|
|
 |
|
|
|
register |
bbs |
search |
rss |
faq |
about
|
|
|
meet up |
add to del.icio.us |
digg it
|
|
|
|
Mike's Madness #3: The Loadie Test
Mike's Madness #3
You know, a lot of people have accused me of being a loadie. But what
exactly is a "loadie"? Here is an official test to help you determine if
you're a loadie or not: Give yourself 1 point for each that applies to you.
YOU KNOW YOU'RE A LOADIE WHEN . . .
-----------------------------------
* Your eyes are red even when you're straight
* You've run up a $300 bill in a restaurant by yourself
* KGB to you means Killer Green Bud
* When you've eaten a roach
* When you've eaten a roach twice
* To you "Hey Bud! Let's Party!" is "Hey! Bud! Let's Party!"
* If you've ever spent more than $200 on a bong
* You don't have a single brownie recipe that doesn't call for hashish
* You've thought that roach spray you just used was atomized green bud roaches
* Between going to heaven or a Floyd concert, you choose Floyd
* You know the words to every Pink Floyd song ever written
* Can sing the entire Tea for the Tillerman album
* You can hold your breath for more than 4 minutes
* You have the nick-name "Leather Lungs"
* You can't drive when you're straight
* You've smoked your own weight in Indica
* You can't follow the white line on the freeway because you're too busy
following the white line on the mirror
* You've actually been awake more than 25 days in a row
* You've dropped acid for a solid year in a row
* You actually plan to move to Amsterdam
* When someone happens to say "I had a fever . . ." you immediately think
"My hands felt just like two balloons."
* You think that Jimi Hendrix just might have had the right idea on the
National Anthem
* You and two buddies can kill off a whole keg in one night
* You didn't know you could drink water straight
* You emulate W.C. Fields to perfection
* A.A. has given up hope on you
* You're at the Betty Ford clinic more often than home
* You usually get a Christmas card from the owner of the local liquor store
* Can drink a 12 pack without stopping for a piss
* You can shot-gun more beers than most people can drink
* You have a bong with an inch of resin in it
* Your dealer would suck your dick before losing your business
* You've gone to Columbia in search of Gold
* The border guards know you by name
* You've slept eight days in a row
* Snorted a year's salary of coke in one night
* You know every drug dealer in a ten city radius by first and last name
* You can't remember a time when you weren't wholly fucked up
* You've met Ed McMahon in a bar
* You've been totally shit-faced within 5 minutes of coming home from work
* You've taken a college-level final stoned
* The only reason you go to school is because you can't get stoned at home
* You've driven from San Francisco to Dallas in two days without stopping
for a rest
* You've spent more than $1000 in a grocery store (at once)
* Get letters of thanks from Stolichnya
* Visine uses you as a test patient for all their new products
* You can roll a joint stoned, in the dark, with your hands tied behind your
back
* You have dreams about getting a job in a brewery
* You can imitate the McKenzie Brothers better than they can
* D&D to you means Drunk and Disorderly
* You have actually considered smoking a toad skin
* You have actually smoked a toad skin
* You can smoke a whole joint in one hit
* You can honestly say you've tried everything Hunter S. Thompson has written
about
* You've actually eaten a peyote button
* You've actually done it twice
* You actually admire Fat Freddy
* You actually are Fat Freddy
SCORING:
--------
1-2: Ah you lightwieght! Come on, start sparking up more often! Jeeze.
3-4: Shut the door.
5-6: You can do better than that! Buy an ounce and smoke it tonight!
7-8: My Grandmother does better than this. Try her hash brownies!
9-10: Doin' okay now
11-15: Better
16-20: Much better now
21-25: Great!
26-30: Excellent!
31-35: Ho shit! You're almost a loadie!
36-40: * * * LOADIE! * * *
41-45: Dangerous loadie
46-50: You are a hazard to yourself and others
51-55: Someone should be shot for letting you loose on the streets
56-59: You're either bullshitting or about to die
60-62: You died a week ago but you haven't come down yet
63 : You are a drug crazed poltergiest that God could not put out of misery
64 : How ya doin' Mr. Tower?
Heh Heh.
© 1989 Yucks for You Inc.
|
|
|
To the best of our knowledge, the text on this page may be freely reproduced and distributed.
If you have any questions about this, please check out our Copyright Policy.
totse.com certificate signatures
|
|
|
About | Advertise | Bad Ideas | Community | Contact Us | Copyright Policy | Drugs | Ego | Erotica
FAQ | Fringe | Link to totse.com | Search | Society | Submissions | Technology
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
TSHIRT HELL T-SHIRTS
|
