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Some pretty kewl jokez....
"SH*TS"
GHOST SH*T
The kind where you feel the sh*t come out,
but there is no shit in the toilet.
CLEAN SH*T
The kind where you sh*t it out, see it in
toilet, but there is nothing on the toilet
paper.
WET SH*T
The kind where you wipe your butt 50 times
and it feels unwiped, so you have to put
some toilet paper between your butt and your
underwear so that you won't ruin your pants
with a stain.
SECOND WAVE SH*T
It happens when you're done shitting and you
have pulled your pants up to your knees, and
you realized that you have to shit some
more.
POP A VEIN IN YOUR FOREHEAD SH*T
The kind where you strain so much to get it
out, you practically have a stroke.
bedroom golf
1. Each player shall furnish his own equipment for play; normally one
club and two balls (depending on the course owner the size of the club
may be questioned)
2. Play on a course must be approved by the owner of the hole.
3. Unlike outdoor golf, the object is to get the club into the hole and
keep the balls out of the hole.
4. For the most effective play, the club should have a firm shaft.
Course owners are permitted to check shaft stiffness before play begins.
5. Course owners reserve the right to restrict club length to avoid damage
to the hole.
6. The object of the game is to take as many strokes as necessary until
the course owner is satisfied that the play is complete. Failure to do so
may result in being denied permission to play the course again.
7. It is considered bad form to begin playing the hole immediately upon
arrival at the course. The experienced player will normally take time to
admire the entire course, with special attention to well formed bunkers
THE LIST
--------
"Come upstairs, son, like a good boy." "No, Mommy, you'll only throw me down
again."
Are you sure this is the way to make ginger bread men? Shut up and get back in
the oven.
Billy won't let go of my ear.
Billy, let go of Susie's ear.
Billy! Let go of her ear!
All right Billy, give me the ear.
Can I brush my teeth? Yes, now shut up and get the jar!
Can I buy a new dress? You know it won't fit over your iron lung.
Can I get pregnant? Of course not dear, you are only seven years old.
Can I lick the bowl? Shut up and flush.
Can I play in the sandbox? Not until I find a better place to bury Daddy.
Can I play with grandma? Not today, we already dug her three times this week.
Can't we give Daddy a decent burial? Shut up and keep flushing!
Daddy's on fire! Shut up and get the marshmallows!
Daddy's running down the street! Shut up and step on the gas!
Daddy fell in the campfire! Shut up and get the barbecue sauce!
Daddy puked! Shut up and get a fork, before your sister gets all the big
chunks!
Daddy went through the meat grinder! Shut up and eat your hamburger!
Grandma's got a bruise. Shut up and eat around it!
Grandpa's going out! Well throw some more gasoline on him then.
Things Bart has had to write on the chalkboard as punishment
I will not defame New Orlean
I will not waste chalk
I will not skateboard in the halls
I will not burp in class
I will not instigate a revolution
I will not draw naked ladies in class
I did not see Elvis
I will not call my teacher 'Hot Cakes'
Garlic gum is not funny
They are laughing at me, not with me
I will not yell "fire" in a crowded classroom
I will not encourage others to fly
I will not fake my way through life
Tar is not a plaything
I will not Xerox my butt
"Yo momma"
Yo momma so ugly the government moved Halloween to her birthday.
Yo momma so ugly that if ugly were bricks she'd have her own projects.
Yo momma so ugly they pay her to put her clothes on in strip joints.
Yo momma so ugly she made an onion cry.
Yo momma so ugly when they took her to the beautician it took 12 hours..
for a quote!
Yo momma so ugly she tried to take a bath the water jumped out!
Yo momma so ugly she looks out the window and gets arrested!
Yo momma so ugly even Rice Krispies won't talk to her!
Yo momma so ugly Ted Dansen wouldn't date her!
Yo momma so ugly for Halloween she trick or treats on the phone!
Yo momma so ugly she turned Medusa to stone!
Yo momma so ugly The NHL banned her for life
Yo momma so ugly people go as her for Halloween.
Yo momma so ugly that when she sits in the sand on the beach, cats try to
bury her.
Yo momma so ugly she scares the roaches away.
Yo momma so ugly I heard that your dad first met her at the pound.
Yo momma so ugly that your father takes her to work with him so that
he doesn't have to kiss her goodbye.
Yo momma so ugly your dad's breath smells like shit because he would rather
kiss her ass.
Yo momma so ugly she is very successful at her job: Being a scarecrow
Yo momma so ugly the tide wouldn't even take her out
Yo momma so ugly that her mother realized that beastiality can have some
serious drawbacks.
Yo momma so ugly she has little round marks all over her body from
people touching her with 10-foot poles.
Yo momma so ugly when she was born the windows of her incubator were tinted.
Yo momma so ugly when she was born, GOD admitted that even HE could make a
mistake!
Yo momma so ugly she could scare a hungry wolf off a meat truck.
Yo momma so ugly she'd make a freight train take a dirt road.
Yo momma so ugly it looks like her face caught fire and they put it out with
an ice pick!
Yo momma so ugly that when she goes to a haunted house she comes out with a
job application.
Yo momma so ugly she'd scare a buzzard off a gut wagon.
Yo momma so ugly they threw her away and kept the afterbirth.
Yo momma so ugly when she was born, the doctor took her and told her mother:
"Ma'am, if this doesn't start to cry in 10 seconds, it was a tumor"
Yo momma so ugly when she was born, the doctor threw her against the
ceiling and told her mother: "if it doesn't come back, it's a bat"
Yo momma so ugly when you look up Ugly in the dictionary it has her picture.
Yo momma so ugly her mother used to put rubber bands on her ears, so
people would think the girl was wearing a mask.
Yo momma so ugly when she was a baby her mother used to feed her with a
slingshot.
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