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Herman The compulsive liar - Story outline for a v
HERMAN THE COMPULSIVE LIAR
An old man is sitting in a chair with an un-lit cigar in his mouth, he
greets you, saying that his name is Melvin, Herman's twin brother.
Melvin begins telling about how much of a liar Herman is. "Well, it all
started in Kindergarten when..."
5 year old Herman (who looks identical to Melvin) is sitting in Kinder-
garten scribbling on his desk when the teacher storms in, and demands that
the person who defecated in the urinal confess, or the whole class would have
to put thier heads down until the bell rings. Herman turns red, and slumps
down in the seat, and when the teacher notices this, she accuses Herman of
defecating in the urinal, and Herman becomes very frightened, and says that
he was just embarrassed because he saw his blood brother, Melvin defecate in
the urinal. The teacher has never known Herman to lie, and believes him.
Melvin gets sent home. Herman seeing how easy this was, realizes he can get
away with virtually anything simply by lying.
Herman having not quite mastered the art of lying yet when he reaches Jr.
High, decides to lie as much as possible until he can do it just as easily
as he can tell the truth. His teacher asks to see his homework. Herman had
done the homework, but decided to lie instead.
"Sorry, ma'am, but last night when I was abducted by aliens I accidntally
left my homework on the planet Glonk."
The teacher sarcastically tells him that he should call the aliens, and get
them to bring it back so he can turn it in tomorrow. Unfortunately, Herman
thinks she is serious, and that he really pulled off a great lie, furthering
his dedication to lies.
As Herman ages, and enters High School, he realized one day that he can
grow facial hair. This excites Herman so much that he throws up his arms in
an expression of joy, and knocks over a $2,000 computer, breaking it. Over
30 classmates see this happen, so he fakes an epileptic seizure.
In the principal's office his mother comes in, and herman pretends to be
really shaken up by the seizure, and pretends to cry.
The principal gives him a sympathetic look, and says that he won't have to
repay the school for the computer, since it was such a traumatic experience.
Herman doesn't realize that the principal just wants to overspend so the
school will recieve a larger budget margin next year, and thinks that his lie
was his savior.
Herman manages to lie his way through highschool quite skillfully, and then
at his graduation, he gives a speech full of lies, including how his parents
would abuse him when he was young, and he would still push on for academic
superiority. He recieves a standing ovation, and brings tears to the eyes
of the audience.
Herman finally applies for a college, and is accepted. Two guys stand
in a dorm room talking about "The college life" ahead of them, and then they
see the dormatory roster, and see that they are to have another room-mate
named "Herman". They laugh and say "Ha Ha! HERMAN! Sounds like a real
winner! Ya, the HERMINATOR! Hahaha!"
Meanwhile, a cop in a police car on patrol, like on the TV show COPS, is
talking about the crime problem on campus, when he says "Look at what we have
here!" and turns on the siren. He pulls over a car, and the driver happens
to be Herman. The cop drags Herman out of the car through the window, by
the hair, and slams him on the hood. "You've got a broken tail-light here,
boy, what's your name?"
"Melvin," replies Herman
The cop looks at his face then lets go of Herman. "Oh, Melvin Biafra! Oh,
I am so sorry, governor!"
"Well, I'm on my way to an important golf match, so if you don't mind..."
Herman is angered by the police encounter, and trips to the floor when he
enters his dorm for the first time. "Hi Hermo!" say his room-mates, before
giving him a huge wedgie. Herman begins to fake another epileptic siezure,
however, one of them grew up with an epileptic sister, and knew he was faking
so they kick the crap out of him, putting him in the hospital.
Herman and his Girlfriend talk in his hospital room about the old days, and
he shows her his high school yearbook. She reads a fw pages and then says
"Honey, I didn't know you were voted best looking your senior year!"
"Yeah, well, you know..." replies herman, blushing.
"Wait.. It looks like it's written in pen!" she says.
Herman dies as she smears the ink wiht her thumb.
At the Pearl Gates, St. Peter says "Well, it says here that you were a liar
and that makes you a sinner!"
Herman pretends to be surprised and says "That can't be! I have been an
honest god fearing... Ohhh, I know what the problem is, you have me mixed up
with my lying brother Melvin."
St. Peter looks at him, and says "Oh, okay, come on in then."
FIN.
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