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Some fortune cookie sayings

186,000 miles per second :: It isn't just a good idea, it's the law !!

A bachelor is a man whom women are still sampling.

A bee is the debauchee of dews. --Emily Dickinson

A closed mouth gathers no feet.

A conclusion is simply the place where you got tired of thinking.

A cynic is only a frustrated optimist.

A fanatic is one who can't change his mind, and won't change the subject.

A friend asks only for your time, not your money.

A guy has to be fresh once in a while so a girl doesn't lose her confidence.

A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

A horse may be forced to drink but a pencil must be lead.

A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. --Lao Tzu

A king's castle is his home.

A lie in time saves nine.

A lost ounce of gold may be found, a lost moment of time never.

A man who turns green has eschewed protein.

A member of your family will do something that will make you proud.

A mouse is an elephant built by the Japanese.

A plucked goose doesn't lay golden eggs.

A professor is one who talks in someone else's sleep.

A stitch in time saves nine.

A truly wise man never plays leapfrog with a unicorn.

Acting is an art which consists of keeping the audience from coughing.

After all is said and done, usually more is said than done.

Alimony is your cash surrender value to your spouse.

All requests for sick leave must be approved two weeks in advance.

All that glitters has a high refractive index.

Allocate four digits for the year part of a date: a new millennium is near.

Always keep a record of data -- it indicates you've been working.

An atheist is a man with no invisible means of support.

An elephant is a mouse built to Mil-spec.

An engineer is someone who does list processing in Fortran.

An expert is someone from out of town.

An idea is not responsible for the people who believe in it.

Arithmetic is being able to count up to 20 without taking off your shoes.

Artists are never Puritans and seldom even respectable. --H. L. Mencken

As far as we know, our computer has never had an undetected error.

As scarce as truth is, the supply has always exceeded the demand.

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

Avoid Asymmetry.

Basic is a high level languish.

Basic research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.

Be a better psychiatrist and the world will beat a psychopath to your door.

Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clear to the bone.

Beauty seldom recommends one woman to another.

Behind every argument is someone's ignorance.

Belief is thought at rest.

Between two evils, I always pick the one I haven't ever tried. --Mae West.

Beware of all enterprises that require new clothes. --Thoreau

Beware of programmers who carry screwdrivers.

Beware of quantum ducks: quark, quark.

Bigamy is carrying respectability to a criminal extreme.

Bore: A person who talks when you wish him to listen.

Brevity is the soul of lingerie. --Dorothy Parker

Broadmindedness is highmindedness flattened out by experience.

Business is like oil, it won't mix with anything but business.

By failing to prepare, you are preparing to fail.

By following the good, you learn to be good.

Character is built upon the rubble of dreams.

Cheap things are of no value, valuable things are not cheap.

Cheese is milk's great leap toward immortality. --Clifton Fadiman

Clones are people two.

Cloning is the sincerest form of flattery.

COBOL programs are an exercise in Artificial Inelegance.

COLE's LAW - Thinly sliced cabbage.

Common sense is very uncommon.

Conservatism begins with the purchase of a house and the birth of a child.

Conversation enriches understanding, but solitude is the school of genius.

Courage is doing what you're afraid to do. --Eddie Rickenbacker

Courage is grace under pressure. --Ernest Hemmingway

Creditors have much better memories than debtors.

Debt is the certain outcome of an uncertain income.

Def: Recursive, adj.; see Recursive

Deprive a mirror of its silver and even the Czar won't see his face.

Details count.

Diplomacy is the art of saying "nice doggy" until you can find a rock.

Disco is to music what Etch-A-Sketch is to art.

Distant water does not put out a fire.

Do it today. Tomorrow it will be illegal.

Do not clog intellect's sluices with knowledge of questionable uses.

Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?

Don't believe it until you can eat it or spend it.

Don't bite my finger, look where it's pointing.

Don't debug standing up. It cuts your patience in half.

Don't include a sentence in documentation if its negation is obviously false

Don't keep doing what doesn't work.

Don't let the light of your life be the light in the refrigerator.

Don't make the user provide information that the system already knows.

Don't panic.

Don't use a computer to do things that can be done efficiently by hand.

Don't use hands to do things that can be done efficiently by the computer.

Don't worry if you're a kleptomaniac, you can always take something for it.

Don't write a new program if one already does more or less what you want.

Draw your salary before spending it.

Drilling for oil is boring.

Drop the vase and it will become a Ming of the past.

Each new user of a new system uncovers a new class of bugs.

Easy to use is easy to say.

Economy makes men independent.

Eighty Percent of all input forms ask questions they have no business asking

Electricity travels a foot in a nanosecond.

Entropy isn't what it used to be.

Eschew Clever Rules.

Even a hawk is an eagle among crows.

