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The King Lives!
A History of Elvis
Elvis has existed for many billions of years. Before the universe, there was Elvis. Before God, te was Elvis. After the world ends, there will still be Elvis. Elvis created the universe and Elvswll decide when it ends. Elvis is life, and life is Elvis. Without Elvis there would be no time bt efore time there was Elvis
Elvis has made many appearences since he created to universe. A statue on Easter Island was erectey space aliens that apparently worshipped him(just like many intelligent beings do). A hidden mesaeexplains that he was an entertainer of some sort. Elvis was spotted in ancient Rome as a wanderngMistrel(Elvisius). He was spotted and photographed in Tibetan monastery in the early 1930?s. Apeaenty, he was entertaining them with some prayers(???). He made his most well-known as the firs roc ?n?roller. This is where he gained his current level of popularity.
However, Elvis?s popularity did not begin in the 1950?s with modern day rock. It has been proven t a sect of the Aztec religion worshipped Elvis. He wasn?t known as Elvis back then, he had a diffrn name(I couldn?t translate it correctly). A small number of decendants from this Aztec sect stil iv on in the Pacific side of Peru. Elvis was worshipped by natives of Easter Isle that were conertd b a group of space aliens(I think it?s pronounced Zannorks).
Elvis has been spotted by many true believers on this planet. Some of these accounts are true, whisome are not. Some people say that Elvis?s body should be dug up and examined. This would prove ohng because Elvis is eternal. That one of his forms might be dead, but all he had to do was creae nw one. After all, he created the universe, he had no problem with a new body, especially one s smpl as a human one.
Elvis is a major force in the universe. Using my techniches, you can learn to communicate with Elvs(or whaterver name he?s going by now) psychic form and use his power to your advantage.
How to obtain the power of Elvis
Many people feel that you have to enjoy Elvis?s music to reap Elvis?s blessings. This is not so. is?s music has changed a lot over the eons, but always has been fashionable. In Roman times, he wsavery popular minstrel. Since all music is a result of Elvis, any popular music will do for a comuio. The result of your communion will depend on the type of music you play during your ceremony Seedmetal may bring on a war-god form of Elvis while a ballad will probably bring on a love-god lvis
Start by putting on headphones and playing the music of your choice. It should be a non-stop type ording so you won?t get distracted. Turn up the volume as loud as it will go. Find a comfortablepae to sit or lie. Close your eyes and concentrate on the face of the most recent incarnation ofElisthat you?ve seen. If you truly believe, He will come to you and talk. Not physically talk, bt tlk nto your mind using telepathy. Elvis is a god and he will know if you TRULY believe. It?s har exprience to relate, you just have to have it happen to you.
Using Elvis as a guide, you can achive virtually anything you want in life. Love, power, money, et. can be all yours if you TRULY believe. If you ever give up faith and deny Elvis, you will end u ose than you started.
The 10 Commandments given to me by Elvis
1: Thou shall not use my name, Elvis, in vain
2: Do not attempt to immitate my looks
3: Do whatever Jon Roig(my high-priest) tells you
4: Allways obey commandments 3 and 8
5: Thou shall not listen to rap
6: Thou shall have no other god or goddess(?cept maybe Christy Brinkley)
7: There is no commandment 7(I?m running out)
8: Send ALL your money to Jon Roig
9: Read Snale Killa? Fanzine(my official mag)
10: Fuck ?em if they don?t believe in the great Elvis
Follow these commandments and you will have unlimited access to the power of Elvis.
My explanation for the absence of some major commandments like "Thou shall not kill" is that Elvis ld care less. I think he sees the reason in killing someone if they have wronged you. In his eye,te music is important and nothing else matters. If they deny you music, they must die. That doen' man you should ritually sacrifice a teacher 'cuz they took away your walkman. Never kill an anmalwitout consulting with Him first. He may have a need for the animal that you don't or cannot udersand. As you see, Elvis is a strange and wonderful god who gives equal access to all his followers, as loas they are true to him and have a love for music. Follow his simple commandments('specially #4) n ou will gain unlimited power. Enjoy...
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