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Jerky Boyz Transcripts compiled by Shardik of 0str
0strich Dox:
The Jerky Boys - Transcripts of Real prank calls by the Boys...
They put out a tape...they call real places, and are really funny...
get the tape!
v.1.00
Auto Mechanic
-------------
<RING>
Arab Guy:Hello
Jerky Boy(Joe Pesci type voice): Hey!, Automechanic.
AG: yeah.
JB:I'm looking for a job.
AG:Ok, you have experience?
JB:7 years
AG:7 years?
JB:Yeah
AG:You have liscense?
JB:I work on race cars.
AG:OK, You have inspection liscense?
JB:Special what?
AG:Inspection liscense, you are inspected.
JB:Inspection, sure, I have all that shit.
AG:Ok, talk to my boss.
AG:I tell him everything, you have seven years experience
JB:Put your boss on, I'll talk to him
Boss:Hello? May I help you?
JB:What about the job?
B:What do you mean, what about the job; are you applying for a job.
JB:That's right tough guy...Yeah, I work on race cars. For 18 years.
B:race cars?
JB:yeah.
B:do you have New York state inspection liscense?
JB:Yes I do!
B:Where you workin' now?
JB:Right now I just hadda leave my job because of differences with my fuckin
boss... I had problems with my boss...
B:Your boss?
JB:Right.
B:Well I'll tell you what, you can come down and see me tomorrow.
JB:Should I bring my fuckin tools?
B:`Scuze me?
JB:Should I bring my tool box?
B:I tell you what, call me tomorrow...excuse me?
JB:Call you when?
B:Call me tomorrow, I don't think you can talk like that here, you can't call
and talk to me like that.
JB:Listen, I'll tell you what I'll do, I'll come down with my tool box
tomorrow and start working.
B:You gonna come down and start work tomorrow?
JB:Yeah
B:No, wait a minute, I gotta hire you first guy.
JB:Well, I'm the best.
B:You're the best?
JB:That's right.
B:Ok..:)
JB:I'm SERIOUS.
B:I know..
JB:I'll work circles around y'all...I'll rap your head in with a
fuckin rachet!
JB:You don't have anybody down there who work like me, that's right.
B:Ok
JB:Alright, so I'll see you there tomorrow with my tools fuckface.
<KLIK!>
Dental Malpractice
------------------
<RING>
Woman:Hello, May I help you?
Jerky Boy(with Arab accent):Hello?
W:Hello.
JB:This is dental malpractice?
W:Yes
JB:*SoB*
W:Where did you get our number?
JB:I went to dentist, I went for tooth decay...did awful thing...punch my
teeth out my gum...I cannot talk, I cannot eat...he curse me and hit me...
while I sleeping...And then he put me under, umm...sedation...my pants
unbuttoned...my teeth, gums, dripping blood...I cannot even blow bubbles when
I chew gum, when I drive cab...what de*AAAAGGGHHH!*
W:what?
JB:*DAAAAAAAHHHHH!* help me....
JB:The cab, crushing me... I cry and they curse me, threw me out...ohh
GAAAAAHHHDD! you got to help me...
W:Which dentist is this?
JB:His name...Mr. Rocko...bronx...Mr.Rocko, Louie Rocko...
W:Louie Locko?
JB:Yes, I go there for cab...My tooth hurting, I go in...and then he punch
my teeth...bleeding...and my pants unbuttoned...listen to me...
W:Ok, umm-
JB:*AAAAAAAGGGHHHHH!*
W:can you give me your number?
JB:***-2591
W:***-3590.
JB:yes...tyhen I wake up, my pants unbuttoned...but why they do this thing?
Why?...I come to this country, and then the treatment my people...
W:Ok, What is your name?
JB:My name is Ali Kahmal...
W:Can you spell tha-
JB:*AAAUUUGHHHHHHH!*
W:Why are you screaming?
JB:Teeth..the guy...punched them...and make even the chew popcorn, nothing...
you got to help me allah, I pray to Allah,that somebody help me...dis man must
be stop...
W:Ever call another firm?
JB:No, I call you...
W:Where did you get our number?
JB:From newspaper...
JB:Ok, I'm the too much pain...
W:Ok, bye...
JB:*AAAAAAAHHHHHHH!*
<KLIK!>
Laser Surgery
-------------
<RING>
Woman:Medical office.
Jerky Boy(Woody Allen voice):Can I get, uh..laser treatment?
W:Yes
JB:Right...I got hemmeroids bad, my ass is killin' me.
W:When would you like to come in sir?
JB:AS SOON AS POSSIBLE!
W:This evening?
JB:Do these doctors, are they reputable?...Because this is tearin the ass
outta me!
W:Please use the proper terminology.
JB:But I'm dyin over here!
<KLIK!>
Here's some more of the Jerky Boyz, transcribed by Xavier..
THE EGYPTIAN MAGICIAN
?????????????????????
<[RiNG]>
Lady: Hi there.
Jerky Boy (With EXTREMELY thick arab accent) : Yes, hello.
Lady: Hello?
JB: I call you before, my name is De Egyptian Magician.
