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To pee or not to pee
TO PE OR NOT TO PE
------------------
KING:
O heavy burden!
POLONIUS:
Hold on, I'm coming: I'll withdraw, my lord.
[Enter Hamlet]
HAMLET:
To pe or not to pe: that is the question:
Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The slings and arrows of outrageous stricture
Or to take arms against a closed urethra
And by abscission, end it? To fuck: to come:
No more; and, by a come to say we end
The cockstand and the thousand natural lusts
That flesh is heir to. 'Tis a consummation
Devoutly to be wished. To fuck: to come:
To come, perchance to clap! Ay, there's the rub.
For from that come of fuck what clap may catch
When we have shuffled off this mortal stand
That must give us pause. There's the chordee
That makes calamity of so wet dreams!
For who would bear the jerks and drops of piss,
The pisspot's wrong, the bladder's contumely,
The pangs of prostate gland, the pe's delay,
The insolence of orchitis, and the spurns
That patient merit of the urethra takes
When he himself might his quietus make
With a greased catheter. Who would sandal swill
To fart and shit under a potent purge
But that the dread of something after gleet,
The senile stricture from whose imminence
No catheter gives 'scape, puzzles the will,
And makes us rather bear the ills we have
Than fly to others that we know not of.
Thus chordee doth make cowards of us all!
And thus the native need of urination
Is sicklied o'er with the pale cast of thought
And enterprises of great piss and po, meant
With this regard, their current corkscrews turn
And lose the name of pumpship. Soft you now!
The fair Ophelia! Nymph, in thy orisons
Be all my sins remembered.
ADVENT
------
God is coming in the air;
Mary's cunt is on his face.
With her hands she frigs apace;
All the angels stand and stare.
Jesus sniggers "Ah, mon pere!"
Cherubs whisper "See them race!"
God is coming in the air;
Mary's cunt is on his face.
Now the Ghost is in despair.
Did he pity Joseph's case?
Now a perfume fills the place,
And the heavenly host declare
"God is coming in the air."
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