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A collection of dirty jokes
Why don'tblind people skydive ?
It scares the shit out of the dog .
There are two statues in the park-a man and a woman that have been
facing each other for 70 years. One day Gods sends down a bolt of
lighting that brings them to life.
They look at each other, run and meet halfway, join hands, then
disappear into the woods. A half hour later, they come staggering
out beathing heavily.
The woman looks at the man, smiles, and pants, " Let's rest up
awhile, and then do it again." The man agrees, " Okay, only this time,
you hold the pigeons and I'll shit on them ! "
What are two words you don't want to hear when you're standing at
a public urinal ?
Nice dick.
Whats the difference between a penis and a bonus ?
Your wife will blow your bonus.
How do you keep a bunch of mexicans from attacking a girl ?
Tell them its work.
How is a pussy like a clam ?
You eat them one at a time, they smell fishy, and they'er worth the effort
it takes to get them open.
What dose an 850-pound gerbil do for kicks ?
He shoves gay guys up his ass.
Whats the difference between being a dentist and being a gynecologist ?
The teeth.
What has two grey legs and two brown legs ?
An elephant with diarrhea.
A tall, hansome Polish kid is helping a middle-aged divorcee to her car
with her grocries.
As they get to the parking lot, she smiles and says, "I've got an
itchy pussy. "
He says " Well you better point it out, lady .All them japanese cars
look the same to me."
Did you hear about the Polish guy who bought a toilet brush ?
Two weeks later, he went back to paper.
Did you hear about the jewish car accident?
No damage to the car but fortunately everyone inside was hurt.
A lesbian goes to the gynecologist. As he's examing her, the gynecologist
say's " Lady, you have the cleanest vagina I've ever seen."
She says " Well, I have a woman who comes in twice a week. "
How many male chauvinists dose it take to screw in a kitchen light bulb?
None, let the bitch cook in the dark.
How do you know when its time to do the dishes and clean the place up?
Look down the front of your pants, if there's a dick there, it ain't
time yet.
Why do mexicans like small stearing wheels?
So they can drive whith handcuffs on.
How can you tell when a baby wasn't wanted?
When its born whith a coat hanger up its ass.
Where are two places that even the most undesirable people can get laid?
Prison and animal shelters.
The old graybeard walked up to the hot, little jailbait number at the bar
and said " where have you been all my life, sweet thing?"
"Teething" she replied.
Whats the differece between a bulldyke and an elephant?
Aboutten pounds and a flannel shirt.
After his annual checkup, Mickael was shocked to learn that he had
somehow contracted a rare disease and had only 12 hours to live.
Arriving home in utter despair, he told his wife the terrible news
and began to cry. Overcome with grief, lorretta hugged him tightly
and said, "Honey, I'm going to give you a night you'll never forget!"
Whereupon they went to bed early and made passionate love with an ardor
they hadn't felt in years. When they were done, Michael turned to his
wife and said,"Honey, that was wonderful-the best we've ever had. Can
we do it again?". This time it was even more passionate. Later, as
Loretta was about to doze off, Michael gave her a nudge and said,
"Honey, come on. How about one more time?"
"Thats easy for you to say," retorted his wife. "You don't have to
get up in the morning."
Why do they make asprin white?
So it'll work.
A man and a woman got into an elevator. The man asked the woman,
"What floor?" The woman answered, "Two, please; I'm going to give
blood for $10." The man said, "Oh, really, I'm going to the third
floor to sell sperm for $50." About a month later, the same man
and woman entered the elevator again. The man asked, "Second floor?"
The woman shook her head with cheeks puffed and lips tightly shut;
she held up three fingers.
Kamala, the monarch of a tiny African nation, found himself fascinated
by the game of Russian roulette while visiting Moscow for an economic
summit with Boris Yeltsin. "Ungawa! one bullet in six-chambered gun
make pretty good contest," he told the vodka-drenched president, "but
one day you come to motherland, I show you African roulette!"
Several months later, Yeltsin went on tour in Africa and decided to take
Kamala up on his offer. "So, mighty ruler show me this great sport of
yours." he requested. He then summoned a pair of royal elephants, on
which the two leaders joureyed to a secluded clearing in the jungle.
After dismounting, Kamala introduced Yeltsin to six beautiful, unclothed
native girls gathered around a campfire. "Here is African roulette,"
he explained."You pick any maiden here, and she will give you a free
blow job on the spot!" "Well comrade, such an offer sounds more inviting
than caviar," the muscovite responded,"but what makes it roulette? Where
is the chance?" Grinning broadly, Kamala responded,"One of these girls is
a cannibal!"
What turns a 90-pound weakling into a man of steel?
Polio.
What's a Jewish menage a trois?
A hard-on and two headaches.
What's the best way to make your wife hot and excited while you're makeing
love?
Call her when your're doing it with her sister.
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