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A shorter nasty horoscope
Ream Vixon's Horrorscope for you!
Aquarius -- Jan. 20 - Feb. 18 -- You have an inventive mind and are
inclined to be careless and impractical causing you to make the same
mistakes repeatedly. Everyone thinks you are a fucking jerk.
***
Pisces -- Feb. 19 - Mar. 20 -- You have a vivid imagination and often
think you are being followed by the FBI or CIA. You have minor influence
over your friends and people resent you for flaunting your power. You lack
confidence and are generally a coward. Pisces people screw small animals
and pick their noses a lot.
***
Aries -- Mar. 21 - Apr. 20 -- You are the pioneer type and hold most
people in contempt. You are quick tempered, impatient and scornful of
advice. You are a prick.
***
Taurus -- Apr. 21 - May 21 -- You are practical and persistent. You have a
dogged determination and work like hell. Most people think you are
stubborn and bull-headed. You are nothing but a Goddamn communist.
***
Gemini -- May 21 - Jun. 20 -- You are a quick and intelligent thinker.
People like you because you are bi-sexual. (Bi-day, bi-night, bi-week,
etc.) However, you are inclined to expect too much for too little. This
means you are a cheap bastard.
***
Cancer -- Jun. 21 - Jul. 22 -- You are sympathetic and understanding to
other people's problems. They think you are a sucker. You are always
putting things off. This is why you will always be on welfare and won't be
worth a shit.
***
Leo -- Jul. 23 - Aug. 22 -- You consider yourself a born leader. Others
think you are pushy. Most Leo's are bullies. You are vain and cannot
tolerate honest criticism. Your arrogance is disgusting. Leo people are
thieving bastards and kiss mirrors a lot.
***
Virgo -- Aug. 23 - Sep. 22 -- You are the logical type and hate disorder.
This nit-picking is sickening to your friends. You are cold and
unemotional and often fall asleep while screwing. Virgo's make good bus
drivers and pimps.
***
Libra -- Sep. 23 - Oct. 22 -- You are the artistic type and have a
difficult time with reality. If you are a male, you are probably queer.
Chances for employment and monetary gains are excellent. Most Libra women
are whores. All Libra's die of venereal disease.
***
Scorpio - Oct. 23 - Nov. 21 -- You are shrewd in business and cannot be
trusted. You shall achieve the pinnacle of success because of your total
lack of ethics. You are a perfect son-of-a-bitch. Most Scorpio's are
murdered.
***
Sagittarius -- Nov. 22 - Dec. 21 -- You are optimistic and enthusiastic.
You have a reckless tendency to rely on luck since you have no talent. The
majority of Sagittarian's are drunks and potheads. People laugh at you a
lot because you are always getting fucked.
***
Capricorn -- Dec. 22 - Jan. 19 -- You are conservative and afraid to take
risks. You are basically chickenshit. There has never been a Capricorn of
any importance. You should kill yourself.
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