Even the boldest zebra fears the hungry lion.

Even the smallest candle burns brighter in the dark.

Every purchase has its price.

Every time I lose weight, it finds me again!

Everyone complains of his memory, no one of his judgement.

Everyone hates me because I'm paranoid.

Everything bows to success, even grammar.

Expect a promotion soon. A promoter will call upon you.

Experience is the name everyone gives to their mistakes. -Oscar Wilde

Faith goes out the window when beauty comes in at the door.

Familiarity breeds contempt -- and children. -Mark Twain

For success today, look first to yourself.

Fortune Cookie says: Don't look back, always look ahead.

Fortune truly helps those who are of good judgement.

Friction is a drag.

Friendship is one soul in two bodies.

From listening comes wisdom, from speaking comes repentance.

Fruit flies like an apricot. Time flies like an arrow.

Furious Activity is no substitute for understanding.

Give a speculator an inch and he'll build a condo.

Give a woman an inch and she'll park a car in it.

God does not play dice with the universe.

God gives us relatives; thank God we can choose our friends.

God made the integers; all else is the work of Man.

Going the speed of light is bad for your age.

Good judgement comes from experience. Experience comes from bad judgement.

He is no lawyer who cannot take two sides.

He is truly wise, who gains wisdom from another's mishap.

He that will not command his thoughts will soon lose command of his actions.

He was so crooked he could hide behind a corkscrew.

He was so narrow-minded he could see through a keyhole with two eyes.

He who always plows a straight furrow is in a rut.

He who falls in love with himself will have no rivals.

He who has a shadowy past knows that nice guys finish last.

He who has imagination but no learning has wings but no feet.

He who hesitates is last.

He who is good for making excuses is seldom good for anything else.

He who laughs last probably doesn't understand the joke.

Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

Heard on Noahs'ark: Sailing is fun, but scrubbing the decks is aardvark.

Heisenburg may have slept here.

Help! I'm trapped inside an IBM-PC!

His life was formal; his actions seemed ruled with a ruler.

History books which contain no lies are extremely dull.

Hummingbirds never remember the words to songs.

Hush! Hush! Secret! I came from a fortune cookie factory.

I can feel it. My mind. It's going, Dave. I can feel it.

I despise the pleasure of despising people whom I despise.

I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.

I do not like work even when another person does it. -Mark Twain

I fear explanations explanatory of things explained.

I like work. It fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.

I must have slipped a disk. My pack hurts.

I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not so sure.

I've given up reading books; I find it takes my mind off myself.

Idleness is the holiday of fools.

If a system doesn't have to be reliable, it can do anything else.

If at first you don't succeed, redefine success.

If at first you don't succeed, you're doing about average.

If everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane!

If I want your opinion, I'll ask you to fill out the necessary form.

If it ain't broke, don't fix it.

If it is not there, it does not exist.

If it pours before seven, it has rained by eleven.

If it screams, it's not food.

If one word does not succeed, ten thousand are of no avail.

If rabbits feet are so lucky, what happened to the rabbit?

If the code and the comments disagree, then both are probably wrong.

If the Lord had meant us to fly, He would have given us aluminum skin.

If this is timesharing, give me my share right now.

If we can't fix it, it ain't broke.

If you believe in gambling in the end you will sell your house.

If you can't write it down in English, you can't code it.

If you continually give you will continually have.

If you find yourself in a hole: quit digging.

If you have nothing to do, don't do it here.

If you have too many special cases, you are doing it wrong.

If you lie to the computer, it will get you.

If you plan to throw one away, you will throw away two.

If you see an onion ring - answer it!

If you suspect a man, don't employ him.

If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything. -Mark Twain

If you wish to keep a secret from an enemy, tell it not to a friend.

If you wish to succeed, consult three old people.

If you're not part of the solution, then you're part of the precipitate.

If your desires are not extravagant they will be granted.

Imagination is more important than knowledge.

In jealousy there is more self-love than love.

Individualists unite!

Inside every large program there lurks a small one screaming to get out.

Integrity is praised, and starves.

Is a computer language with goto's totally Wirth-less?

It always takes longer than you expect.

It has just been discovered that research causes cancer in rats.

It is a poor judge who cannot award a prize.

It is better to wear out than to rust out.

It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.

It is easier to run down a hill than up one.

It is far better to be deceived than to be undeceived by those we love.

It is fortune, and not wisdom, that rules a man's life.

It is easiest to suggest solutions when you know nothing about the problem

It is often better not to see an insult than to avenge it.

It is the wise bird who builds his nest in a tree.

It seems like the less a statesman amounts to, the more he loves the flag.

It takes both a weapon, and two people, to commit a murder.

It was a book to kill time for those who liked it better dead.

It's a poor workman who blames his tools.

