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'Twas the night before installation
'TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE INSTALLATION
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'Twas the night before installation,
And all through the shop,
Not a program was working,
It sure was a flop.
The programmers hung by their tubes in despair,
In hope that a miracle soon would be there.
The users were nestled all snug in their beds
While visions of inquiries danced in their heads.
When out in the hall there arose such a clatter
I sprang from my desk to see what was the matter.
And what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a Super-Programmer (with a six-pack of beer).
His resume glowed with experience so rare,
He turned out great code with a bit-pusher's flair.
More rapid than eagles, his programs they came,
And he whistled and shouted and called them by name:
On Update! On Add! On Inquiry! On Delete!
On Batch! On Closing! On Functions Complete!
His eyes were glazed over, fingers nimble and lean,
From weekends and nights in front of a screen.
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head
Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread.
He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
Turning specs into code; then turned with a jerk,
And laying a finger upon the "Enter" key,
The system came up and worked perfectly.
The Updates updated, the Deletes, they deleted;
The inquiries inquired, and Closing completed.
He tested each whistle and each bell,
with nary an abend, and all had gone well.
The system was finished, the tests were concluded;
The users' last changes were even included.
And the users exclaimed with a snarl and a taunt,
"It's just what I asked for, but not what I want!"
[From an anonymous printout from somewhere in California]
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