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Tanya Harding advertisment, promoting her business
Get frustrated every softball season losing to that same
team with all the big sluggers year in and year out?
Are you tired of always getting beat 6-0, 6-0 by that
arrogant tennis-playing friend of yours with the killer
serve?
Haven't you had enough of that annoying golf buddy who
always seems to shoot in the low 80's against you?
Just tired of always losing to someone better than you?
NO PROBLEM!!!
Let us do the dirty work for you at the
TONYA HARDING CENTER
FOR
OPPONENT NEUTRALIZATION
That's right, for a small fee we can rough up, maim,
dismember, paralyze or even kill that person or persons who
are blocking your path to athletic success.
Check out our price list:
Blow to the knee $ 99.95
Blow to both knees (a better buy) $149.95
Blow to the head $124.95
Knife in the back (tennis players only) $ 49.95
Kick to the groin (male athletes only) $ 9.95
Poking out one eye $ 49.95
Poking out both eyes (three stooges style) $ 79.95
Gun shot to the knee $199.95
Gun shot to both knees $299.95
Gun shot to the head $499.95
Impalement in a public place $999.95
Remember WEDNESDAYS are bonus days. Order one act of
violence and receive another at 50 percent off!
With every order over $300.00, you automatically receive a
collapsible hard-plastic baton personally signed by Tonya
herself - just like the one used to beat the crap out of
Nancy Kerrigan.
Order now and receive absolutely free the Lorena Bobbitt
Home Castration Kit. Sex-crazed husband not included.
To order, call toll-free at 1-800-JUST-WIN.
Tonya Harding Center for Opponent Neutralization is a equal
opportunity employer.
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