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Idea for a politically- incorrect county fair
o Rush reads Deborah Saunder's column on the "Politically
Incorrect Fair" game which appeared in the September 7th edition
of the SF Chronicle. The purpose of the game is to construct an
event that would so enrage liberals that right-thinking
conservatives might actually put on the event, just to watch the
liberals explode. For example, a proper politically incorrect
county fair could be organized as follows:
- The fair would be held in People's Park, Berkeley. It
would take over the entire park, except for the volleyball
courts, which as any good liberal knows were built solely to run
the homeless out of the park.
- The opening ceremonies would be held next to a Nativity
scene that was built by public school children, and the
ceremonies would be opened with a prayer and the Pledge of
Allegiance.
- Exhibitions would include the "endangered species petting
zoo," a real fur salon, and sexual harassment booth. A shooting
gallery would give children the opportunity to pick off Spotted
Owls either by shooting them with AK-47s or by chopping down
their trees with chainsaws.
- The only beverages sold at the fair would be tap water,
caffeinated sodas, and Coors. Drinks would be served in styrofoam
cups only.
- Red meat would be barbecued on fires made up of lighter
fluid and old growth redwood chips.
- Any food currently under boycott, such as grapes and
lettuce, would be sold at half price. The only possible exception
would be broccoli, which would always be banned.
- The restrooms would be labelled "men" and "girls".
- Senior citizens would have to pay double admission, while
those who had patriotic tattoos or who drive trucks with gun
racks would get in free.
- The bumper cars would be powered by diesel fuel.
- The best-selling political buttons would be
"Bush/Quayle."
- Culture would be provided by "The Woody Allen Tribute
True Love Film Festival." Movies including Mia Farrow, though,
would be excluded since she refuses to accept Allen's
relationship with her adopted daughter, Soon-Yi.
- The winner of the Miss Politically Incorrect beauty
contest would be awarded the plastic surgery of her boyfriend's
choice.
- Adults would have to buy their own condoms - no freebies!
- Family events would include the log-rolling contest;
however, families participating in this event would first have to
chop down a tree together.
- The fair would be outdoors, but the promoters would still
provide air-conditioners for the environment.
- The fair's loudspeakers would broadcast the Rush Limbaugh
show, interspersed with patriotic songs.
- The dunking booth would soak a teacher.
- An aerosol manufacturer would sponsor a parade with the
theme "A Salute to Texas - the Big Hair State."
- All merchants at the fair would be required to make a
profit.
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