
elimineite al sailent "e's" and kontinu to read and wrait merily along
as though we wer in an atomik ag of edukation.
In 1951 we would urg a greit step forward. Sins bai this taim it would
hav ben four years sins anywun had usd the leter "c", we would sugest
that the "National Easy Languag Wek" for 1951 be devoted to
substitution of "c" for "Th". To be sur it would be som taim
befor peopl would bekom akustomd to reading ceir newspapers and buks
wic sutsh sentenses in cem as "Ceodor caught he had cre cousand
cistls crust crough ce cik of his cumb."
In ce seim maner, bai meiking eatsh leter hav its own sound and cat
sound only, we kould shorten ce languag stil mor. In 1952 we would
eliminait ce "y"; cen in 1953 we kould us ce leter to indekeit ce
"sh" sound, cerbai klarifaiing words laik yugar and yur, as wel as
redusing bai wun mor leter al words laik "yut," "yore," and so forc.
Cink, cen, of al ce benefits to be geined bai ce distinkyion whity wil
cen be meid between words laik:
\halign {#\hss & #\hss\cr
ocean & now writen oyean\cr
machine & now writen mayin\cr
racial & now writen reyial\cr
}
Al suty divers weis of wraiting wun sound would no longer exist, and
whenever wun keim akros a "y" sound he would know exaktli what to
wrait.
Kontinuing cis proses, year after year, we would eventuali hav a reali
sensibl writen langug. By 1975, wi ventyur tu sei, cer wud bi no mor uv
ces teribli trublsum difikultis, wic no tu leters usd to indikeit ce
seim nois, and laikwais no tui noises riten wic ce seim leter. Even
Mr. Yaw, wi beliv, wud be hapi in ce noleg cat his drems fainali keim
tru.
\bye
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