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An appropriate response to Make Money Fast posts
Found this response to the "Make Mony Fast" post on the internet. Seemed
appropriate to repost.
From: [email protected] (Rob Wheeler)
TO: <<offending address>>
Dear:
[ ] sir [X] clueless one [ ] twit [ ] great man on campus
[ ] madam [ ] dweeb [ ] newbie twerp [ ] comrade
[ ] kid [ ] <AHEM!> [ ] [email protected] [ ] whatever you are...
[ ] Elvis [ ] moon beam [ ] boor [ ] Obergruppenfuehrer
[ ] citoyen [ ] Geek [ ] cur [ ] evolutionary throwback
[ ] B1FF [ ] D00D!!! [ ] Neanderthal [ ] other
I took exception to your (CASH FAST___) recent post
(name)
It was (check all that apply):
_X_ lame.
_X_ stupid.
_X_ pointless.
___ tasteless.
_X_ much longer than any worthwhile thought of which you may be capable.
___ much longer than your attention span will permit coherence for.
Your attention is drawn to the fact that:
___ your post/mail originated on FidoNet.
___ your post/mail originated on Delphi.
___ your post/mail originated on America On-Line.
___ your post/mail originated on MCSnet.
_X_ your post contained commercial advertising.
THE FINE FOR THIS IS $20.
___ you continued a boring useless stupid thread.
___ you quoted someone's whole article.
___ just so you could add 'me too!'
___ and added absolutely nothing.
___ except your .sig file.
___ and added meaningless gibberish.
___ specifically, your .sig file.
___ you repeatedly _________ incoherent, flaky, and mindless threads.
___ initiated.
___ continued.
___ you posted a piece riddled with profanities.
___ used improperly.
___ and they weren't even used in an original or creative way.
___ apparently, merely to be offensive.
_X_ you posted some sort of crap that doesn't belong in this group.
___ again.
___ and it was boring.
___ the first time.
_X_ you posted the inanely stupid 'Make Money Fast' article.
___ you predicted the "Death of Internet(tm)".
___ from delphi.com.
___ from AOL.com.
___ from FIDOnet.
___ you advocated Net censorship.
___ you run a munchkin campaign and we don't want to hear about it.
___ you made a bigoted statement(s).
_X_ you repeatedly assumed unwarranted moral or intellectual superiority.
_X_ you are under the misapprehension that this group is your preserve.
___ you were unnecessarily mean/cruel/personal in your postings.
___ you repeatedly shown lack of humor.
___ you are apparently under compulsion to post to every thread.
___ you are posting an anonymous attack.
_X_ what you posted/said has been done before.
(Mark only if above checked)
_X_ Not only that, it was also done better the last time.
___ your post was a pathetic imitation of ______________________.
(list member)
_X_ your post referred to a newsgroup as a Board, BBoard, or BBS.
___ your post contained numerous spelling errors.
___ your post contained multiple grammatical errors.
___ YOUR POST CONTAINED EXCESSIVE CAPITALIZATION AND/OR PUNCTUATION!!!!!
___ your post was an obvious forgery.
(Mark only if above checked)
___ It was done clumsily.
___ you have a lame login name.
_X_ you tried to perpetuate a chain letter.
(Mark only if above checked.)
_X_ Involving money.
___ your machine has a stupid name.
___ you don't know what you're talking about.
_X_ you included blatantly false information about
___ the latest cause of the month.
_X_ the current repetition of a thread that has been repeating itself
_X_ weekly.
___ daily.
___ monthly.
_X_ and I've seen it before.
_X_ and it was proven false.
___ yesterday.
___ last week.
_X_ repeatedly.
___ and you posted it last time.
___ And it was better done the last time.
___ Involving
___ a conspiracy involving
___ organized religion.
___ Christian.
___ LDS or RLDS.
___ Protestant.
___ Catholic.
___ Baptist or offshoot thereof.
___ other ______________.
___ government.
___ US.
___ Current President.
___ Relatives of current president.
___ Congress.
___ state.
___ governmental agency.
___ specifically _______________
___ all.
___ involving JFK.
___ all.
___ other ______________
___ _________________, involving Elvis.
___ some specific religious leader.
___ Brigham Young.
___ the pope.
___ other Mormon.
___ other.
_X_ you tried to get people to send mail to add their names to a petition.
