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NetWit Vol.2 #33
From: MX%"[email protected].edu" 20-AUG-1992 21:53:41.71
To: COMPTEC91006
CC:
Subj: Netwit Volume 2, Number 33
To: [email protected]
X-Mailer: fastmail [version 2.3 PL11]
______________________________________________________________________________
Submitted by: [email protected] (Andrew Clayton)
Author: Dan Beougher
Subject: cat shit
Swiped from: talk.bizarre
Liberated from Spaf's 'Yucks Digest'. ([email protected].edu)
______
> The cork is not a good solution. A friend of mine had a cat that
> stopped up because of a hair ball. He looked like Garfield after a
> couple of days. He spent most of his hours humped over a
> heap of kitty litter trying to dump. Finally his owner took pity
> on Kitty and gave him an enema via a turkey baster. A good healthy
> squish did the trick. Tuna oil, Kitty-kibbles, an old bird,
> Meow Mix and fish guts flew like snowflakes outa that cat. He crapped
> in, around, and on everything in the house. When he finally appeared
> to be through he farted for another hour. The cat passed his
> last and the ordeal appeared to be finished. But now the cat
> begs for enemas. He waddles up and mews, sporting a splendid woody.
______________________________________________________________________________
Submitted by: Mike Arras <[email protected]>
______
An elementary school teacher is giving an American History lesson to a
class of youngsters.
"I regret that I have but one life to give for my country", intones
the teacher. "Who said those famous words?"
Everyone in the class sits quietly. Then a shy young Japanese girl
raises her hand and says "Nathan Hale, in 1777?"
"Correct", replies the teacher. "Who said `All men are created
equal?'"
Again, the class is quiet. Again the shy little japanese raises her
hand and replies "Abraham Lincoln, in 1863?"
"Very good" exclaims the teacher. "Now, who said `Speak softly and
carry a big stick?'"
Once more the class sits quietly as the little japanese girl
hesitantly raises her hand, "Theodore Roosevelt, in 1905?"
"Correct", responds the teacher.
This goes on for a few more questions, until the teacher, now
perturbed, exclaims to her class, "Aren't you all ashamed of
yourselves? All of you Americans are ignorant of your own country's
history, while this young girl knows more than you do, and she's
Japanese!"
"Fuck the Japanese!" shouts a young voice from the back of the class.
The teacher looks around angrily, "Who said that!"
The young voice responds, "Harry Truman in 1945!"
______________________________________________________________________________
Submitted by: <unknown>
Liberated from Henry_Cate_III's 'Life'. ([email protected])
______
According to a recent government publication ...
A billion seconds ago Harry Truman was president.
A billion minutes ago was just after the time of Christ.
A billion hours ago man had not yet walked on earth.
A billion dollars ago was late yesterday at the U.S. Treasury.
______________________________________________________________________________
Submitted by: [email protected]
Subject: California IOUs
______
Hollywood, California:
Jay Leno of "The Tonight Show":
"Over the weekend, we had another mild earthquake here
in Los Angeles. Actually, scientists at Cal Tech say
it was not an earthquake at all -- rather, Gov. Pete
Wilson has written so many bad IOUs that the whole
state bounced."
______________________________________________________________________________
Submitted by: Don Dillon <[email protected]>
Subject: when drum stop
______
A Ph.D. student flies off to study the Mongo Mongo tribe in Hotsie Totsie.
As soon as he gets out of the plane, he hears this drum in the background.
Doomb Doomd Wuma Wuma! It's a little intimidating. He asks the chief, "Hey,
what's with the drum?"
The chief's face immediately becomes grim. "VERY BAD when drum stop." is
all he says.
Well the drumming goes on incessently for days, and our hero is about to go
out of his mind. He asks the chief again. "What *IS* that drum?"
"VERY BAD when drum stop." is all the chief will tell him.
Weeks pass, each moment punctuated by the same Doomb Doom Wuma Wuma, until
it is time for the student to leave. But just as he is about to board the
aircraft, the drum stops! People flail their arms, cry out and scatter.
No one remains but the student and the chief. "My God!" says the student.
"What happens now?!"
The chief's face is drawn. Beads of sweat bedew his furrowed brow as he
replies... "Sax solo."
__________________________Send Jokes--Have a nice day._________________________
The above collection of characters was mailed to you by Jeffrey H. Knodel.
The humor contained herin is in the public domain (unless otherwise noted),
and is yours to do with as you please. Submissions, questions, etc. should
be sent to [email protected].edu. To subscribe, send me a letter asking
to be added, and include your correct internet address in the body.
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