L (Disbelivingly) : The Egyptian Magician?
JB: Right. I call, dey tell me to call back in one, er, ten minute.
L: Uhhh, hold on.
<pause>
L: Hi, can I help you? Hi, this is Carol, the night manager.
JB: Yes. My name is Tarbash the Egyptian Magician, I do magic act.
L: Ok, do you want to come in and audition?
JB: What I do, I eat hot coal...
L: That's great!
JB: I st- er, stab customer in eye with saber..
L: Uh-huh.
JB: and I Sic my cat on my performers and it maul dem on stage.
L: Wow.
JB: But in my country dat is consider entertai-
L: Yeah, that's considered magic.
JB: Right.
L: Right.
JB: Ya and den I light poeple on fire but it is, you know, fake. And den I--
L: It's fake
JB: But dat's what I do e- De Egyptian Magician.
L: The Egyptian Magician.
JB: Right. And den for encore I punch my chest and it disapear into crowd.
L: You punch your chest and it disappears in the crowd. That's it?
JB: Yes, my friend.
L: Uh-huh. Um, Well, if you want to stop by, you'd only be able to do two
tricks.
JB: Ok, dat's good enough for me, I'm de best.
L: Ok. Every Wednesday night.
JB: Den I have small er, mountain cat...
L: Mountain cat.
JB: Dat I terrorize people...
L: You terrorize people with a mountain cat? Ok, well, I uh, you'd better not
bring the mountain cat in, for the first time.
JB: Ok.
L: Ok? Um, come by, Qurter to nine, sign up, and see how you do.
JB: Ok, and den for maybe extra bonus I choke some of you s- faculty staff.
L: Yeah, you choke the staff. Ok, whatever...
JB: Ok, den I come out with whip.
L: Yeah, you come out with the whip. Ok, well, stop by and see how the act
goes.
JB: Ok my friend.
L: Ok my friend.
<[KLiK]>
SOL'S GLASSES
?????????????
<[RiNG]>
Man: Hello?
Jerkry boy with Woody Allen-like voice: Hello?
M: Hello.
JB: Yes, I bought glasses there, my name is Sol Rosenburg.
M: Yes?
JB: And my eyes are going crazy!
M: Ok, lemme pull youe record card, hold on a sec.
JB: Ok, thank you.
<pause>
M: Mr. Rosenburg, I don't have a record card on you. Where did you buy
your glasses? Are you sure it was here?
JB: Yes, I did. And-- Do you wear glasses?
M: No. Where'd'ya buy 'em?
JB: Uh, At you're place there.
M: What address did you go to?
JB: It's, It's the one down in the city there; I don't quite remember.
M: Well, there's a lot in the city, and sometimes they get confused, and
I don't have a record card on you. How long ago did you buy 'em here?
JB: About 4 days, and my eyes is going crazy.
M: Mr. Rosenburg, now listen, I don't belive you bought at this office. Now,
I'm the only one here, I _don't_ wear glasses, and it was 4 days ago...
I, um, I would've remembered you. And I don't, and I don't have a record
card on you. Did you go to the Empire State Biulding?
JB: I, I went to the Empire State Biulding, and I can't see so good.
M: You went to see Dr. Ke--
JB: Yeah, but he's an asshole. I couldn't see so good from the Empire State
Biulding.
M: Well, would you like to make an appointment so you can come in and see us?
JB: I went to the observatory, but because of these galsses, I can't _see_ god
dammit!
M: Ok, would you like to come in and see us?
JB: Sure!
M: Ok We're at 30 East 60th Street.
JB: 35 78th Street Ok...
M; No, no, no, we're at thirty....thirty, three-zero....
JB: Ok.
M: East _60th_ Street.
JB: Allright. Should I bring all my glasses with me?
M: Do you need an examination?
JB: And all my glasses
M: Mr. Rosenburg, do you need an examination?
JB: Ok.
M: Do you need an examination?!
JB: Allright.
M: Yeah? Allright. You need an appointment.
JB: Right, and I'll bring all my shoes and my..my glasses with me.
So I have them.
M: Mr. Rosenburg...
JB: Sure.
M: Do you need....Do you want to see the opthomologist?
JB: Right.
M: You need an appointment.
JB: I'm sorry.
M (exasperated) : You need an appointment!
JB: Ok.
M: Ok, hold on and I'll have my girl make you an appointment to see the doctor.
Ok, do you have the address?
JB: Fantastic then.
M: You have the address?
JB: Yes.
M: Where are we?
JB: You're, uh, four, I dunno, what'd'ya say, thirghty-five-eight-seven?
M: No, thirty East 60th Street.
JB: 30 East 60th Street. Ok, thank you.
M: You need an appointment; hold on.
JB: Right.
<pause>
G: Hello?
JB: Hello?
G: Hello.
JB: Barbra?
G: Uh, yes, uh, I, uh, I have to make an appointment with you, sir. Uh, when
would you like to come in?
JB: Whenever you want me to, honey! Whatever's good for you.
G: Uh, you wanna come in tomorrow?
JB: Sure, if you're free.
G: Yes, Ok. Uhh, come in at 12:00.