___ you quoted an article/letter in followup and added no new text.
___ you misquoted/quoted out of context.
(Mark only if above checked)
___ And you asked if someone would tell you where to find them.
___ And you offered to trade site addresses.
___ And you tried to explain that pirating games is really, in
fact, beneficial to the software industry.
___ And you asked for help breaking copy protection.
___ And it is obvious that you are incapable of contributing to
such a feat yourself.
___ And you want someone else to do it FOR you.
___ And you want someone else to provide you with an illegal copy
of the software in question so you can demonstrate your
"cracking expertise" by downloading a publicly accessable
crack and applying it.
___ you used catchphrases from popular literature, attempting to appear
knowledgable and/or a "R3A1 |<001 D00D".
___ you quoted from a "cyberpunk" magazine, such as WIRED, on a topic
inappropriate for the group.
(Mark only if any of the above 6 are checked)
___ And you used far more exclamation points than really necessary or
justifiable.
___ And you made yourself look stupid in front of the whole world.
___ And you claimed to speak for your generation.
___ And, despite obviously being (pre?)pubescent, claimed to speak for
"Generation X".
___ And you referred to Internet as "cyberspace".
___ And you posted with information pertaining to the latest "in"
crisis to a newsgroup in no way associated with the matter at
hand.
(Mark only if above checked)
___ And from your posting, it can be deduced that you have NO IDEA
WHATSOEVER about that which you post regarding.
___ you quoted an article/letter in followup and only added ___ lines
of text.
___ you flamed someone who:
___ has been around far longer than you.
___ who has proven themselves far more intelligent and witty than you.
___ who stated that they were expressing their own oppinions
in the same post that they expressed said oppinions in.
___ your lines are 80 columns wide or wider.
___ and your editor
___ wrapped them, making them difficult to read.
___ truncated them, making them nigh unto IMPOSSIBLE to read.
___ your .sig is longer than four lines.
(Mark only if above checked)
___ And your mailer truncated it.
___ your .sig is ridiculous because (check all that apply):
___ it was inserted in a posting you made "anonymously" through
penet.fi.
___ you listed ___ snail mail address(es).
(Mark only if above checked)
___ you listed a nine-digit ZIP code.
___ you listed ___ phone numbers for people to use in prank calls.
___ you included a stupid disclaimer.
___ your made an attempt being witty.
___ And it failed.
___ Miserably.
___ you included:
(Mark all that apply)
___ a stupid self-quote.
___ a stupid quote from a net.nobody.
___ a Rush Limbaugh quote.
___ an Adolf Hitler quote.
___ a Dan Quayle joke.
___ a reference to Beavis & Butthead.
___ lame ASCII graphic(s) (Choose all that apply):
___ USS Enterprise
___ Australia
___ The Amiga logo
___ Company logo
(Mark only if above also)
___ and you stated that you don't speak for your employer.
___ Bicycle
___ Bart Simpson
___ Other
Furthermore:
___ You have greatly misunderstood the purpose of ______________.
_X_ You have greatly misunderstood the purpose of this newsgroup.
_X_ You have greatly misunderstood the purpose of Internet.
___ You are a loser.
_X_ *plonk*
___ You must have spent your entire life in a Skinner box to be this
clueless.
___ This has been pointed out to you before.
(Check only if above marked)
___ Twice.
___ More than twice.
___ And you responded, so obviously you've been so informed.
___ You appear to be a raving lunatic.
___ You appear to be a idiot.
It is recommended that you:
(Mark all that apply)
___ stick to FidoNet and come back when you've grown up.
___ find a volcano and throw yourself in.
___ get a gun and shoot yourself.
___ stop reading ____________ and get a life.
___ stop sending email and get a life.
___ Give up on Internet and get a life.
___ return to 5th grade and learn how to spell.
___ learn to type.
___ grow up or go home.
___ consume excrement.
___ consume excrement and thus expire.
_X_ just DROP DEAD!
_X_ in an interesting way.
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