|
|
 |
|
|
|
register |
bbs |
search |
rss |
faq |
about
|
|
|
meet up |
add to del.icio.us |
digg it
|
|
|
|
Why Cucumbers are Better than Men
WHY CUCUMBERS ARE BETTER THAN MEN
- the average cucumber is at least seven inches long
- cucumbers stay hard for a week
- a cucumber won't tell you size doesn't count
- cucumbers don't get too excited
- a cucumber never suffers from performance anxiety
- cucumbers are easy to pick up
- you can fondle cucumbers in a supermarket
- ... and you know how firm it is before you take it home
- you only eat cucumbers when you feel like it
- no matter how you slice it, you can always have your cuke and eat it too
- cucumbers can get away any weekend
- with a cucumber you can get a single room
- ... and you won't have to check in as "Mrs." Cucumber
- a cucumber will always respect you in the morning
- you can go to movie with a cucumber ... and see the movie
- at a drive-in, you can stay in the front seat
- a cucumber can alwsays wait until you get home
- a cucumber won't eat all the popcorn or send you out to get Milk Duds
- a cucumber won't drag you to a John Wayne Film Festival
- a cucumber won't ask "Am I the first?"
- cucumbers don't care if you are a virgin
- cucumbers won't tell other cucumbers you're a virgin
- cucumbers won't tell anyone you're not a virgin
- with cucumbers, you don't have to be a virgin more than once
- cucumbers won't write your name and number on the men's room wall
- cucumbers don't have sex hangups
- cucumbers won't make you wear kinky clothes or go to bad with your boots on
- cucumbers aren't into leathers and chains, talking dirty, or swinging
with fruits and nuts
- you can have as many cucumbers as you can handle
- cucumbers never need a round of applause
- cucumbers won't ask:
Am I the best?
How was it?
Did you come? How many times?
- cucumbers aren't jealous of your gynecologist, ski/tennis instructors
- a cucumber won't want to join your support group
- a cucumber never wants to improve your mind
- cucumbers aren't into meaningful conversations
- cucumbers won't ask about your last lover or speculate about your next one
- a cucumber will never make a scene because there are other cucumbers in
the refrigerator
- a cucumber won't mind hiding in the refrigerator when your mother comes over
- no matter what age group you are in, you can always get a fresh cucumber
- cucumbers can handle rejection
- a cucumber won't pout if you have a headache
- a cucumber won't care what time of the month it is
- a cucumber never wants to get it on when your nails are wet
- with a cucumber, you never have to say you're sorry
- cucumbers don't leave whisker burns, fall asleep on your chest, or drool on
the pillow
- cucumbers won't give you a hickey
- cucumbers can stay up all night, and you won't have to sleep in the wet spot
- Afterwards, a cucumber won't:
want to shake hands and be friends
say, "I'll call you a cab."
tell you he's not the marrying kind
tell you he is the marrying kind
call his mother, ex-wife, or therapist
take you to confesion
- cucumbers don't leave you wondering for a month
- a cucumber won't make you go to the drugstore
- cucumbers won't tell you a vasectomy will ruin it for him
- a cucumber a day keeps the ob-gyn away
- a cucumber won't work your crossword with ink
- a cucumber isn't allergic to your cat
- with a cucumber, you don't have to play Florence Nightingale during the
flu season
- cucumbers never asnwer your phone or borrow your car
- a cucumber won't consume all your food or liquors
- a cucumber doesn't turn your bathroom into a library
- cucumbers won't go through your medicine chest
- a cucumber doesn't use your toothbrush, roll-on, or hairspray
- cucumbers don't leave dirty shorts on the floor
- cucumbers won't leave hair on the sink or a ring in the tub
- a cucumber never forgets to flush the toilet
- a cucumber doesn't flush the toilet while you are taking a shower
- with a cucumber, the toilet seat is always the way you left it
- cucumbers don't compare you to a centerfold
- cucumbers can't count to "10"
- cucumbers don't tell you they like you better with longer hair
- a cucumber will never leave you
for another woman
for another man
for another cucumber
- a cucumber will never call and say, "I have to work late, honey." and then
come home with the smell of Channel No a 19 on him
- a cucumber never snaps your bra, or pinches your butt
- you always know where YOUR cucumber has been
- you won't find out later that your cucumber:
is married
is on penicillin or have AIDS
likes you, but loves your brother
- a cucumber never has to call "the wife"
- cucumbers never have mid-life crisis
- a cucumber doesn't have softball practice on the day you move
- cucumbers never have to tell you what they did while on vacation
- cucumbers don't care if you make more money than they do
- a cucumber won't wear shorts to your office party
- you don't have to wait until halftime to talk to your cucumber
- a cucumber won't leave town on New Year's Eve
- a cucumber won't take you to a disco and dump you for a flashy blonde
- cucumbers never want to take you home to mom
- a cucumber doesn't care if you always spend the holidays with your family
- a cucumber won't ask to be put through Medical school
- a cucumber won't tell you he's outgrown you intellectually
- cucumbers never expect you to have little cucumbers
- a cucumber won't say "Let's keep trying until we have a boy."
- a cucumber won't insist the little cukes be raised catholic, jewish, or
orthodox vegetarian
- it's easy to drop a cucumber
- a cucumber will never contest a divorce, demand a property settlement,
or seek custody of anything
|
|
|
To the best of our knowledge, the text on this page may be freely reproduced and distributed.
If you have any questions about this, please check out our Copyright Policy.
totse.com certificate signatures
|
|
|
About | Advertise | Bad Ideas | Community | Contact Us | Copyright Policy | Drugs | Ego | Erotica
FAQ | Fringe | Link to totse.com | Search | Society | Submissions | Technology
|
|
|
|
|
|