JB: Okay honey baby. Allright?
G: Yes.
JB: Thank you sweetheart.
G: You're welcome.
JB: Bye-bye.
<[KLiK]>
More to come!
0strich Dox:
The Jerky Boys - Transcripts of Real prank calls by the Boys...
They put out a tape...they call real places, and are really funny...
get the tape!
Auto Mechanic
-------------
<RING>
Arab Guy:Hello
Jerky Boy(Joe Pesci type voice): Hey!, Automechanic.
AG: yeah.
JB:I'm looking for a job.
AG:Ok, you have experience?
JB:7 years
AG:7 years?
JB:Yeah
AG:You have liscense?
JB:I work on race cars.
AG:OK, You have inspection liscense?
JB:Special what?
AG:Inspection liscense, you are inspected.
JB:Inspection, sure, I have all that shit.
AG:Ok, talk to my boss.
AG:I tell him everything, you have seven years experience
JB:Put your boss on, I'll talk to him
Boss:Hello? May I help you?
JB:What about the job?
B:What do you mean, what about the job; are you applying for a job.
JB:That's right tough guy...Yeah, I work on race cars. For 18 years.
B:race cars?
JB:yeah.
B:do you have New York state inspection liscense?
JB:Yes I do!
B:Where you workin' now?
JB:Right now I just hadda leave my job because of differences with my fuckin
boss... I had problems with my boss...
B:Your boss?
JB:Right.
B:Well I'll tell you what, you can come down and see me tomorrow.
JB:Should I bring my fuckin tools?
B:`Scuze me?
JB:Should I bring my tool box?
B:I tell you what, call me tomorrow...excuse me?
JB:Call you when?
B:Call me tomorrow, I don't think you can talk like that here, you can't call
and talk to me like that.
JB:Listen, I'll tell you what I'll do, I'll come down with my tool box
tomorrow and start working.
B:You gonna come down and start work tomorrow?
JB:Yeah
B:No, wait a minute, I gotta hire you first guy.
JB:Well, I'm the best.
B:You're the best?
JB:That's right.
B:Ok..:)
JB:I'm SERIOUS.
B:I know..
JB:I'll work circles around y'all...I'll rap your head in with a
fuckin rachet!
JB:You don't have anybody down there who work like me, that's right.
B:Ok
JB:Alright, so I'll see you there tomorrow with my tools fuckface.
<KLIK!>
Dental Malpractice
------------------
<RING>
Woman:Hello, May I help you?
Jerky Boy(with Arab accent):Hello?
W:Hello.
JB:This is dental malpractice?
W:Yes
JB:*SoB*
W:Where did you get our number?
JB:I went to dentist, I went for tooth decay...did awful thing...punch my
teeth out my gum...I cannot talk, I cannot eat...he curse me and hit me...
while I sleeping...And then he put me under, umm...sedation...my pants
unbuttoned...my teeth, gums, dripping blood...I cannot even blow bubbles when
I chew gum, when I drive cab...what de*AAAAGGGHHH!*
W:what?
JB:*DAAAAAAAHHHHH!* help me....
JB:The cab, crushing me... I cry and they curse me, threw me out...ohh
GAAAAAHHHDD! you got to help me...
W:Which dentist is this?
JB:His name...Mr. Rocko...bronx...Mr.Rocko, Louie Rocko...
W:Louie Locko?
JB:Yes, I go there for cab...My tooth hurting, I go in...and then he punch
my teeth...bleeding...and my pants unbuttoned...listen to me...
W:Ok, umm-
JB:*AAAAAAAGGGHHHHH!*
W:can you give me your number?
JB:***-2591
W:***-3590.
JB:yes...tyhen I wake up, my pants unbuttoned...but why they do this thing?
Why?...I come to this country, and then the treatment my people...
W:Ok, What is your name?
JB:My name is Ali Kahmal...
W:Can you spell tha-
JB:*AAAUUUGHHHHHHH!*
W:Why are you screaming?
JB:Teeth..the guy...punched them...and make even the chew popcorn, nothing...
you got to help me allah, I pray to Allah,that somebody help me...dis man must
be stop...
W:Ever call another firm?
JB:No, I call you...
W:Where did you get our number?
JB:From newspaper...
JB:Ok, I'm the too much pain...
W:Ok, bye...
JB:*AAAAAAAHHHHHHH!*
<KLIK!>
Laser Surgery
-------------
<RING>
Woman:Medical office.
Jerky Boy(Woody Allen voice):Can I get, uh..laser treatment?
W:Yes
JB:Right...I got hemmeroids bad, my ass is killin' me.
W:When would you like to come in sir?
JB:AS SOON AS POSSIBLE!
W:This evening?
JB:Do these doctors, are they reputable?...Because this is tearin the ass
outta me!
W:Please use the proper terminology.
JB:But I'm dyin over here!
<KLIK!>
??????????????????????????????
c.1993 0strich Dox
0strich Dox WHQ (802) 660-9875
Transcribed from:
The Jerky Boys Tape
Johnny B., Lou Gitano & Kamal
Transcribed by:
Xavier and SHARDiK
of 0D
??????????????????????????????
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