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Collection of funny thoughts
A collection of thoughts, sometimes humorous. I couldn't find any collections
of Gulf jokes Lori, but I'm still looking. Also Lori, if you still have
have that transcript of the washington post interview, I didn't get it. If
you have time, could you try my FAX at 857-6127, thanks.
Jack Dean
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Does anyone still use carbon paper?
A person's intelligence is always in inverse proportion to the number of
bumper sticiers on his car.
Considering how marvelously the human body is designed, it's amazing that
there are certain spots on your own back you cannot scratch.
How come the recommended tire pressure in the owner's manual never matches
the one on the tires?
It it weren't for Dobie Gillis reruns, I'm not sure cable would be worth it.
Does throwing ice cubes down the garbage disposal really help sharpen the
blades? Or does it ruin them? It's too late to save myself, but I'd like to
help others.
There are only two types of people in this world: Those who laugh out loud at
the cartoons in The New Yorker and those who wonder what all the laughing is
about. The first type always marries the second type.
How come in the movies they always leave the hotel key at the front desk, but
in real life nobody ever does?
How come first-time callers to radio talk shows feel the urge to tell us they
are first-time callers? Do they get free dishes or what?
Aren't these new yuppie blush wines just the same old ros?s we drank in
college?
Do kids still collect bugs for school? And if so, do they still let ladybugs
go out of compassion?
How come all newborns look like Dwight Eisenhower?
You can tell a lot about a person by whether he still goes "o-o-o-o-o-o-oh"
when he sees fireworks.
Never marry a man who wears a pocket handkerchief.
Don't make fun of Michael Spinks. He got $13 million for getting hit eight
times by Mike Tyson. I see a lot of people walking around who look like they
got hit eight times by Mike Tyson. But they don't have the $13 million to show
for it.
Does anyone know why dog sled drivers yell: "Mush!" And don't tell me it has
something to do with breakfast being the most important meal of the day.
If you don't learn to whistle as a kid, you never will.
Avoid restaurants where the waiters sing happy birthday.
There is no point being on vacation unless you buy at least one silly hat
that you wouldn't be caught dead in when you get back home.
Do women still paint their toenails? Why?
I'll bet the first person to wear Bermuda shorts got laughed at a lot.
Whatever happened to Green Stamps? With just 26 more books I can get a tuba.
I could swear I saw Elvis in David Letterman's audience last week.
People with gas barbecues should be beaten with sticks. Some things are
sacred.
There is not a person in America who really knows if he should get the
collision damage waiver or not.
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