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NetWit Vol.2 #30
From: MX%"[email protected].edu" 17-AUG-1992 21:44:25.88
To: COMPTEC91006
CC:
Subj: Netwit Volume 2, Number 30
To: [email protected]
X-Mailer: fastmail [version 2.3 PL11]
______________________________________________________________________________
Submitted by: [email protected]
Author: Dennis Miller
Subject: Guys and Dolls
______
Did you hear about the latest revival of "Guys and Dolls"?
It's a politically correct version called "Loathsome
Oppressors and Women of Vision and Strength."
______________________________________________________________________________
Submitted by: [email protected] (Dan Shoham)
Author: World Press Review
Subject: War Women
______
This story was quoted by the 8/92 issue of World Press Review claiming
it originated in the Independent of London:
"More than 10,000 Indian and Nepalese men recently flooded Iraq's
embassy in New Delhi with testimonials to their character and
virility. They were responding to a newspaper ad offering them about
$1,000 to marry Iraqi women whose husbands were killed in the
Persian Gulf war. But the ad was phony, placed by crooks who charged
about $4 per 'application.' The Iraqi ambassador expressed sympathy
for the men but said, 'How can they think we have nothing better to
doo in Iraq than give away money and our women?' ""
______________________________________________________________________________
Submitted by: me ([email protected].edu)
Subject: Problem Report
Swiped from: cis.staff.operator (in osu subdomain)
______
[As part of a combination test of new software, and test of my competence
as an employee, I was required to run our new Problem Reporting Software,
and create a false 'Request'. The software asks a few questions, and depending
upon your answers, asks more questions. Eventually it dumps you into an
editor, so you can give the message body, and then files a report based on your
responses.
The tests were to be judged for creativity, and graded, Olympic style.
Included herein for your approval is my test request, in its final, solved,
form. -jk]
---
Subject: REQUEST #3862 -closed-, TEST: "Sex" server inoperative
Request # 3862 (Closed)
Submitted: knodel, Thu Jul 30 18:03:42 1992
Synopsis: TEST: "Sex" server inoperative
Closed on: Wed Aug 12 15:49:27 1992
Keys: latex,butterfly,hardware
Time/location: Not nearly long enough. / Lower, baby, LOWER!
Severity: 1
Hardware: Oh yes!
Software: ? Use a prothesis.
Contact
Email: liz
Telephone: 1-900-04-BABES
Assignment: knodel
Description:
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
From: knodel, Thu Jul 30 18:03:44 1992
Last night, calling in from the privacy of my own home, I ran into several
difficulties. The micom Switch connected with my modem in a very
uncomfortable way, but I eventually managed to get into r2d2's annex box.
I then typed at the prompt:
r2d2 portv1 annex: rlogin missionary
and got by way of a reply:
missionary: unknown host
Fine, I was never too fond of the load on missionary.
r2d2 portv1 annex: rlogin bondage
Network: Connection tied up.
r2d2 portv1 annex: rlogin princess
Host not responding, please stand by...
Not willing to wait, I hit reset, and got back to the annex.
r2d2 portv1 annex: rlogin virgin
Connect: Connection refused by host.
r2d2 portv1 annex: rlogin sodomy
Connect: Connection refused by host.
r2d2 portv1 annex: rlogin oral
Connect: Connection refused by host.
At this point, I decided to check if there was anyone else on.
r2d2 portv1 annex: who
Port What User Location When Idle Address
1 CLI john.1 NS 3/057 10:22pm top.magnus
+1 'rlogin prostitute'
2 CLI john.2 NS 2/111 10:23pm :04 bottom.magnus
+1 'rlogin prostitute'
3 CLI john.3 NS 2/243 10:20pm :01 front.dec-20
+1 'rlogin prostitute'
So I figured, ok, at least one sex client is up. So I tried:
r2d2 portv1 annex: rlogin prostitute
Connect: Socket not available.
Finally, I was hit with an inspiration, somehow I knew I'd be able to get on.
r2d2 portv1 annex: rlogin bimbo
Last login: Thu Jul 30 18:47:12 from rideme.cis
SunOS 4.1.1
===========================================================================
===========================================================================
You have new femail.
Mount: Unable to mount server Monster: logging in with home=/
>exit
By this time, I had decided that there must be some problem with Sex.
r2d2 portv1 annex: rlogin sex
SunOS 4.1.1
=======================================================================
=======================================================================
You have no femail.
Access to this machine (sex) is restricted to staff and
instructors. The following machines are currently available for
remote usage:
missionary.cis.ohio-state.edu
prostitute.cis.ohio-state.edu
princess.cis.ohio-state.edu
virgin.cis.ohio-state.edu
bimbo.cis.ohio-state.edu
bondage.cis.ohio-state.edu
sodomy.cis.ohio-state.edu
oral.cis.ohio-state.edu
If this didn't make sense to you, send mail to: operator
Connection closed.
At this point, I just gave up, I hope one of you can take care of this,
as I am really under pressure to complete a project in my CIS792: Female
Architecture course.
thanks for any assistance,
jk
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
From: mowgli, Mon Aug 3 15:44:34 1992
Ze German judge vould like to add his comments here. Ze contestant has
shown remarkable technical expertise, und has proven he is a vetran of zese
games. His creativity vas also high, so I haf avarded him a 10.0 in ze
optional competition. In addition, zis is ze first truly creative routine
zat ve haf seen, und so ze 10.0 score. Hopefully ve vill see more of zese
types of competitors in ze future.
- Germany
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
From: liz, Wed Aug 12 14:47:40 1992
I have assigned this request back to you. Please make sure it gets
closed as soon as possible.
Compulsory Round:
oprdat 10
TEST 10
assign 10
---
30/3=10
Optionals:
Technical 9.9
Creativity 10
Time Limit 10
---
29.9 10+29.9=39.9/4=9.975
Inane Commentator statements: "Wow Bob, the judges were stunned by this
performance. Unbelievable! The crowd here is going nuts. They're booing
the judges for not giving a perfect 10. The judges assesed Mr. Knodel a
.1 penalty point for immodesty and showing too much cheek. Operator history
has just been made here today. A gold medal performance. That wraps it up
here Bob."
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
From: liz, Wed Aug 12 15:35:34 1992
The Uzbekhistani judge has just one question. Why don't you compete
on a professional level and submit this to netwit?
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
From: knodel, Wed Aug 12 15:50:00 1992
Seeing that everyone who is going to has already gotten their licks
in, I am finally able to release this request into the void.
I would have hated to finish it prematurely.
jk
p.s. This is already slated to go out in Netwit sometime this week. B-)
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Changelog:
Thu Jul 30 18:03:42 1992: Request entered.
Thu Jul 30 19:16:27 1992: knodel, Assignment.
Mon Aug 3 15:44:30 1992: mowgli, Description.
Wed Aug 12 14:47:37 1992: liz, Description.
Wed Aug 12 15:06:34 1992: liz, Assignment.
Wed Aug 12 15:35:31 1992: liz, Description.
Wed Aug 12 15:49:27 1992: knodel, CLOSED.
__________________________Send Jokes--Have a nice day._________________________
The above collection of characters was mailed to you by Jeffrey H. Knodel.
The humor contained herin is in the public domain (unless otherwise noted),
and is yours to do with as you please. Submissions, questions, etc. should
be sent to [email protected].edu. To subscribe, send me a letter asking
to be added, and include your correct internet address in the body.
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