It's not reality that's important, but how you perceive things.

It's sweet to be remembered, but it's often cheaper to be forgotten.

Joseph Stalin's grave was a Communist Plot.

Lend money to a bad debtor and he will hate you.

Let a fool hold his tongue and he will pass for a sage.

Let he who takes the plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.

Let not the sands of time get in your lunch.

Life is the art of drawing sufficient conclusions from insufficient premises

Like winter snow on summer lawn, time past is time gone.

LISP programmers know the value of everything but the cost of nothing.

Lonely is a man without love.

Love and scandal are the best sweeteners of tea.

Love is nothing but Sex misspelt.

Love is sentimental measles.

Love the sea? I dote on it--from the beach.

Make a wish, it might come true.

Make new friends but keep the old; one is silver and the other's gold.

Man and wife make one fool.

Man who falls in vat of molten optical glass makes spectacle of self.

Man's horizons are bounded by his vision.

Many a family tree needs trimming.

Many are called, few are chosen. Fewer still get to do the choosing.

Many are cold, but few are frozen.

Marriage is the only adventure open to the cowardly. --Voltaire

Maryland has the best politicians money can buy.

Matrimony is the root of all evil.

Mediocrity finds safety in standardization.

Men are not punished for their sins, but by them.

Men seldom show dimples to girls who have pimples.

Misery loves company, but company does not reciprocate.

Mistakes are oft the stepping stones to failure.

Monday: In Christian countries, the day after the football game.

Money cannot buy love, nor even friendship.

Money will say more in moment than the most eloquent lover can in years.

More haste, less speed.

Neutrinos have bad breadth.

Never call a man a fool; borrow from him.

Never drink from your finger bowl--it contains only water.

Never hit a man with glasses; hit him with your fist.

Never say you know a man until you have divided an inheritance with him.

New truths begin as heresies and end as superstitions.

Nice guys finish last. --Leo Durocher

No amount of careful planning will ever replace dumb luck.

No amount of genius can overcome a preoccupation with detail.

No good deed goes unpunished for long.

No man can be a patriot on an empty stomach.

No one can feel as helpless as the owner of a sick goldfish.

No one is completely worthless. They can always serve as a bad example.

No problem is so formidable that you can't just walk away from it.

Nobody can be as agreeable as an uninvited guest.

Nothing in life is so exhilarating as to be shot at without result.

Nothing is impossible until it is sent to a committee.

Nothing worthwhile ever arrives by mail.

Now and then an innocent man is sent to the legislature.

Of all forms of caution, caution in love is the most fatal.

Oh, it's you.

On a clear disk you can seek forever.

One family builds a wall, two families enjoy it.

One man tells a falsehood, a hundred repeat it as true.

Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain.

People will buy anything that's one to a customer.

People will laugh at you, but let that not prevent you.

People with narrow minds usually have broad tongues.

Plan to throw one away, you will anyhow.

Please all, and you will please none.

Preserve the old, but know the new.

Pride invites calamity, but humility reaps its harvest.

Promptness is its own reward, if one lives by the clock instead of the sword

Put not your trust in money, but put your money in trust.

Put your brain in gear before starting your mouth.

Raise ducks for quack profit.

Raising pet electric eels is gaining a lot of current popularity.

Reality does not exist - yet.

Reality is for people who can't face science fiction.

Remember, the paper is always strongest at the perforations.

Reputation: what others are not thinking about you.

Santa's elves are just a bunch of subordinate Clauses.

Satire does not look pretty upon a tombstone.

Schizophrenia beats being alone.

Science clears the field upon which technology can build.

Shouldn't you be doing something useful?

Sin has many tools, but a lie is the handle which fits them all.

Small programs are for small minds.

Smile! It makes people wonder what you've been up to.

Some men are discovered; others are found out.

Some rise by sin and some by virtue fall.

Somewhere, something incredible is waiting to be known.

Sorry - the Cookie Monster got here first.

Speech is the art of stifling and suspending thought. --Carlyle

Standing on head makes smile of frown, but rest of face also upside down.

Swap read error. You lose your mind.

Take care of the luxuries and the necessities will take care of themselves.

Talk is a substitute for creative work--and its worst enemy.

Taxes are not levied for the benefit of the taxed.

Testing can show the presence of bugs, but not their absence.

That must be wonderful! I don't understand it at all.

The attacker must vanquish; the defender need only survive.

The best laid schemes o'mice and men gang aft a-gley.

The best prophet of the future is the past.

The best way to keep your friends is not to give them away.

The cost of feathers has risen.... Now even down is up!

The death of the poet is kept from his poems. --W. H. Auden.

The earth is like a tiny grain of sand, only much, much heavier.

The fastest I/O is no I/O.

The first rule of intelligent tinkering is to save all the parts.

The first rule of program optimization - Don't do it.

The first thing I do in the morning is brush my teeth and sharpen my tongue.

The fish that escaped is the big one.

The generation of random numbers is too important to be left to chance.

The gent who wakes up and finds himself a success hasn't been asleep.

The greatest enemy of the neck is the tongue.

The heart is wiser than the intellect.

The ideal wife is the woman who has an ideal husband.

The latest thing in clothes is the girl you've been looking for.

The light at the end of the tunnel is probably an oncoming train.

The light of a hundred stars does not equal the light of the moon.

The minute a man is convinced he is interesting, he isn't.

The next dreadful thing to a battle lost is a battle won.

The only rose without thorns is friendship.

The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it. -Oscar Wilde

The plural of spouse is spice.

The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.

The purpose of computing is insight, not numbers.

The second rule of program optimization, for experts only - Don't do it yet.

The sooner you fall behind, the more time you have to catch up.

The sooner you start to code, the longer the program will take.

The value of knowledge lies not in its accumulation, but in its utilization.

The weed of crime bears bitter fruit.

The wise shepherd never trusts his flock to a smiling wolf.

There are more old drunkards than old doctors.

There are more ways of killing a cat than choking her with cream.

There is always someone worse off than yourself.

There is many a good man to be found under a shabby hat.

There is no fear in love, but perfect love casteth out fear.

There is no free lunch.

There is no problem a good miracle can't solve.

There's at least one fool in every married couple.

There's no future in time travel.

There's so much to say, but your eyes keep interrupting me.

Things are more like they used to be than they are now.

This is a fill in the blank message: _______________________________.

This is tomorrow's message.

This is yesterday's message.

This sentence no verb.

Those of you who think you know everything are annoying those of us who do.

Those who are prospering do not argue about taxes.

Those who can, do; those who can't, simulate.

Three can keep a secret, if two are dead.

Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like a banana.

Time is nature's way of making sure that everything doesn't happen at once.

Time: That which tries to prevent everything happening at once.

To be trusted is a greater compliment than to be loved.

To give happiness is to deserve happiness.

To iterate is human, to recurse is divine.

To keep your friends treat them kindly; to kill them treat them often.

To laugh at men of sense is the privilege of fools.

To profit from good advice requires more sense than to give it.

To refuse praise is to seek praise twice.

To save a single life is better than to build a seven-story pagoda.

Traveler, there is no path. Paths are made by walking.

True happiness will be found only in true love.

Truth is more likely to emerge from error than from confusion.

Twenty percent of all input forms filled out by people contain bad data.

Two can live as cheaply as one, for half as long.

Vitamin C deficiency is apauling.

Walt Disney is in suspended animation.

We prefer to speak evil of ourselves than not to speak of ourselves at all.

We promise according to our hopes and perform according to our fears.

We read to say that we have read.

What a strange game. The only winning move is not to play.

What a stupid password!

What orators lack in depth they make up for in length.

What this country needs is a dime that will buy a good five-cent bagel.

When God endowed human beings with brains, He did not guarantee them.

When in doubt, use brute force.

When the wind is great, bow before it; When the wind is heavy, yield to it.

When you get there, there's no there there.

When you go out to buy, don't show your silver.

Whenever I feel like exercise, I lie down until the feeling passes.

Where there's a will, there's an inheritance tax.

Wisdom and good sense guard life from harm.

Wisdom is knowing thyself--and not telling anyone.

Wisdom is knowing what to do with what you know.

Wit is a dangerous weapon with which you can stab yourself in the back.

With a mind like yours, who needs a body?

With clothes the new are best, with friends the old are best.

Without fools there would be no wisdom.

Without health you cannot enjoy wealth or happiness.

Women are a country's wild life and morality its game laws.

Words are the voice of the heart.

Words must be weighed, not counted.

Worth seeing? Yes, but not worth going to see.

Xerox never comes up with anything original.

You are just in time to be too late.

You are magnetic in your bearing.

You can always tell a Texan, but you can never tell him very much.

You can't get there from here.

You cannot kill time without injuring eternity.

You cannot propel yourself forward by patting yourself on the back.

You don't have mail.

You may already have won a million dollars.

You might have mail, I can't recall.

You might have mail.

You will have many friends when you use corkscrew.

You will step on the soil of many countries.

You've been leading a dog's life. Stay off the furniture.

Your boss will always be early when you're late and late when you're early.

Your chair is the headquarters of your hindquarters.

Your conscience is that small inner voice which gives you the odds.

Your mind understands what you have been taught; you heart, what is true.

Your program is sick! Shoot it and put it out of its memory.

Youth and skill are never a match for age and cunning.

Youth had been a habit of hers for so long that she could not part with it.
 
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